


Different Worlds

by thegirlonpeetamellark



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-13
Updated: 2012-09-13
Packaged: 2017-11-14 04:29:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 52,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlonpeetamellark/pseuds/thegirlonpeetamellark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I feel hopelessly out of sorts at just the sight of him. I don't know what it is about him that makes me feel like I've lost my balance and am about to slip from a high tree branch, but it is unnerving." AU/Eventual Lemons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There are two things I notice when I first walk into the school's multi-purpose room.

The first is that I am the only girl who showed up to this thing. The second is that Peeta Mellark is apparently in charge of running this whole program.

Neither thought is very encouraging.

I hover over in the corner, trying to blend in and go unnoticed among the crowd of boys who are talking loudly and gesturing excitedly. I'm already so good at being quiet and staying out of the way at school it's not hard to keep it up here.

The Capitol has decided to hold a month long competition among the 11th and 12th year students at each school in every district. It's in an effort to promote district pride and build the strength of the nation's youth. There will be weeks of training followed by the actual competitions and skill assessments that will determine a victor. The victor will be rewarded with food, clothes, and money until all children in the victor's household come of age. It will test strength and survival skills and is open to all eligible students.

Usually I turn my nose up at any propaganda program the Capitol promotes in the name of 'making the lives better for their citizens'. They make us live in poverty, make us slaves to their system, and try and make us believe they care about our quality of life.

The food and money would be nice, but I am managing okay bringing in our meals from the woods. The real appeal is that winning this competition would mean Prim will be taken care of until she leaves home or gets a job. This way, when I finish school the year after next and I have to get a job and I can't keep hunting like I normally do, I can rest assured that Prim will have a full stomach and clothes on her back. My mother is still just as useless as ever and I can't rely on her to take care of Prim when I can't anymore.

I don't know how this thing will work or what to expect.

I figured there wouldn't be too many girls, but being the only one here makes me stick out like a sore thumb and I hate that kind of attention.

I wish Gale was still in school and I could at least have him by my side through this thing. He probably wishes he was here showing these Town kids how to shoot an arrow or set a snare instead of down in the mines, too.

I let my eyes drift past the crowd of boys, across the room, and settle on Peeta Mellark.

He is talking to Haymitch Abernathy, the Capitol's proxy for all their propaganda programs here in District 12. He is notorious for hating his job, his breath always smelling of alcohol, and for being so awful at running these things that we continually have the lowest turnout rate among the districts.

My stomach twists uncomfortably as Peeta Mellark's blue eyes flicker over Haymitch's shoulder and connect with my own. I immediately stare down at my shoes and feel the heat rush to my cheeks.

Peeta Mellark is a year older than me. He is a wrestling champion in the district and the baker's son. He is also the reason I'm standing here today.

It was that awful rainy day 5 years ago when I was ready to just give up, when I was certain that I would simply sit down in the mud outside the baker's house and slip away, that I had my first ever encounter with Peeta Mellark.

He threw me the bread that saved my life and I have watched him silently from afar ever since.

He is popular and handsome and athletically gifted. He is among the privilege class of Town residents, never really wanting for anything.

He makes me feel inadequate in so many ways. He is kind and charming and at ease around people. He is everything I am not.

I also feel hopelessly out of sorts at just the sight of him. When I pass him in the hallway or stand near him in the cafeteria my mind ceases to work properly. My stomach turns to knots and I feel like I have no control over myself.

As a hunter I need to be in charge of how I react to my surroundings, I need to be able to be calm and relaxed.

I don't know what it is about him that makes me feel like I've lost my balance and am about to slip from a high tree branch, but it is unnerving.

I am not intimidated by anything or anyone. I've spent the last 5 years hunting illegally outside of the district boundaries, what is it about him that affects me so much?

I shake my head to clear my thoughts and glance back up in his direction, but he is already moved on to setting up some padded mats on the floor and placing weights around it.

After a few moments he comes towards the group of boys that are crowded together near me.

He clears his throat and all the talking eventually quiets down as everyone turns to face him.

"I'm Peeta Mellark and I'm going to be leading you all in the first part of the Capitol Competition. It will consist of two weeks of training that will prepare you for the actual battles and assessments that will determine a victor later on."

The room has turned completely silent. I look around and see most of the boys are in my grade and only a few are older.

"We will start with strength training and combat skills for the first couple of days and then move on from there," he explains, scanning his eyes across the room, sizing all of us up.

"I highly advise only continuing from this point if you are a serious about competing in this program. It will be extremely difficult and challenging."

No one says anything and after a moment he claps his hands together and moves towards the weights on the floor. "Okay, then follow me."

We follow him and each stand behind a long metal rod with weights on each side.

I count that there are 14 of us.

To my left, about 3 people over, a boy with dark greasy hair is eyeing me and smirking to himself. He leans over to his friend on his left and whispers something and they share a laugh.

I avoid their eyes and focus on the weights in front of me.

"We're just going to do some light lifting today to prepare you for the more intense combat fighting coming up," Peeta explains, walking across the mats between us all. "Lift with your knees and go slow," he orders and everyone starts to pick up their weights.

I breathe deeply and reach down for the metal bar. I can barely lift one side an inch off the floor.

I huff with annoyance and try again, turning red with frustration and embarrassment when it still won't budge.

My eyes flicker over to the boy with greasy hair nearby who is watching me with amusement. "You need some help with that, sweetheart?" He asks and his friend joins him in loud, obnoxious laughter.

I turn red and return my gaze to my feet, feeling the fury and anger build up inside me.

"You'd do well to focus on yourself in this competition," I hear Peeta's voice address the boys, "putting others down won't help you any."

I swallow thickly and look up when I realize he is standing right in front of me.

"Sorry," he says, gesturing to the weights, "I'll make yours more appropriate for your size."

"I can do it," a childish impulse inside me responds right away, not wanting to admit defeat.

He smiles, a crooked, genuine smile that makes something inside me that I can neither control or deny respond.

"I know you can," he says, still leaning down to switch the weights. "It's just everyone's weights should correspond with their size and it doesn't make sense for you to try and lift double your own body weight."

He stands up after finishing and dusts his hands off. "There, now try that."

I reach down and get a firm grip on bar. It's still heavy, really heavy, but I manage to lift it up to my waist before bringing it back down to the floor.

"Not bad," he nods with approval. "You're going to have to work twice as hard as everyone else here," he comments casually, his deep blue eyes looking straight through me. "I think you can handle it though."

And with that he turns on his heel and is gone, moving across the room to watch everyone else lifting their weights.

I shake my head to clear it and try to ignore the fact his presence is going to make it twice as hard for me to focus and actually compete in this thing as it already was going to be.

When the training session is finally over I glimpse outside the windows and notice the sun has already begun to set. I frown, realizing this competition is going to really cut into my hunting time. I'll have to stay out twice as long as normal tomorrow to make up for it.

After the weight lifting we worked on fighting techniques with punching bags and then finished by lifting oversized tires across the width of the room.

I am sweaty and exhausted and now fully aware at just what a disadvantage I have in terms of strength in a group full of boys.

We gather around Peeta and Haymitch before they release us for the day.

"You need to fill out these forms and bring them back for our next session, the day after next. We meet three times a week, same time, same place," Haymitch mumbles, taking a sip of his flask that some have speculated might actually be glued to his hand.

He burps loudly and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

"You need to attend every training session to be able to compete in the final competitions in 2 weeks. No exceptions," he adds and then looks to Peeta.

"Good first day, everyone," Peeta says, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Remember what we worked on for next time. Any questions?"

Everyone is quiet and it's clear people just want to be excused, but something is gnawing away at me.

I remember reading on the flyer they handed out that there was an incentive for at least coming to the first meeting. They said there would be full meals given out to all participants just for showing up.

I bite my lip as I think about our dwindling food supply back at home. I haven't brought home a good haul in a few days and spending my afternoon here instead of the woods has cut into that supply even more.

I hate sounding desperate, I don't want to look weak, but I'm not sure we'll have enough for a real dinner tonight.

Weakly, I raise my hand and clear my throat to get Peeta's attention.

He looks at me in surprise, "Katniss?"

"I um...the flyer said something about meals for people who showed up to the first day?" I cringe, feeling the blush creep up my cheeks and everyone's eyes focus on me. I sound pathetic. I sound like a little girl who only came to this for the free handout.

"That's not till the end of the week sweetheart," Haymitch responds and the same nickname the greasy hair boy used from earlier sets me on edge. "They want to make sure you're serious about this first."

I nod without looking at him and try to pretend it doesn't matter, like it doesn't mean Prim and I will be chewing on mint leaves tonight.

"Okay everyone, we'll see you next time," Peeta announces and the crowd of boys make their way towards the exit.

I grab my bag from the tables along the side of the room and try and weave my way past the slow walking group of boys near the exit.

I make my way outside and take the back way to the Seam, avoiding the front of the school and the Town where all the boys are headed.

I walk quickly, my head down and my bag slung over my shoulders.

Maybe if I make it home fast enough I can see if we have anything I can bring over to the hob to trade for a decent night's meal.

I'm so lost in my own thoughts I don't hear the footsteps coming from behind me or the voice shouting my name until he is practically beside me.

"Katniss, wait up!" Peeta calls as I whip around to see him running up to me holding a brown paper bag.

He stops a few feet away from me, clearly out of breath.

He shakes the blonde waves that fall over his forehead away from his eyes.

"I um...got this for you," he mutters, looking down at the brown bag in his hands that he holds out to me.

I look at him in confusion and hesitantly take the bag from his hands. I open it to find 3 loaves of bread and 2 apples.

I glance back up at him in stunned silence.

I can't form any words and when he sees I'm struggling to ask the where and how and why of this he responds.

"It's leftover from my lunch," he shrugs, looking away from me, "figured you could use it more than me."

I pause, still unable to voice my thoughts out loud. I highly doubt this was his lunch. And I feel uncomfortable taking his charity. At the same time I think of our bare cupboards back home and realize I can't turn this down, it wouldn't be fair to Prim.

"If you're sure you don't want it," I say quietly, suddenly feeling like I could cry because I would have gone hungry tonight without this.

"No, it's all yours," he says and for the first time since he caught up with me we actually make eye contact.

The blue of his eyes makes me feel like I'm drowning. My breath hitches, my stomach flops, and every inch of me is alive with excitement. I blush and look away, tucking my hair behind my ears.

"Well, thank you," I murmur, staring at the ground, his t-shirt, anywhere but his eyes.

"Of course," he smiles and backs away a few steps. "I'll see you next time, Katniss," he adds and then turns and heads back towards school.

I watch him go for a while until he is completely out of sight.

When I turn and continue my walk home I think of the kindness he demonstrated towards me today, helping me with the weights, giving me this food. His kindness is nothing new, I've known that about him since that day in the rain 5 years ago. I think of the uneasiness I feel around him, how I feel so unlike myself, off balanced and out of control. And then I think about how he followed me down the back way to the Seam, a route Town kids never go on, and I wonder how he knew where to find me.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm early for the next training session.

I walk into the multi-purpose room and realize there are only a handful of boys from the first day that are already here. They're off in the corner talking amongst themselves, stretching and getting warmed up.

I put my things down and stand awkwardly to the side, unsure of what to do with myself.

My eyes scan across the room. I see Haymitch seated at a table in the corner surrounded by a pile of papers. He ignores them and takes generous sips from his flask.

Past him, on the amphitheater seats that line one side of the room, I see Peeta seated among a crowd of his friends. There are two boys I recognize that are usually always at his side at school and two blonde girls that are laughing loudly, eyes glued to him.

I feel a stab of self pity mixed with longing and something that resembles jealousy, but I'm not quite sure what to do with it.

He has always been so popular, friends by his side where ever he goes.

Since Gale left school last year I have had no friends to hang out with. I eat my lunch alone and rush home after school to change into my hunting gear. It hasn't ever really bothered me, I'm okay with being on my own.

But now, being forced to be around these Town kids, seeing how well known and liked Peeta is, makes my inadequacies that much more pronounced.

I am awkward and shy and a poor Seam kid.

I watch one of the blonde girls, I think her name is Madge, the mayor's daughter, reach out and touch Peeta's arm, giving him a coy smile. Unexpected anger sparks in my gut and I try to shake off the feeling, not knowing where it came from.

Peeta is a merchant's son, good looking and charismatic. He will end up with someone like Madge, someone in his class.

Eventually the rest of the boys show up until we are all crowded around the center of the room, waiting for further instructions.

Peeta and Haymitch come to stand before us and we all hand in our forms to Haymitch.

"Okay, so we're going to start hand to hand combat today," Peeta explains. "I'm going to pair you up based on size and we're only going to be using our feet and open handed blows to engage each other. This is just the first day so we don't want any serious injuries."

I internally grimace, realizing I'm going to have to actually fight someone.

The first day made it blatantly clear that being a hunter has made me quick and agile and smart, but I am no stronger than any boy here.

Peeta reaches me and I have to work not to stare at his shoes. "Okay, and you and Karrick can go last. You guys look to be about the same height."

I look over to the boy he is motioning to and realize it is the same greasy hair boy from the first day. He smiles smugly and crosses his arm in front of his chest. He might be my height but he has at least 20 pounds of muscle on me.

I nod weakly and we line up around the mats in the center of the room.

The two largest boys go first and we stand around and watch them deliver blow after blow to each other. They land kicks on each other's ribs and strike the other in the chest and neck and arms. The sound of them hitting one another is so loud I start to flinch at the sound of impact. When they finish they are both doubled over in pain, clutching their bruised bodies and staggering off to the side.

The 5 other pairs before me go about in much of the same way. I try to study them and pick up some tips that will help me, but they move with such strength it is intimidating and impossible for me to expect to overpower someone in that way.

I look over at Karrick standing beside me like he doesn't have a care in the world.

He notices me looking and grins. "Don't worry, I'll go easy on you," he says with malice in his eyes.

"I don't need you to," I retort, feeling my temper flare. "I can handle a dumb Town kid."

The grin vanishes from his face, replaced with a look of fury. "Oh, really? We'll see about that. Don't you live in the Seam? I'm not sure I want to touch you and risk catching anything."

My face burns with anger and embarrassment. I want to lunge at him and rip his throat out, but before I can do anything Peeta calls out our names and motions for us to take our places on the mat.

"Remember flat palms and kicks only," Peeta explains, looking warily between us as he notices that Karrick and I are glaring at each other with fury.

He says we can begin and before thinking twice I lunge at Karrick with both hands extended, attempting to strike him in the chest.

He moves easily to the side and out of the way, avoiding me. He kicks me hard in the back and I fall to the floor.

I turn around to face him just in time to see him send another kick directly to my stomach.

I grimace in pain and struggle to catch my breath as I try to crawl away.

I manage to get to my feet, still bent over when I feel the side of an open hand strike me between my neck and shoulders.

I stumble but stay on my feet, waiting until he gets close enough again, and then I strike him against his ribs with the side of my flat palm.

He barely flinches.

He takes a step back and looks down at me.

He laughs.

He actually laughs as he eyes me with pity and revulsion. "That was it? That's the best you got, Seam brat?"

I lose my composure. I want to make him scream in pain.

I rush him with my hands extended, wanting to wrap them around his neck, but he just throws me to the ground with ease.

For a moment, I think I see Peeta pacing off to the side, behind him. But then I see Karrick bring his leg back and preparing for another blow I curl into the fetal position in an attempt to protect myself.

But moving at the last moment like this makes his foot connect with my head rather than my ribs and the world goes dark.

Slowly, the world starts to come back to me.

A gentle hand is caressing my forehead.

I am lying on something soft and warm.

I let my eyes slowly drift open and look up into the face of Peeta Mellark.

"Hey," he whispers, removing his hand from my head and I immediately miss his touch, "you're back."

"Where did I go?" I mumble, reaching a hand the top of my head where there is already a huge bump.

"You passed out for a little while after he kicked you in the head," Peeta responds with a frown.

Suddenly I realize I have no idea where I am.

I look around the room, stone walls, a wooden desk and matching drawers, trophies on display, clothes thrown carelessly across the floor.

Peeta must notice my sudden confusion because he answers the question in my head.

"I brought you back to my house," he explains, "I didn't know what else to do and I had to make sure you were okay."

Slowly, I try and lift myself up. He helps me and I feel lightheaded.

It dawns on me that I am laying in Peeta Mellark's bed, in his room, alone with him.

I swallow thickly and have to work to meet his eyes. "Um, thanks," I mumble, playing with my hands.

"How are you feeling?" He asks and I realize just how close he is sitting to me. I feel much too warm all the sudden.

"I'll live," I shrug, embarrassed now as I start to remember how badly I got beat by Karrick. "I'm not exactly very good at hand to hand combat," I say, hating the emotion that creeps into my voice.

"Don't worry about that," he replies and he seems angry now, over I don't know what. "It was your first day, you'll get better. And besides, there's more to this competition than fighting."

"Like archery?" I ask hopefully, and only partially serious.

His eyes light up and he gives me a crooked grin.

"Maybe," he replies, reaching for my hand, "but I can't tell you that. It would be giving you an unfair advantage."

My heart is pounding in my ears. The feel of his hand in mine makes every nerve in my body tingle. His hand is so warm, gentle, strong, and rough in my own.. I stare at our joined hands and bite my bottom lip. Everything inside me is singing from sensation.

How is it that just the slightest touch from him can send me into overdrive?

I look up and meet his eyes and it feels like there is a rope hooked around my belly button, pulling me towards him. We just look at each other in silence for a long moment. There is a charge in the air, between us and all around us, that is impossible to ignore.

Peeta Mellark makes me feel things that I don't know what to do with.

He licks his lips and I wonder what it would feel like to kiss him. Before I can even act on that irrational impulse however, we hear a door slam from outside. Peeta jumps off the bed and away from me like he's been burnt.

He looks at me lying in his bed and then around his room. "Um...I'll be right back," he mutters and disappears out of the room.

I stand from his bed and notice my bag on the floor. I hear jumbled voices from outside.

I look at the clock and realize how late it is. Prim is surely wondering where I am.

Suddenly I come to my senses. I can't be here. I can't be in Peeta Mellark's home, let alone his room, all alone with him.

His mother, I'm sure still remembers me as the dirty kid going through her garbage, and if people from Town found out they wouldn't hesitate to label me as just another easy Seam girl.

Peeta reappears in the room a moment later, shutting the door behind him. He gives me a small smile. "It was just my dad," he explains as if he already knows I was worried about running into his mother.

I grab my bag from the floor and swing it over my shoulders.

"I should head home," I explain, not meeting his eyes. "Thanks for taking care of me."

"Of course," he agrees, rubbing the back of his neck as he shuffles to the side.

"I'll umm...see you next time," I say, before heading out of his room and making my way outside.

I decide to just forget everything I was feeling when he held my hand.

I have to just ignore the pull I feel towards him. The idea of anything actually happening between us is laughable and would ultimately not end well, so it's better to just avoid the drama and pain before anyone gets hurt.

The next day at school I'm glad we don't have another training session for the Capitol Competition until tomorrow and I can spend my time after school hunting.

I bring some homework with me to the cafeteria at lunch. I don't have any food to eat and I'm starting to get behind on some of my work since all my free time is either spent training or hunting.

I've spent the last 20 minutes re-reading the same paragraph, attempting to comprehend the dense subject matter, when a gentle voice startles me from behind.

"Hey, how's your head?"

I turn around to find Peeta carrying a brown bag lunch. He looks at me with such warmth and kindness that my stomach does several flips. This 'just forgetting about him' business is going to be harder than I thought.

"It's a little better," I admit sheepishly as he comes around to lean on the side of the table.

He reaches out with his hand and places it on the top of my head, right where the huge bump from yesterday still is. It is still tender so I wince when he touches it.

"Sorry," he says, bringing his hand back, "you should put some ice on that though. It will help the swelling go down."

I nod and then catch a couple of girls in my grade walking past us, making no effort to hide the fact they are gawking at the sight of us together.

I feel self conscious suddenly, realizing what an odd pair we make. Peeta is so well known and liked around school and I'm sure people only know me as that Seam girl who never talks to anyone.

I feel like just how I'm sure everyone else watching this scene feels. I'm not good enough for him, he shouldn't be talking to me, we do not go together well.

"Okay, well," Peeta speaks up after a moment of awkward silence, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

I nod my head in response and he hesitates before turning and walking away, going over to eat lunch with his normal group of friends.

I sigh and close my book, realizing attempting to study now would be useless.

After school I am relieved to be headed home with nothing to worry about but making a few good kills when I head out to the woods. I am making my way towards the Seam when I hear a voice call out to me.

"Katniss, wait up!"

I turn around to find Madge Undersee, the mayor's daughter and the girl I saw laughing and talking with Peeta before training yesterday, making her way towards me.

I stop and wait for her to catch up, wondering what she could possibly have to say to me. I didn't even know she knew my name.

"I just wanted to let you know that people saw you leaving Peeta's house yesterday," she explains with a flip of her hair.

I stare back at her in confusion.

"So? He brought me back there because I passed out during training for the Capitol Competition," I respond indignantly.

"Well, I just wanted to let you know. People talk and I mean, you are from the Seam. Things can get misunderstood if you're not careful," she explains faking concern while keeping her dislike for me evident. "I mean, he's a Town kid, a merchant's son. It wouldn't be very good for his reputation if people got the wrong idea about you two."

"I'll keep that in mind," I mutter, staring daggers at her as I turn on my heel and leave.

A nasty voice however taunts me that she is only voicing the thoughts and concerns I already had about associating with Peeta.

She is only affirming what I already knew, that under no circumstance is the idea of Peeta and I ever going to be accepted.


	3. Chapter 3

"Okay, everyone we're going to start weapons training today," Peeta announces to the group at our next training session.

I inspect the wall behind him and survey the various weapons propped against it. There are knives, swords, and a couple of bows. I bite back a smile, feeling relieved to start doing something I'm actually good at.

"I'll assign you what weapon you'll be working with and you will work in smaller groups as you practice mastering technique and efficiency," he explains.

I am already gravitating towards the bows, my eyes glued to the familiar weapon, not really paying attention to anything else. I'm wondering if there will be any airborne targets to practice on when Peeta's voice brings me back to reality.

"Katniss, you're over there," he motions across the room to the wooden boards hanging on the wall, "you're starting with throwing knives."

I stare back at him in disbelief. Surely, there's been a mistake. He knows the bow is my weapon. I've been selling his dad squirrels for years. He even joked about my proficiency with archery the other day when I woke up in his room after passing out.

"But I..." I try to formulate words to express my confusion, but he walks away from me.

"Okay, everyone get started," he calls out, heading over to the group working with the swords.

I pout and stomp over to the throwing knives. To add to my misery Karrick and his long nosed friend are in my group.

"Stand back, sweetheart," Karrick taunts me, picking up three knives at a time. "You don't want to get hurt. I'm sure you're still a little sore from the other day."

The blood rushes to my head and the anger I was already feeling skyrockets.

"You're lucky I don't put one of these in your eye right now," I snarl at him, clenching my fists.

He laughs in my face and turns to face the targets we are suppose to be throwing at.

"Oh, I'm terrified," he jokes. "Now watch how it's done."

He takes the knives and hurls them one at a time at the wooden boards hanging on the wall about 15 feet away from us.

They all stick in the wood, perfectly spaced from each other.

I roll my eyes as he looks back at me with a smug, satisfied smile. The rest of the boys in our group take turns throwing the knives and only a couple even manage to get one of their knives to stick to the board.

I look across the room where Peeta has moved to the group practicing with the bows. I frown, wondering why he wouldn't put me in that group. From his friendly demeanor the past few days I was starting to feel as if I at least had an ally in this competition.

He clearly has no problem helping me out or making sure I'm taken care of, from adjusting my weights and giving me food after the first session, to taking care of me when I passed out.

I catch his eye and he frowns slightly, looking momentarily distracted before returning to watching over the group with the bows.

I step up to the table when it is my turn and grab three knives.

I take a deep breath and position myself on the spot, 15 feet away from the wooden boards. I stare at the targets and try to focus.

"This should be entertaining," I hear Karrick's voice behind me, but I ignore him.

I tell myself this can't be all that different from archery. I just have to pretend my arm is the bow and the knife is the arrow. I pull my arm straight back over my shoulder, gripping the handle firmly and then releasing the knife in one fluid motion.

The knife sticks to the board and I beam internally, relieved and encouraged that I am not completely hopeless.

The next knife I throw hits the board, but then clatters to the floor. I throw my final one with such speed it barely moves when it hits the board and sticks.

I take a sigh of relief and move to the back of the line, not even glancing in Karrick's direction, who apparently has nothing to say now.

After a while Peeta instructs us to change stations, but tells our groups to work with the swords next. I groan in frustration and can barely keep my annoyance at bay. I glare at him angrily, but he is doing everything he can to ignore me. He has worked with both other groups except ours and constantly seems to be on the opposite side of the room from me.

I am starting to get angrier with each passing moment. I don't understand what his problem is. I don't care if he's not going to be my ally anymore, but I don't understand him sabotaging me by purposely keeping me away from something I'm so good at.

Later on, when I'm certain he has to let our group work with the bows since it is the only weapon we haven't practiced with, he calls everyone to the center of the room. I stand at the back of the crowd and silently fume with resentment.

"So before we finish up today I just want to go over what we worked on this week. Every thing we practiced so far will come into play once the official competition starts," Peeta explains and I am furious that the training session is almost over and I haven't even touched a bow. "You will be judged on strength and weapon proficiency, which will be a little subjective based on who evaluates you. When you compete in hand to hand combat though your results will be completely objective."

I start to drown him out, not really that concerned with that technicalities of this whole thing. I was stupid to ever think he cared about me or looked at me as more than a pathetic, starving kid from the Seam. He's older, popular and a Town kid. He and I have absolutely nothing in common, no reason why we should even associate with each other.

When he finally excuses us for the day I rush to grab my things and head for the door. I'm outside and taking the back way to the Seam when I hear him calling after me.

I ignore his calls and keep walking at a brisk pace.

Finally I feel him tug on my arm and I come to a stop, turning to face him.

"What?" I ask, letting my annoyance and anger show.

"I want to talk to you," He explains, looking dumbfounded over why I would possibly be upset. This only irritates me more. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Peeta. Okay, nothing." I tell him, feeling the pain from everything, from not being good enough for him, from not being good enough to win this competition, start to swell in my gut. "Just forget it, okay," I say a little quieter and turn to leave.

"I don't understand," he mumbles, looking baffled. "What did I do?"

"Nothing!" I practically shout at him this time. "Don't worry about it. You don't owe me anything. We aren't friends. We aren't anything. You're...well, you. And I'm me and that's the way it's always going to be."

I turn and walk away, leaving him standing confused and alone.

I don't look back.

The following day Prim and I take advantage of the one day a week when there is no school and I'm not hunting or training. She wants to take some of her goat cheese into town and see if she can trade for a new dress.

I reluctantly agree, not exactly wanting to run into anyone in Town, but knowing this is the one day a week we actually get to spend time together. This is about doing whatever she wants, whatever makes her happy.

I bring her to the Hob where there are a few dresses an elderly woman is selling, but she wants a lot more than just cheese.

"I'll bring you the next wild turkey I kill," I tell her, trying to bargain with her when Prim has her eye on a baby blue sundress.

"That doesn't do me any good," she grumbles back, shaking her head. "Sorry, but no deal."

I groan, hating that I can't give Prim what she wants. If I was hunting more instead of training for the Competition I probably would have had something to bring to trade.

"It's okay, Katniss," Prim says, tugging on my arm. "It's fine really, I don't need a new dress."

"Yes you do," I say sadly, looking down at her. "What about this?" I ask the lady, grabbing a blue and white plaid ribbon. Prim loves putting decorations in her hair.

"I'll give that to you for the cheese," the lady agrees and I'm relieved when we don't leave completely empty handed.

We walk through town on the way home and past the bakery. I can't help when my eyes flicker through the windows, looking for any sign of a certain blue eyed boy.

"Oh, Katniss let's look at the pastry decorations!" Prim squeals, running up to the window of the bakery. She presses her nose against the glass and looks down at the various cakes and cookies, perfectly decorated with frosting.

"They're so pretty," Prim states, a smile on her face.

I stand behind her warily, glancing inside for any sign of life.

I half expect Peeta's mother to come running outside to tell us to get away from her shop if we're not going to buy anything. I fidget nervously, feeling like I'm doing something wrong and just waiting to be caught.

"Come on Prim, let's go," I urge her, grabbing her hand.

She reluctantly follows after a moment and we're just moving away from the shop when I hear the ding signaling the bakery door being open.

"Hey, wait up," a familiar voice calls out.

I turn to see Peeta walking towards us, an apron on and a cookie in his hand. I watch him warily as he approaches, but he doesn't even glance at me. Instead he walks straight up to Prim and kneels before her.

"I saw you eyeing my handiwork," he says with a smile.

"You decorate those?" Prim asks in amazement. "They're really good!"

"Thanks," Peeta laughs before putting the cookie in her hand. "You can have this one so you can tell me whether they taste as good as they look."

"Really?" Prim whispers in disbelief, staring at the cookie like it's made of gold.

"Of course," Peeta responds, standing back up and finally giving me a quick glance.

I offer him a weak smile but he wears a sad expression and looks away quickly.

"Thanks!" Prim squeaks through a mouthful of cookie and Peeta laughs.

"Enjoy," he tells her, not even offering me a second look before heading back to the bakery.

I watch him go as my stomach twists in knots.

Maybe I don't have everything figured out about the boy with the bread.

Gale and I had a successful day out in the woods.

We made our way back into town, sorting through what we wanted to keep and what we wanted to trade. We ended up at my house, throwing my share of the food into the freezer after cutting and cleaning it. We finally take a seat on my front porch and rest from a hard day's work.

"So how's that Capitol Competition coming along?" Gale asks, cleaning his knife. "You teaching those town kids how to shoot a bow?"

"Not exactly," I grumble, thinking back to the last training session.

My mind goes to Peeta and I feel more confused than ever. I want to still be angry about him not letting me work with the bow, but now I feel like there was more to it. I hate how he can make me mad at him one minute and then gush over the kindness he displayed yesterday by giving Prim the cookie the next. Everything about him confuses me, the way he makes me feel, the way he acts like him being an older, popular Town kid and me being from the Seam isn't as big of an issue as it is.

"Well you should," Gale speaks up breaking me from my thoughts. "You're just as good as any of those Town kids Catnip, you just got to show them."

"I guess," I mutter, unconvinced.

"That's the spirit!" Gale jokes and I crack a smile. "Alright, I'm going to go enjoy the rest of my day before I head back into the depths of hell tomorrow," he says rising to his feet, "And it looks like I'm leaving just in time."

I frown, wondering what he means when I look over his shoulder and see Peeta approaching my house, hands stuffed in his pockets, looking completely and totally out of place.

I rise to my feet, staring at him in confusion.

He must be lost. There is no reason why he should be here. He's probably never been to the Seam before in his life.

Gale heads pass him and the two nod in acknowledgement of each other. When Gale passes him he turns back to look at me, giving me a curious look. I simply shrug in a 'I'll tell you later' manner and he nods and heads home.

"Um hi," I say as Peeta walks up my front steps and joins me on the porch.

"Hey," he sighs, that same sad look still on his face.

"Were you just in the neighborhood?" I question and he shakes his head and leans agains the railing of the porch.

"I felt like I owed it to you to explain what happened the other day," he begins and I start to twist my hands nervously, realizing that he came to find me, that we're completely alone right now. "It took me a while to realize you probably got the wrong impression when I didn't let you work with the bow and arrow the other day."

I stay silent, confirming his theory and waiting for him to continue.

"Look, I'm not supposed to do this, to help anyone or give them an unfair advantage with this competition, but there's something about you..." he trails off and shakes his head to clear it while my heart starts to pound at a furious pace. "I just thought...I mean you're from the Seam and you're the only girl and they're already underestimating you...I mean, why show them your skills now when you can sneak up on them and give them a run for their money later on."

He looks up at me through hooded eyes, looking remorseful. I am stunned into silence, not knowing how to process this new information. Clearly there is more going on here than meets the eye.

"But...why?" I finally manage to get out. "Why would you help me?"

He stares at me, his eyes never wavering from my own and the intensity of his gaze makes me blush. He reaches out and grabs my hand in his own, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. He pulls me closer to him so we're barely a foot apart. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't have to. He tells me everything he's feeling in one look that sets my world on fire.

I feel the heat in my cheeks and have to look away, staring at my shoes.

"It would never work," I respond to his silent admission. "We're from different worlds."

"I don't care," he whispers back and a shiver runs down my spine.

I want nothing more than just to fall in his arms and feel his body wrapped around mine and know what it is like to be wanted by someone in this way.

But I can't just ignore the facts of the matter.

"Peeta, it doesn't make sense," I say, emotion making my voice hoarse. "People will talk...I'm from the Seam," I explain, remembering Madge confronting me the other day. "You're older and popular and a merchant's son. You could get any girl at school you wanted, why would you possibly want me? There are so many other girls that are better...prettier"

I meet his eyes after a moment when he doesn't respond and he has a strange look on his face, like he is having an internal debate in his head. He has his head cocked to the side and is watching me carefully.

He is silent for so long that finally I get annoyed and snap at him.

"What?" I ask, wanting him to say something, anything.

He smiles and pulls me a little closer. "Right now I'm wondering if you would stop saying such ridiculous things if I kissed you."

I feel my breath catch and I stare up at him wide eyed. Subconsciously I wet my lips. I lean a little closer to him. I can't help it when the next words slip from my lips.

"Why don't you find out?" I breathe.

He grins and gives me a dazzling smile before cupping my face in both his hands. He brings his lips to meet my own and I am breathless and overcome with sensation.

Warmth spreads through every inch of me. I feel like his lips are sending an electric shock through my veins. It is my first kiss and it does not disappoint. When we pull away the grin on my face is so wide I feel silly and I bite my lip, trying to suppress it.

"Wow," Peeta whispers, echoing my thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

At school the next day there is nothing I can do to suppress the silly, ecstatic grin on my face or the giddy, childlike joy I feel.

I keep replaying our kiss in my mind over and over again. The way his lips felt so soft against my own and the warmth that spread through me like slow melting honey from his touch. When he held me against his body, when his blue eyes stared right through me, I knew that I was already too far gone. I never imagined I would feel this way, I didn't even know I could, and now I don't know what I'd do without it.

It's too easy to just forget about all the fear and worries I had before, now that I know what it feels like to kiss him, now that I know what it feels like to be wanted in this way, now that I know what I would be missing out on.

Sitting in class seems even more pointless than usual. I draw absentmindedly on my notebook and look out the window and daydream. For the first time ever I'm not thinking about being out in the woods hunting.

A small part of me chastises myself for being some silly, dumbstruck girl obsessing over a boy, but I can't help it. I've spent so much of my youth being the mature and responsible one, thinking about providing for my family and taking care of my obligations.

It only seems fair to let myself enjoy this.

After school that day I show up to the training session early, my stomach clenching in anticipation as I look around the multi-purpose room for Peeta. I see him talking to Haymitch in the corner and we lock eyes.

He shoots me a smile and I grin back at him before looking away, feeling like if I keep looking at him any longer everyone will realize our secret. I look back in his direction a little later and Haymitch glances over at me, watching me carefully. I flinch under his scrutiny and decide to keep myself busy until the session starts.

We have agreed to keep it a secret for now. With the Capitol Competition still going on people would think I was getting special treatment if they found out. I want there to be no doubt, if I can manage to win this thing, that I did it on my own without anyone's help.

As the room starts to fill up with my fellow competitors I realize there are no weights or weapons of any kind. Well there are knives, but they aren't the throwing knives from the other day.

When training starts I stand in the back of the crowd as usual, but this time with the intention of keeping my distance from Peeta. I feel like just being near him will make it hard for me to focus, will give away my true intentions.

"So as you know last week we worked on strength, hand to hand combat, and weapon proficiency," Peeta begins, his arms folded across his chest. "This is our last week to prepare for the official competition so we're going to move onto survival skills which is the other main thing you'll be judged on."

Haymitch throws the bag he was holding over his shoulder onto the ground in front of us. "Here's your task for the day," he grumbles, surly as ever. "Don't think you're keeping them after this is done though."

Everyone looks around in confusion, wondering what he is talking about. Then Peeta steps forward and opens the bag. He pulls out a dead squirrel.

Some of the Town kids actually flinch. I almost laugh.

"You each get one of these and a knife," Peeta explains and I know this is my time to shine. "They need to be cleaned and prepared before the session is over."

Everyone steps forward to grab their squirrel. Some of the Town kids, the ones who have never had to scrounge for their next meal or been reduced to eating squirrel, look like they are going to faint. They hold the squirrels at arm length and get green in the face.

I step forward and take the biggest squirrel I can find, grabbing a knife and then moving off to the side. I'm glad there is finally something I can do with confidence. I know what Peeta said about not showing my strengths too early, but I still want to build some confidence before the official competition begins.

I sit off to the side and get to work. I remove the head and tail and guts with ease, throwing them off to the side carelessly. I am about to start skinning the body when I realize that I'm being watched.

I look around and see practically all of the boys around me glancing in my direction. None of them have even touched their squirrels. They sneak sideways looks, trying to pick up on some tips without being too obvious. I can't help but look back at them smugly, proud and encouraged to so clearly be the best at something finally.

I am done skinning my squirrel just as everyone else finally gets started. Peeta walks up to me with another squirrel and hands it to me. I don't try and hide my grin.

"Good work," he says, his own smile just as wide as mine. "Try another one."

"This is too easy, Mellark," I joke, feeling more confident than ever before at one of these sessions. "At least give me a challenge."

He doesn't say anything, only laughs in response and walks around to inspect everyone else's work.

"What do you expect? She's from the Seam," I hear an annoyingly familiar voice say just as Peeta moves out of earshot. "She probably has to make a squirrel last for a whole week just to eat dinner."

I look over at Karrick a few feet away and feel my temper go off. "Shut up!"

"See it's true, that's why she's so mad," he laughs.

"You're just jealous because you're an idiot and you have no clue what you're doing and you're going to fail this part," I retort as more people start to perk up and watch our unfolding fight.

He flushes and grips the still clean knife in his hand tightly.

"Don't insult me, Seam brat," he grits through clenched teeth. Clearly I've hit a sore spot for him.

"Rich little Town kid who can't do anything useful," I add on, anger taking over. "You're too dumb to have any worthwhile skills."

"Shut up!" He screams, his face bright red, a vein starting to pop out of his forehead.

"Make me!" I yell, hands on my hips.

And before I know what is happening I see the shiny metal of his knife twirling through the air at full speed in my direction. I feel it whip past my head where it grazes my ear and then sticks into the wall behind me.

I look over at him in shock, my heart pounding out of my chest. Everyone in the room has gone quiet, looking between the pair of us. I don't know what to do or say. I see his eyes slowly start to lose the mad, glazed look he had only moments earlier as he starts to realize what he did. He still doesn't move.

"What the hell is going on here?" Haymitch asks, moving between us as he catches sight of the knife next to my head.

Peeta appears by his side moments later. It doesn't take him long to realize what happened. He looks between the pair of us, eyes widening as he catches sight of the knife near my head.

"Oh my god," he breathes out in horror, moving towards me. He pulls the knife from the wall and then gently reaches up and touches my ear. He pulls away and his hand is red with my blood.

He turns and pounces on Karrick, moving so fast and with such purpose Karrick cowers and attempts to back away. He puts his hands up to shield himself from Peeta's wrath, but he is too slow. Peeta grabs him by the collar of his shirt and turns him, slamming him against the wall.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Peeta yells and I watch dumbstruck, unable to move or do anything.

"It was an accident!" Karrick whimpers.

"You don't accidentally throw a knife at someone!" Peeta screams and his tone is unsteady. Finally I move forward, wanting to reach out and stop him, but I am still in shock myself.

"I'm sorry!" Karrick grimaces as Peeta's hold on him tightens.

"Sorry is not good enough," Peeta yells and I realize he has lost control. He looks beyond livid, he looks like he wants to snap Karrick's neck.

"Please..." Karrick groans, struggling to break free, reduced to the whimpering coward he is.

"I should throw you out of this competition for attacking another competitor," Peeta tells him. "You're scum."

Finally, it is Haymitch who moves forward and touches a hand to Peeta's back. He convinces Peeta to let him go and Karrick scrambles away from him immediately.

"It's okay, kid," Haymitch tells Peeta, looking at him strangely.

Peeta is breathing hard, trying to regain his composure as he looks up and locks eyes with me. I blink away the tears.

He moves towards me, reaching out to touch my bleeding ear again. His body is so close to my own, his face only inches away so that we're breathing the same air. I close my eyes and let myself relax a little, enjoying the comfort his presence brings.

"Let's take care of this," he whispers and before we go I catch sight of Haymitch watching us, his eyes curious and suspicious.

The next day Peeta and I are enjoying a day off from training. I usually use this free time to go hunting, but Gale and I brought back such a good haul the other day I decide one day off won't hurt. I am also eager to spend as much time with Peeta as I can.

My ear is healing, the cut wasn't too deep, but Peeta still frowns when he catches a glimpse of it when my hair gets pushed back.

It's after school and we're spending our afternoon alone together. It took some convincing to get Peeta to go outside the district fence, but the promise of us having hours to ourselves completely uninterrupted was enough to help him get over his initial trepidation.

We don't go too far, only about 50 yards or so past the fence. I find a soft circle of grass in between a cluster of tall trees that provide shade from the sun.

We sit side by side, our backs against a tree. We don't say anything for a little while, we just listen to the sound of the woods, birds chirping and animals scurrying about.

Peeta reaches over and takes my hand in his. I can't tell if I'm trembling for nervousness or excitement. Probably a bit of both. I look over at him and smile shyly. He's very good looking, eyes a deep blue, blonde hair that is perfectly messy, broad shoulders and arm muscles so strong I couldn't wrap both my hands around one of them. More than that though, I know the kind of person he is deep down. That, more than anything, makes me drawn to him, makes him have such an affect on me.

"You ready for next week?" Peeta whispers, as if not to disturb the tranquil feel of this moment.

"I hope so," I shrug, unsure of my chances realistically.

"You'll do great," Peeta offers, tugging on my hand so I turn to face him.

"We'll see..." I return and Peeta frowns like he is going to chide me for my lack of confidence.

I don't want to talk about the Capitol Competition at the moment though. I just want to focus on being here with him. The competition may have brought us together but I don't want it to be what defines us. I want him to be more to me than just my instructor of the training phase.

I lean forward to silence him by pressing my lips to his. My mind goes blank when we kiss. I can think of nothing other than how good this feels. His hand comes up to cup my face and I feel warm all over.

We kiss softly at first, just our lips pressed against each other. But then his mouth parts slightly and his tongue gently reaches out to stroke mine and I'm lost. I wrap my arms around his neck, running my hands through his hair. I moan as our mouths open deeper, letting our tongues explore further.

It is as good as I remember and all I want to do is keep kissing him. Sitting here together, kissing him like this, is the first time in my life I've ever felt so good, pure sensation and pleasure and nothing else. When I kiss him I don't have to worry about taking care of anyone, I can just let him hold me and lose myself in this feeling.

After a moment he shifts us so I am lying on my back against the grass and he is hovering over me, holding his weight to one side as we continue to kiss. Quickly, things become more heated and I suddenly can't pull him close enough to me.

His entire body is pressed up against mine. He moans and pushes his hips against me. I feel something hard pressing through his jeans and my heart starts to race. I am both scared and intimidated by the intimacy and the passion between us. I realize that there exists something between us that is intense, something that makes me want him in ways I don't really understand yet.

He breaks away to catch his breath. He presses kisses to my shoulder and I sigh contently.

"I don't think I could ever get tired of kissing you," Peeta says, pulling back to look at me through hazy eyes.

I smile up at him and brush some hair away from his eyes.

"Me neither," I agree, thinking of how he always seemed so untouchable in my eyes, so clearly out of my league.

"I kind of can't believe this is really happening," I admit, feeling almost like I'm in a daze.

The weather is warm with just the perfect gentle breeze, the woods, silent and still, are like our sanctuary, and when I look up at him his face blocks the sun from my eyes, creating a kind of golden halo around his head. This moment has a surreal, dream-like quality to it that makes me want to stay in it forever, that makes me want to pour my heart out to him and never let go of this feeling.

He grabs my hand and kisses my palm.

"What about when people find out about us?" I whisper, my fears easier to voice in his arms when I feel so content.

I am worried about people finding out about us because of who we are and where we're from. He is the Town's golden child and I'm the poor girl from the Seam.

He frowns in confusion and hesitates for a moment. "What about it?"

"You know what..." I mumble, not meeting his eyes.

He pauses and then takes a deep breath. "I don't care what people say, Katniss. I only care about you."

I feel the tension ease from my chest just a little. I still have my doubts, but I feel a little better knowing that he feels that way.

"I care about you too," I say and join our lips together again, getting lost in sensations that are too intoxicating and overwhelming to ignore.

I walk into the multi-purpose room for one of the last training sessions before the official competition starts next week. I glance around the room in search of Peeta and I spot him talking to Madge Undersee. My chest tightens uncomfortably. I look away from the pair and move to drop my things off on the side of the room.

I try and push away the anger and jealousy that courses through me at just the sight of the Mayor's daughter. She has always hung around with Peeta, I know that. Even still, I can't help thinking back to the way she confronted me the other day, essentially telling me I wasn't good enough for him. I don't even know what I'm jealous over anyways, I have no claim to Peeta, he isn't mine. We haven't talked about what it is that we are to each other or what it is exactly we are doing.

I can't help it though as my eyes dart through the crowd of gathering boys and I notice they're still talking. Madge reaches out and slaps Peeta's arm playfully and I feel the sudden urge to twist her arm behind her back until she squeals.

Eventually the boys start to get restless and Haymitch has to call Peeta to get his attention that it is time to start training. I feel relieved, waiting for Madge to leave, but she only follows Peeta over to the group.

"Okay so as you know this is one of our last days to prepare for the official competition next week," Peeta begins, but I'm only staring at Madge, standing off to the side behind him. She keeps her eyes glued to him, a small smirk on her face as she listens to him talk. "Today you can practice whatever you want, strength or survival skills, whatever you think you need the most work in."

The crowd of boys around me break into hushed conversation, clearly sharing what skill they want to revisit today. Before he loses their attention, Peeta calls out to the group one more time.

"Oh and I want you guys to meet Madge," he says as she steps forward and stands by his side. "She has volunteered to help advise you guys on the interview portion you complete at the end of all the competitions."

Madge smiles and waves before immediately looking back at Peeta. I roll my eyes and look away. I do not need her advising me on anything.

"We have to do an interview?" one of the younger boys speaks up.

"Yes, everyone has to do a short 5 minute interview with their evaluator. Nothing special really," Madge answers for Peeta, that superior tone of voice she always uses annoying me to no end. "They just want a chance to get to know you and get an idea of who you are and why you chose to be a part of the competition."

Peeta looks around the group waiting for any more questions or concerns. After a few moments of silence, he excuses us to go work on what we see fit. I immediately move across the room, putting as much distance between myself and Madge as possible.

I work with the weights and the punching bag for a little while, relieving a little tension and trying to improve my strength. I am tempted to go work with the bows, but I know that is not something I need actual practice with. The other weapons, the throwing knives and swords, are currently the most popular, with just about every boy lining up to use them.

I make myself freshen up on survival skills and work on building a fire. It takes me several tries before I get a spark going, but then it tapers out before I can spread the flame. I groan in frustration and let my eyes roam across the room.

There are only about three of us working on survival skills. Every other boy is either lifting weights or working with weapons. Haymitch is drinking from his flask and moving from station to station, cracking jokes and making observations. I see Peeta and Madge standing together across the room, deep in conversation.

I furrow my eyebrows. Why are they still talking? Isn't Madge suppose to be advising people? I shake my head and try and clear the petty and jealous thoughts from my mind.

I get to work on sharpening some stray pieces of branch and try to replicate one of Gale's snares. I am seated on the floor, tying a rope to one of the branches when a soft voice in my ear makes me jump.

"Nice work."

I jump and look back at Peeta who is crouching down over me. He runs a hand down my arm and I can't help it when I shiver. I look around the room nervously. He is being more affectionate than he knows he should.

"Not here," I whisper, even as I lean back into his touch.

He just laughs and rubs my arm before pulling away. I think we're okay. Everyone seems to be too preoccupied working on different skills.

I take a sigh of relief and turn back to start working on my snare again, not noticing the pair of eyes having just watched the scene between Peeta and I unfold.

Later, towards the end of the training session, as I am working on combat moves with the punching bag, Peeta makes an announcement.

"Okay guys, we're almost done for the day," he shouts across the room, "if you haven't talked to Madge about your interview prep make sure you see her before you leave."

I let out a groan of frustration. There is no one I want to interact with less right now. I'm tired and sweaty, annoyed by her presence, uncomfortable with the way she was talking to Peeta earlier, and still angry about the way she spoke down to me the other day.

I clean up a little bit and then begrudgingly make my way towards her. I stand awkwardly off to the side as she talks to another boy. She glances at me over his shoulder and offers me a tight smile.

When they finish I pretend not to notice and she approaches me and gestures me over to the side of the room. She flips her hair and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"I just want to tell you I think it's so great you're the only girl doing this," she begins, a fake smile plastered across her face. She speaks like we're best friends, like she doesn't usually look at me like I'm the dirt on her shoes.

"Uhh thanks..." I reply, not really looking at her.

"I think for your interview maybe you should tell your evaluator a little bit about why you're doing this," she suggests.

"What do you mean?" I ask in confusion.

"Just you know...talk to them a little bit about what it's like being from the Seam. How hard it is to get by, not having enough to eat and those kind of things." She smiles, her eyes bright, but the malice behind them isn't hard to see. "Tell them about how much winning the prize would help with your...situation."

I swallow the lump forming in my throat, my emotions ready to boil over.

"My...situation?" I repeat, my voice hollow and my anger evident.

She stares back at me with that same fake smile, unflinching. "Well, yeah...you know, coming from a lower class in society. That kind of thing."

I stare back at her coldly, not wanting to let her see she has gotten to me. I take a moment to compose myself.

"I'll keep that in mind," I smile politely, making sure she sees the hatred behind my eyes. "Thanks for your help."

I turn on my heel and walk away from her. I know this is what she wants. She wants to get to me, but I am stubborn as hell and I refuse to let that happen.

I walk straight over to Peeta who is in conversation with Haymitch. I place a hand on his back to get his attention and smile as he looks at me. I look back at Madge and offer her another smile before redirecting my attention solely on Peeta.


	5. Chapter 5

Everything is pure sensation.

All I can think, taste, feel, and see is Peeta Mellark. He hovers over me, using his strong upper body to hold most of his weight off of me. We're in his room, on his bed, completely alone. His family is gone for the day - some merchant fair on the other side of town or something - and we have some time to ourselves.

It seems like we spend a lot of our time doing this, but we do it so well together. His lips are so soft and the feel of his body pressed against mine is comforting. I don't really get tired of kissing him, he tastes like all my favorite things and feels like home, like when I'm with him everything is okay.

I pull back for a moment and look up into his deep blue eyes. He smiles and pushes some hair away from my face.

"What are we doing?" I ask quietly.

"We're making out," he chuckles, "or at least we were." He leans in and starts placing kisses along my jaw line, up to my ear and to that spot right below it.

I have to shake my head to refocus. "No, I mean...what are we doing...like you and me."

He pulls back and ponders this for a moment. "We're together...I mean if that's what you want. I want to be with you."

I nod and shake my head in agreement. ""Yeah, I want that too," I reply and I am instantly more at ease.

I didn't know that unanswered question was bothering me up until this moment, but at least now I know where we stand. At least now, whatever comes our way throughout this competition and the rest of the district eventually finding out about us, I'll know what it is we are to each other.

"Good," he smiles and then starts to tempt me again with his lips.

I apparently have too much on my mind to just shut up and enjoy this moment though, because I speak up again.

"How good of friends are you with Madge?" I ask, before I can stop myself.

Peeta, to his credit, only pauses for a moment as he considers this. "Um...not that good, to be honest. We've always hung out in the same group I guess, but I've never really thought of her as more than an acquaintance."

I already figured as much, but it still feels good to hear it from him directly.

"Why?" He asks after a moment.

"No reason," I shake my head, not meeting his eye. I know I should be honest, but I don't feel like sharing my rocky relationship with Madge yet. It doesn't feel important enough to bring up and cause issues between us. I know that's exactly what she wants.

"Okay my turn," he laughs playing with my braid.

"What's the deal between you and that Hawthorne kid?" He asks, running his hand down my arm now, making it hard to concentrate.

"Gale?" I ask, surprised that he even knows about him.

"He's my hunting partner. He has been since our dads died in the same explosion," I shrug.

"So you guys never dated?" Peeta asks curiously and I laugh.

"No way, he's like my older brother. He's always had different girls chasing him around anyways. He never looked at me that way and I never saw him like that either."

Peeta nods and I can tell he is relieved. The thought makes me warm inside - that he was jealous, that he noticed me enough to know about Gale, that he wants me all to himself.

"Okay I have another one," I begin, taking his hand and interlacing it with my own. "Why did you help me? That day in the rain with the bread. You didn't even know me. You knew you would get in trouble, but you still helped me. Why?"

Peeta is silent for a long moment, taking a deep breath. "I don't really know," he finally says, staring at our joined hands. "I guess I've always had my eye on you. Ever since that first day of school when you sang the valley song in front of everyone. I've always noticed you. I mean, you were younger, but you held my attention more than any other girl."

He looks up and meets my eyes and I feel my entire body respond. That now familiar feeling that consumes me whenever I'm in his presence occurs. Butterflies appear in my stomach, heat rushes to my face, and warm, curious excitement fills every inch of me.

"I've always noticed you too," I admit shyly, biting my bottom lip. "Since that day with the bread you've always meant something to me. I can't really explain it, but you were always on my mind."

It feels strange to admit this to him, to talk so freely about something that up until now I've always kept private, something that always felt too personal and special to speak about out loud. It is odd to reconcile the fact that I've kept the way I've felt about this boy hidden for so long and the fact that I'm lying in his arms now talking to him about it.

He leans in to kiss me and that passion I was feeling earlier is reignited like we never stopped. I want all of him. I know we're young and this is new and I have no idea what I'm doing, but clearly my body does.

I moan against his mouth and that hardness that is straining against his pants pushes against me. His hand trails down to my hip and I run my fingers through his hair. I can feel a dull, throbbing sensation between my legs and my hips involuntarily buck up towards him.

He pulls away, breathing hard and resting his forehead against my own. "We should probably stop," he says and I can't fathom why we would possibly want to do that.

He must see my look of confusion because he laughs and rolls off of me onto his side. He exhales and shakes his head. "You make it pretty easy for me to get carried away," he explains as he takes my hand in his. "After a certain point it becomes painfully difficult to stop with you."

After a moment I understand what he means. "Oh, sorry..." I mumble, blushing and looking away.

"Don't be sorry," he laughs and kisses me on the cheek. "I'm definitely not complaining."

The next day I leave the woods early to meet up with Peeta.

Gale has started to give me a hard time, enjoying the fact that he now has something to mercilessly tease me about way too much. He wasn't that surprised when I told him about Peeta. He said he always saw me watching him in school. He tells me not to worry about him being from the Town, that people don't care as much as I think. Maybe if I told him about Madge he would change his tune.

It's hard finding time to ourselves when we're trying to keep our relationship a secret. We don't feel comfortable going to either one of our houses and if we get seen by the wrong people in the District, news will spread fast. I decide to bring him to the Hob for a bite to eat. Most of the people there are from the Seam and don't care enough about the Capitol's programs to even know about the competition.

People send a few extra looks his way initially. His blonde hair, blue eyes, and fair complexion makes him stand out among the usual crowd, but they eventually move on. They have more important things to worry about than petty gossip, they're not like Town people.

I make him try a bowl of Greasy Sae's mystery stew and to his credit he puts it away without complaint. I reach over and take his hand in mine, feeling brave and daring among the crowd of mostly strangers.

He smiles and leans in to kiss me, softly and briefly, pulling away as we exchange shy smiles.

"Well, isn't this a sight to behold," a grumpy voice from behind us announces loudly.

We turn around in unison to see Haymitch standing behind us, flask in hand. He takes a sip and then wipes his mouth on his sleeve. He moves towards us and I cringe when he places a hand on my shoulder.

"I had a feeling about you two," he says, his breath reeking of alcohol. "Always stealing glances at each other...secret touches when you think no one is looking. You work quick boy, we've only been doing this a few weeks."

I roll my eyes and pull my shoulder from his grasp.

"Look, we'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything," I hear Peeta ask him politely.

"Yeah, we wouldn't want people finding out, would we? Dating one of your students wouldn't look too good would it, kid?" Haymitch laughs.

"What's your problem?" I snap, feeling my anger rise. "We're not doing anything wrong, there's no rules against it."

"Then why are you trying to keep it a secret?" He counters and I can only stare back at him coldly.

"Exactly," he replies, much too pleased with himself. "Look, I'm not trying to rain on your parade, but I don't think this is a good idea."

"Why?" I demand. "Because I'm from the Seam?"

"You think I give a damn where you're from?" He returns, clearly annoyed. "I'm being serious...it wouldn't be good for either of you if people found out while the Capitol Competition is still going on."

"You think it would be that bad?" Peeta asks skeptically, and I frown at the note of concern in his voice. He told me he didn't care what people think.

"It wouldn't be very good," Haymitch returns sarcastically.

Haymitch turns and looks straight at me. I feel like I'm being scolded by a parent, like I'm being lectured by an authority figure who thinks they know what's best for me. It is a foreign feeling.

"You don't want the entire district thinking you slept your way to the top," he says, looking serious, "whether it's fair or not," he adds. His words are harsh, but his tone is honest and sympathetic.

"Not to mention the Capitol takes their little district programs very seriously," Haymitch continues "and you don't want to give them an excuse to start meddling in your private lives...believe me." He finishes and it's almost like he's speaking from experience. The thought makes me stop, makes me wonder what exactly it is he is warning us about...how could the Capitol interfere with our private lives?

"Peeta hasn't given me any unfair advantages," I say simply.

"No one cares about the facts, sweetheart," he replies, using that nickname again that seems less mean spirited now, but not any less condescending. "They care about a good piece of gossip and the Capitol...well, they just care about making sure they have us all under their thumb."

"Fine," I huff, annoyed and irritated as I turn away from the old drunk. "Thanks for the advice, we'll keep it in mind."

Haymitch laughs and as he moves away I hear him say, "Don't be so surly sweetheart, I'm just trying to help you guys out."

It's the last official training session before the competition begins next week. I am early like usual and when I enter the multi-purpose room I see only Peeta and Haymitch pulling mats to the center of the room. I freeze, unsure if I want to deal with this right now.

Before I can go anywhere though, Haymitch calls out to me, having seen my hesitation. "Don't worry sweetheart, come right in. Nothing to hide from me now at least, right?"

I roll my eyes, making my way towards Peeta.

"Just ignore him," he says, placing a kiss on my cheek before taking my hand and dragging me off to the side of the room.

"I liked it better when he was too drunk to function at these things," I mutter, shooting daggers at the old man across the room.

Peeta just laughs and wraps an arm around my waist. My eyes immediately flick to the door I just walked in through, expecting someone to come in at any moment and see us.

"So I was thinking after we finish here we could maybe sneak off to the woods for some alone time?" He asks, his eyes lighting up as he looks at me hopefully.

I laugh and look away, trying to hide the ridiculous grin that appears at the idea of spending time alone with Peeta and all the possibilities that provides. "We'll see..." I answer cryptically, but my smile gives me away.

Peeta leans in close, pressing his face against my own, his arm wrapped tightly around my waist. The feel of our bodies pressed against each other is so intimate and comforting that I sigh and melt against him. I never thought being in someone's arms could make me feel like I was falling.

We must get wrapped up in our own little world though, because it's not until a few moments after we hear the door of the multi-purpose room swing open, and the loud voices of several boys making their way inside, that we spring apart.

Peeta clears his throat loudly and dusts invisible pieces of dirt off his pants. I take a little longer to compose myself, still feeling overly warm from our contact moments before, fixing my hair before turning to see the new arrivals.

There are four boys and judging by the way most of them are still laughing and carrying on they didn't happen to catch the embrace Peeta and I were joined in. Then my eyes fall on one familiar, infuriating face that does seem to be looking in our direction and my stomach clenches in fear.

I see Karrick frozen in place, looking over at us with an inquisitive expression, maybe trying to piece together what he just saw and what exactly it means. He keeps his eyes trained towards us for a long moment before slowly turning and joining his friends.

I turn to Peeta, about to mention that we should be more careful, or at least that I'm thankful they didn't see anything else. But before I can even open my mouth he walks away from me, back towards Haymitch in the middle of the room, not even glancing back in my direction.

I try to ignore the snub and the feeling of hurt that rises up immediately. I know we need to be more careful. We already agreed to keep this a secret and Haymitch's, unwelcome, yet still practical, advice the other day only reinforces this notion. I don't want to think what could happen if Karrick really knew what was going on between us.

I move to the side of the room and prepare myself for the session. I try and refocus on the competition and what I need to work on rather than the feel of Peeta's arms wrapped around me or the discomfort I felt when Karrick walked in.

Peeta finally calls us all over to him to start the session and I make a point of avoiding Haymitch's eye. His advice the other day makes me feel strange, like despite his rude and sarcastic nature most of the time, he is actually looking out for Peeta and I's best interest. I'm not sure what to do with the feeling. I haven't had an older figure in my life who actually cares what happens to me since my father died. It might take a while for me to get used to.

I do, however, try and catch Peeta's eye, wondering what he's thinking about almost being caught earlier. He doesn't even glance in my direction though and I pout internally, feeling needy and possessive over my boyfriend's attention. Boyfriend. The idea is so ridiculous I almost laugh. Before Peeta a boyfriend was not only the least of my worries, it was just down right unappealing. What did I need a boyfriend for? It would just take time and focus and energy away from hunting and taking care of Prim, the only two things that matter to me.

"Like I've told you all before, the first part of the competition will focus on strength," Peeta explains, "you'll be judged on your physical abilities as well as your result from one on one fighting.

"At the first session we did some light hand to hand combat," he says, pacing over to the mats in the middle of the room and we follow, "today, as the last session and to prep for that first test next week, we're going to run through the fighting just like you'll have to for the official competition. Anything goes," he adds and a silent hush falls over the room.

We all let this information sink in.

No more practicing, no more test runs, this is where it gets real. I tighten my fists and stand up a little straighter. I am determined to at least do better than last time when Karrick knocked me unconscious with a kick to the head. I glance over in his direction and his mouth twists in an ugly, evil smirk. I know he is thinking about last time as well, and I want nothing more than to have another go at him.

This time however, we crowd around the mats as Peeta calls two competitors to the middle at a time. They fight and the winner stays in for another round. You can only fight two times in a row before Peeta calls in two fresh new fighters to start another round.

It is not a pretty sight.

After each fight my stomach twists in knots, afraid and unsure of how I am suppose to compete against these boys who are bigger and taller and just more powerful than me. I am quick enough to avoid their worst blows, but it seems impossible that I'd be able to inflict any kind of real pain or damage on them. They attack each other with unrestrained rage, fists connecting with jaws, feet hitting stomachs. More than once Peeta has to stop in between fights and ask Haymitch to clean up the spilled blood on the mats.

Finally, he calls out my name and I am not going to fight against Karrick, but against his hooked nose friend that is always falling him around. I think his name is Aren. He smirks arrogantly as I make my way towards the center of the mats.

I glance at Peeta as I position myself, but he still doesn't even look at me. I push down the feeling of hurt and concentrate on the task at hand.

When Peeta blows his whistle Aren closes the distance between us in two long strides, lunging for me. I move quickly enough to avoid his outstretched arms and when he goes past me I kick him in the back so he falls to his hands and knees.

I hear the laughs of the boys around the room, egging him on and only making him that much more mad as he gets up and turns to face me. I'm emboldened by this small victory and I bounce lightly on my toes, ready for his next attack. His face is red, he is breathing hard, and I can tell he really wants to hurt me now.

We circle each other on the mats, waiting for the other to make the first move, waiting for the perfect time to attack. He inches closer and I prepare myself for the blow.

He kicks his leg out, slowly and clumsily, and I have plenty of time to avoid it. When he is off balance and struggling to recover from the missed chance I swing my leg up and kick him as hard as I can in his side.

He leans over, clutching his side and wincing. There is no laughter or obnoxious cheering this time as everyone seems to be enthralled watching our fight unfold.

I start to feel confident, thinking that I might actually have a chance to come out on top.

I realize I should attack again while he's hurting and trying to recover, but by the time I make my move it is too late.

I pull back my arm, fist clenched, and aim a blow at his head, but he easily reaches up with his hand and stops me, his fingers wrapping around my wrist. I yelp as he starts to twist my arm in a direction it was not made to go and then I feel his solid fist connect with my stomach.

I double over in pain, suddenly unable to breathe.

I crawl away on my hands and knees, desperate to get out of harm's way, but he reaches down and grabs my braid, pulling me back towards him.

I scream in pain as he yanks me back, clawing at the mat with my hands, but it is no use.

I see him cock his leg back with such speed and purpose that I don't have enough time to react. His foot makes contact with my side and I cry out in agony, feeling like something inside me just cracked.

A burning pain, like my insides have just broken in half completely, starts at my side and spreads to every inch of me. I can barely breathe and the pain is like nothing I've felt before. I know one more blow will do me in.

"Stop!" I cry, scrambling away from him on the mat as fast as I can manage. "Stop!"

After a moment, when I realize Aren isn't coming after me, I begin to relax, fighting through the pain with deep, slow breaths.

I rise to my feet, hands on my knees, still struggling to recover.

"What the hell are you doing?" A loud voice demands.

I look up and see Peeta coming towards me, his eyes wide and his face flushed.

"You can't just stop in the middle of a fight like that!" He yells, and it takes a few moments for me to realize he is yelling at me. "Do you think they're going to go easy on you just because you're a girl?"

I can barely stutter out a few unintelligible words of explanation before he goes off again.

"When you entered this competition, you signed up for this exact thing," he breathes, his eyes unreadable, his jaw clenched in anger.

I blink away the tears. From the corner of my eye I see Karrick watching this scene unfold with a satisfied smile.

"I don't want any weak competitors in my group," he bites out.

It's like being punched in the gut again only worse. I feel, rather than see, every snicker and whispered word from the group around us. Every boy in this room is watching me being chewed out with glee. I stare back at him, my eyes cold, neither of us flinching or looking away. Before I can stop myself I take a step forward.

I raise my hand and slap him - hard - across the face.

The entire room goes silent. He looks back at me in shock, his cheek red and his eyes alarmed, having lost every ounce of anger from moments before. Now he looks scared and remorseful, but I don't care.

I turn and walk away from the group, grabbing my things and heading home.


	6. Chapter 6

"Do you want me to kick his ass?"

"No."

"Well, if you want me to kick his ass, just say the word."

"Thanks."

A few days later Gale and I head out to the woods and he does his best to try and cheer me up. I don't have the energy for hunting so we just sit at our usual meet up spot and throw rocks at the ground.

I feel broken, dead inside, hopeless. Admitting this, of course, only makes me feel ashamed that someone, that a dumb boy, can have this much of an affect on me. This is why I've always kept to myself, never gotten too close to anyone. I don't like being weak, I don't like being dependent on anyone but myself.

I keep remembering the way he yelled at me - humiliated me - in front of the entire group and I want to curl up and hide forever. More than anything I am confused. I don't understand where his sudden need to scold me, to treat me like a weakling, came from. We had been getting along so perfectly up until that moment. I was starting to wonder if he even had any faults.

I sigh and shake my head to clear it. Thinking about it, thinking about Peeta and the competition, just makes my head hurt.

I stand up off our rock and grab my bow, determined to clear my head.

"Throw some rocks and get some birds out of the trees," I tell Gale, positioning my feet and taking a deep, cleansing breath.

I position my bow and cock the arrow back, aiming it in the direction of the trees. Gale chucks a rock into the dense branches and leaves overhead. Three birds scatter and take off. I shoot, releasing my bow and just missing one by an inch.

I groan in frustration and take another arrow out of my bag. I position it against my bow again, but before Gale can throw his rock this time we hear loud rustling nearby. I turn to Gale and we stare at each other in alarm. We haven't run into another soul out in these woods in all the time we've been hunting together.

The noise gets louder, twigs breaking, leaves crumpling, and it is clear they are headed straight for us. I turn my bow in the direction of the noise and prepare myself to shoot. From a dense cluster of trees, a familiar, and entirely unexpected face, appears.

Peeta looks shocked to see Gale and I standing in front of him, as if we were the ones invading on his territory. I see the sudden look of alarm and fear when he registers that I am aiming an arrow directly at his chest.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I hear Gale ask angrily from behind me.

I lower my weapon as Gale moves between me and Peeta.

Peeta looks back at Gale calmly, inspecting him carefully before answering. "I'm here for her," he says quietly, nodding towards me.

"Yeah, well I don't think she wants to see you right now," Gale retorts.

"Maybe you should let her decide that for herself," Peeta replies.

I watch the scene unfold before me, shocked into silence by Peeta's sudden appearance.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Showing up here after what you did to her..." Gale spits out the words in disgust and I can tell he is getting worked up. When Gale is mad or angry and feels self-righteous about something there is really no stopping him.

"I just want to talk to her," Peeta returns quietly, looking at the ground.

"No," Gale responds adamantly.

"Who do you think you are?" Peeta asks, looking at Gale incredulously.

"I'm her best friend," he responds simply.

"Yeah, well I'm her boyfriend," Peeta retorts and I know I have to speak up now before these two come to blows.

"Gale..." I say gently, knowing his ego will be hurt, "it's okay...really."

Peeta, to his credit, does a fair job at hiding the look of triumph over being declared the winner. Gale looks back at me for a long moment, seeing if I am absolutely sure.

"If you need me, I won't be far..." Gale mutters, clearly not too pleased.

I nod and he takes one long look between the pair of us before disappearing the same way Peeta came, back towards the fence and the district, leaving us alone.

I turn my back to Peeta and walk over to the rock where my stuff is at.

"What do you want?" I ask, not looking in his direction.

"Katniss..." he begins, and his voice is pleading, desperate, just above a whisper. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."

I turn around to face him, my arms crossed in front of my chest. I fix him with a cold stare and wait for him to continue. He has to do better than that.

He takes a deep breath and shoves his hands in his pockets, not quite meeting my eye. "I messed up, I know I did...and if you never want to see or talk to me again, I'll understand. But please just let me explain."

I remain silent, letting him know to continue.

"I just...I got freaked out when I thought Karrick might have saw us at the beginning of training. And then I was remembering Haymitch warning us the other day and I don't know..." he trails off and looks around, at the trees, up at the sky, anywhere but at me.

"I...I'd never be able to forgive myself if I hurt your chances to win this thing. I don't want to make things harder for you than they already are going to be. I know what people will say if they find out and I don't care, honestly, but I don't want you to have to deal with that." He runs a hand through his hair and kicks at the ground. "I feel responsible, because I'm the one who initiated this, because I'm selfish and I want to be with you no matter what the cost."

I study him carefully for a long moment. He has such a kicked puppy expression, I feel my resolve weakening. He's frowning and his brows are pinched together in concern as he waits for my response. He looks like the thought of me telling him to leave now would break him. How can I stay mad at him when he looks so completely miserable at the thought of losing me? How can I stay mad when he's saying that what he did, unintentionally hurting me, was done with the thought of protecting me in the long run?

I sigh and take a few steps towards him. "It was just...hard...being yelled at like that in front of everyone. Making me feel like I was weak..." I trail off as my breath hitches. For the first time since it happened I let myself feel how really upset I am at the whole thing. When I left training the other day I was holding on to my anger to avoid dealing with the sadness and I haven't let go of that anger and focused on the pain until this moment.

"I know..." Peeta sighs, running a hand over his face. "You have no idea how horrible I felt afterwards. I just, I don't know, wanted to throw them off the trail, make sure no one had any suspicions about us." He shakes his head sadly and looks up at me through hooded eyes. "Guess I just went too far.."

I nod my head in response, the sadness is still there, but it has been dulled by the fact that he regrets it, that he didn't do it in a malicious way.

"I really am sorry Katniss...I didn't mean to hurt you."

He reaches out tentatively and grabs one of my hands. I don't pull away, but suddenly I'm overcome with emotion. Relief, sweeping, blissful relief starts to fill every part of me when I realize that it's not over between us, that it wasn't all for nothing, that he is the person I thought he was.

"It's okay..." I manage to get out, but my voice cracks and a few tears escape that I didn't realize I was holding back.

He pulls my hand to his lips and plants soft kisses across my knuckles and the back of my hand. My stomach tightens in a good way. I offer him a shaky smile.

"I care about you and I don't want to lose you," he says as we inch closer to each other. "Honestly, I don't care who finds out about us now. We have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. They can think what they want, as long as I have you, nothing else matters."

That does it. The tears start to fall and I don't try and stop them. I smile up at him, making sure he knows that these are tears of relief and of joy. I throw my arms around him and hold him close. He wraps his arms around my waist and our bodies melt against each other.

I feel like I'm back where I belong.

I pull back and kiss him with such passion I feel dizzy. I can't get enough of him. I open my mouth to his and our tongues meld together. He tastes so good. We finally break apart and we're both breathing hard. I don't try and hide my smile.

He trails a hand down my side and when he runs his hand over the area Aren kicked me, I wince. He pulls his hand away like he's been burnt. "I'm sorry, are you okay?" He asks.

"Yeah," I breathe shakily, pulling up my shirt to expose the black and blue patch of flesh that appeared over the the past few days. "Just still sore."

Peeta groans at the sight. "And I didn't think I could feel any worse..." he laughs a little shakily and I can tell he steal feels ashamed, still feels upset about what he did.

"It's okay, really..." I try and assure him, running my hands through his hair as he gets on his knees in front of me. He is face to face with the ugly bruise as he trails his fingers over it lightly. I suck in my breath, not sure if it hurts or if his touch just has that much of an affect on me.

He studies the injury for a moment, not saying anything, and I feel a little awkward with my shirt pushed up and him kneeling before me, staring at my discolored skin. After a moment he looks up at me, his face serious.

"You're not weak, you know that right? What I said the other day was a complete lie. That's partly why I said it, because it is so far from the truth."

I give him a small smile, but he continues.

"I'm serious Katniss, what you're doing...fighting against these boys...doing this for your sister...you're so strong, you're amazing."

I blush and run my hands through his hair again. Our fingers interlace and I want to pull him to his feet, but he leans in and presses his mouth against my discolored flesh.

"Guess this means I have to nurse you back to health," he mumbles against my skin as his lips start leaving hot, open mouthed kisses along the surface area of my bruise.

I feel my knees go weak. Everything he does, everything he says has a kind of power over me I can't control. I want to melt against him, I want to melt into him, I want to leave my body for a little bit and become a part of his. I want to feel him so close I can't breathe. In such a short amount of time he has become like air for me in terms of necessity. He makes me feel like it's okay to be happy, like there is pleasure in life that is simply too good to be ignored.

Finally, I pull him to his feet and kiss him for a long time, just because I can.

A few days later Peeta is walking me home after school.

We have a few days off before the first half of the competition which will take place at the end of the week. The Opening Ceremony is tomorrow and then we have a couple more days to prepare.

We take the main road from school to the Seam and Peeta insists on holding my hand the entire time. At first I blush and look around nervously, but then I realize most people don't give us a second glance. Eventually I start to relax and I'm able to just relish the feel of simply being with Peeta.

He walks me up to my front porch before he releases my hand. He smiles a little cheekily and looks at me expectantly. He lingers, shuffling awkwardly on his feet and shoving his hands in his pockets.

"So...I'll see you tomorrow at the Opening Ceremony?" He asks and I simply nod my head in response.

"Okay then..." he trails off and I can't help but smirk.

I know why he's suddenly all nervous and shy. He wants what I want, he wants us to sneak off to the woods or somewhere we can be alone and partake in more...pleasurable activities. I already promised Prim I would be home early today though since I've been so busy lately.

He must read my mind, knows that I'm enjoying his awkwardness, because he laughs and wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me closer.

"We'll find some alone time after the ceremony ends tomorrow," I promise him, leaning in and planting a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Looking forward to it..." he mumbles against my lips and soon we get caught up in the taste of one another.

I moan against his mouth, holding his face in my hands and letting his tongue stroke my own. I am completely lost in our kiss until I hear the sound of a throat being cleared.

I spring apart from Peeta like I've been set on fire, like I've been caught red-handed, like a guilty child being reprimanded.

I turn and see Prim standing at our front door, surprise and amusement all over her lovely features.

"Hi Katniss," she says casually and I blush and stare at the ground.

"Right, well..." Peeta trails off and I know he finds this much funnier than I do, "I'll see you lovely ladies later. Nice seeing you Prim," he adds before planting a quick kiss on my cheek and practically leaping off our front porch, heading back into town.

Prim doesn't say anything, just waits until I fight through the embarrassment and force myself to meet her eyes. She stands with her arms crossed in front of her, tapping one foot against the ground, enjoying this way too much.

"Anything you want to tell me..." she says.

"Not really," I respond immediately, making my way past her into the house.

"Oh come on," she protests.

"It's nothing," I insist, mortified at being caught in the middle of a heated make-out session by my little sister.

"That didn't look like nothing," She laughs and I turn red again.

"Come on, I want details. I'm hurt that you didn't even tell me," she pouts. "If you were going to share that with anybody it should be me."

She's right. I know she's right. I owe it to her of all people to be honest and let her in on what's going on in my life. I suddenly feel ashamed. I realize that sometimes I'm so caught up in providing for her that I don't really just stop to enjoy the simple things that sisters should share.

She glares at me, waiting for an explanation.

"It kind of happened really fast," I begin as we silently make our way into the kitchen. We start preparing dinner together, side by side. "I've been so busy with the competition and hunting and school, and now this. I couldn't find a right time to sit down and tell you."

"It's okay," she shrugs, and I know she really doesn't mind. She's forgiving and understanding and better than me in so many ways. "I just want to know all about it," she giggles. "I mean Katniss...you have a boyfriend!"

I share in her laughter because even I can admit the very idea is so absurd. I start to tell her everything. About the way I kind of always looked at Peeta, about the way he took care of me when I got knocked out at training and the first kiss we shared. We continue preparing the meal together, she sorts through some roots and berries while I fry up some leftover squirrel meat.

It feels so good to talk to someone about this, especially Prim. It makes me feel like we're growing closer, bonding. I don't know why I didn't turn to her sooner, sharing this with her makes so much more sense than sharing it with Gale. He just got over protective, but didn't really seem to care one way or the other.

Prim is enthralled by the tiniest details. She asks questions, gushes when I tell her the sweet things Peeta has done or said, and hangs on my every word. It makes me realize I don't appreciate being with my sister enough. I'm always so focused on our survival that I forget to just enjoy being with her.

We're so busy talking and making dinner that neither one of us realize the sudden presence of another person in the room.

"You're with the baker's son now?" My mother asks calmly, joining us in the kitchen.

I freeze, not sure what to do or say. Sharing all this with Prim is one thing, but my mother is a completely different story. She is much better than she was right after my father died, but she still has her episodes. I don't trust her enough to let her in or show any kind of compassion for her. It may sound cold hearted, but I'm just doing what it takes to protect myself, to protect Prim. She shut us out once, why would I want to open up to her? I doubt she even knows where I have been spending my afternoons these past weeks when I'm not hunting.

Even still, I'm rather certain she just heard a good amount of our conversation and there is no use in denying it.

"Yes," I finally mutter out, not meeting her eyes.

"And how did that happen?" She persists.

I grit my teeth and try to push down my annoyance at her sudden interest in my life.

"It just did," I say in an even tone.

She sighs, and it is one of exasperation. I know she's upset with me, but I really don't care. I don't see where she gets off suddenly pretending to care about me. She can't just pick and choose the moments when she actually cares about her children.

"Fine, let's just eat," she says as we bring the food over to the dinner table.

"Yeah, let's," I agree, and Prim catches my eye. I shake my head, telling her not to worry.

We sit down to eat our meager meal together. My mother doesn't ask any more questions for the rest of the night and Prim and I stay up late, whispering and sharing secrets in bed.

The Opening Ceremony is held in the same multi-purpose room we've had all our training sessions at. There has been rows and rows of chairs added and the stage on the far side of the room is all decked out with microphones, speakers, a podium, and long hanging drapes that cover each side.

I touch my braid nervously and look around as the room begins to fill up with people from the district. I immediately regret wearing a dress. I debated with myself for a long time, but they did tell us to dress nice and this was the best thing I own. Now I'm certain it was a mistake, everyone will see me in this delicate, blue thing and immediately think I'm a simple girl that won't be able to compete with everyone else.

I tell myself to get over it, knowing there is nothing I can do about it now and make my way to the side of the stage where all the competitors are suppose to meet. Surprisingly, I'm not the first one here this time. In fact, I'm practically the last one to arrive and I try to ignore the amused looks on some of the boys' faces at the sight of me in a dress.

I look around for Peeta and can't help the smile that appears when I catch sight of him. He doesn't look too bad all dressed up like this. His clothes are a little big for him, probably one of his older brothers, but they make him look handsome and bring out the color of his eyes.

I remember my promise about finding alone time for us after this and I feel my stomach clench in anticipation.

My brief excitement and good mood however is ruined when I catch sight of Madge standing near Peeta. She is dressed in a red and white polka dot dress that looks brand new and shows off her womanly hips and full chest.

I groan in frustration, wondering why she continues to torment me.

I consider going over to Peeta just to say hello before the madness begins, but by the looks of it apparently everything is just about to get started.

Mayor Undersee, Haymitch, and Effie Trinket, the woman with ridiculous clothes and vibrant color wigs, that the Capitol sends every year to our district to host their programs, walk on the stage together. The Mayor and Haymitch take a seat and Effie marches straight to the microphone and taps it a couple of times.

"Welcome! Welcome!" She smiles and a hush falls over the crowd.

My fellow competitors start to form a single file line off to the side of the stage, out of sight of the crowd.

"It is my honor to welcome you to the opening ceremonies for this year's capitol hosted program, the Capitol Competition."

The crowd applauds politely and I realize I'm more nervous than I thought I would be. I sneak a peek at Peeta standing at the front of the line near Madge. I am last in line and will be the final competitor to be introduced.

Effie continues talking about the generosity of the Capitol for putting on these programs and how we should all be so grateful to them for taking pity on us or something. After a while I tune her out and start to get restless.

I am thankful we don't have to speak in front of everybody, but I start to worry that just walking on stage will somehow prove problematic. I imagine tripping in front of everyone and giving the evaluators that are here reason to cross me off the list of contenders before we even start.

Finally, after Effie has finished talking and they've played a message from President Snow and the Capitol, they begin announcing each competitor. Haymitch, the Mayor, and Effie take turns announcing each competitor and saying a little bit about them, what part of the district they're from, things they enjoy doing, and special skills.

My stomach begins twisting in knots as the line moves forward and one by one each competitor makes their way on stage, waves to the crowd and lines up facing the audience. About half of the competitors are introduced when Effie breaks up the monotonous tone of the introductions.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," she giggles breathlessly, "I nearly forgot. We at the Capitol would love to acknowledge and thank our student leaders who have been in charge of training the competitors the past two weeks to prepare them for the official competition. They were chosen out of a number of applicants and in return will be granted much more freedom and leniency when choosing their future career next year when they leave school."

My mind starts to swim. So that's why Peeta chose to take part in this whole thing? Because he wants to be able to choose what he does after school instead of it needing to be approved by the Capitol. After you leave school the Capitol either already has your job picked out or gets final approval if you choose to do something else, like stay in your family business.

I'm surprised I never wondered about the reason before. I just assumed, knowing he wrestled at school, that he would enjoy this type of thing, teaching other people fighting skills and how to build strength. I wonder now what it is he wants to with his life. I make a mental note to ask him about it later.

"Peeta Mellark," Effie calls out and I peak around the line to see Peeta shyly moving out of the shadows off stage with us and walking out in front of everyone.

He waves politely to generous applause and then immediately moves back to join us, out of the spotlight.

"In addition," Effie continues, "the Mayor's own daughter, Madge Undersee, has been aiding the competitors by preparing them for their final interviews after the competition."

I scoff. She showed up to one session and now she's being introduced as one of our trainers. She makes her way on stage just like Peeta, but she doesn't shy away from the spotlight. She waves at the crowd and lingers for a moment, even going so far as to pretend to be shy and embarrassed about the whole thing.

Finally, she returns to the side of the stage near Peeta.

"What a lovely daughter you have," Effie comments, turning to the Mayor. "She and Mr. Mellark would make quite the pair."

Madge laughs and shifts a little closer to Peeta.

I see red and want to scream.

I want to rip and claw at her until she wipes that stupid smile off her face. The feeling of possessiveness consumes me. Peeta is mine. I am so angry and jealous at just the very mention of him with Madge I can't think straight. For me it is a completely new feeling, to care about someone so much that you want them all to yourself, that the thought of them with anyone else drives you mad.

Effie resumes announcing the remaining competitors on the stage and slowly the line in front of me starts to disappear.

When there are only a couple of boys separating me and Peeta he catches my eye and offers me a small smile. I relax a little at the sight, but not much. I keep hearing what Effie said play over and over in my head.

The idea makes me sick, makes me panicky and uncomfortable. I realize it affects me so much because it actually makes sense. Madge and Peeta are both from the Town, they both have blonde hair and fair skin, they are both popular and well liked.

I try and remind myself that Peeta likes me, he's with me, but something keeps nagging at me. I remember the way Madge confronted me the day after Peeta took me back to his house when I fell unconscious. I remember the way she talked down to me, reminded me I was from the Seam after one of the sessions.

Suddenly everything, including the image of her laughing and blushing when Effie mentioned the idea of her and Peeta, makes sense. Of course she wants him. Who wouldn't want him? Besides the fact she's a snob, that's why she's been so particularly cruel towards me. She must sense something going on between Peeta and I.

My mind becomes eerily calm as only one boy stands in front of me now, waiting to be introduced. I glance at Peeta and he looks at me strangely, clearly wondering what I'm thinking.

I look to Madge who offers me her most tight-lipped, fake smile, looking me up and down, the disgust in her eyes clear.

In that moment I decide to do something reckless, something I might regret later, but something that demands to be done.

Just as the last boy in front of me is introduced, walking on stage and leaving only me, Madge and Peeta, off in the shadows, I take a step towards Peeta. He looks confused for a moment but doesn't protest. I glance once more at Madge who is staring at me with a combination of hatred and confusion. I wrap a hand around Peeta's neck, pulling him towards me and taking his lips in a kiss.

I kiss him deeply, letting my tongue reach out and stroke his. After a moment of hesitation he falls into the kiss, wrapping his arms around my waist. I bite down softly on his lower lip and slowly pull away until we break apart. I grin, giving him one more quick kiss just as my name is being called.

It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to look back at Madge. I don't need to see her expression to know I just won our little battle.

I smooth out my skirt and make my way on stage, waving brightly to the audience.


	7. Chapter 7

On the way to school the next day I hold Prim's hand and prepare myself for what's to come. I made my decision though and now I have to deal with it. If I thought Madge was rude before I'm sure she'll take things to a whole new level now. I don't see her going down without a fight and I know what I did at the Opening Ceremony only provoked her.

We come into view of the school and my pace starts to slow. I'm not sure if I'm ready for this. My stomach twists uncomfortably and I imagine what it will be like now that everyone knows our secret. I wonder how many people she has already told.

"Hey beautiful."

I turn and see Peeta approaching us, a bright smile on his face like he doesn't have a care in the world.

He kisses me on the cheek and then ruffles Prim's hair affectionately.

"Peeta you're messing it up!" She protests and the sight of them interacting brings a smile to my face.

Together, the three of us approach the building and when we get to the spot where I usually part from Prim I give her an extra hug and kiss on the forehead, feeling particularly anxious about leaving her today. I can see her struggling not to roll her eyes at me, but then she smiles and waves goodbye to Peeta and I.

"You okay?" Peeta asks quietly, reaching out to hold my hand as we make our way towards the older grades' section of the building.

I look down at our hands and then to the crowd of students around us. I have to work to calm my breathing and push down the nervous feeling in my stomach that won't go away. Suddenly I am sure I suffered from a moment of insanity when I decided to kiss Peeta in front of Madge.

Peeta must sense my anxiety because he pulls me off to the side, against a row of lockers that line the hallway.

"Katniss, stop worrying," he reproaches me gently.

"I know, I'm sorry..." I mutter staring at my shoes.

"Who cares what other people think? What's the worse they can do, talk bad about us?"

I lift my head to meet his eyes. He's right, I know he's right, but it doesn't mean I can just push down these irrational feelings of insecurity and fear that gnaw away at me. I wish I had his confidence. I wish I had his faith in us. It's not that I don't believe he cares about me, I just fear what's going to happen when we start to really have to deal with the backlash of people knowing about us.

"You're right," I respond, shaking my head to clear it, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," he says gently, grabbing my hand again as we make our way back down the hall.

We go our separate ways for class and then meet up before lunch. When I mention I don't have anything to eat Peeta just smiles and grabs my hand, dragging me into the cafeteria.

"Well, it's a good thing I brought enough for both of us then," he says as we make our way past the rows of tables.

"My hero," I joke, rolling my eyes even as I feel a rush of warmth and gratitude for his kindness.

The feeling makes me relax, makes me forget where we're at and all the worries and concerns I'm usually holding onto. I slip my arm around his waist without thinking and lean into his body. He leans down and places a kiss on top of my head and I smile.

If only things could always be this easy.

At the end of the tables, on the far side of the cafeteria, a group of students have gathered, blocking a part of the wall. We see a bunch of people laughing and whispering, their backs facing us.

"Wonder what this is about?" Peeta wonders out loud as we approach the back of the group. I freeze, my stomach turning to knots as I somehow already know what is happening.

Peeta, however, makes his way through the students, excusing himself and pushing forward. Eventually the crowd parts right down the middle, leaving a clear pathway to the wall and exposing what they had all been gathering around.

Hanging on the wall is a poster about half the size of my bed at home. In bright red writing are the words "KATNISS EVERDEEN: SEAM SLUT".

I flinch at the words, as if seeing them has actually physically hurt me. I feel the heat rush to my face and I lower my head, staring at the floor as every pair of eyes in the vicinity turns to me. I want the ground to swallow me whole. I could die right now of embarrassment.

I look up when I hear Peeta tearing the paper down from the wall. He turns and I don't think I've ever seen him this furious. Not even when Karrick threw that knife at my head.

He rips the thing to pieces and shoves it in the trash. He turns and scans the cafeteria before landing on his target. I see him making his way towards a table that includes a few familiar faces, including Madge and some boys I've seen him hang around with before.

"Hey Mellark," one of the boys calls out as Peeta approaches, "we hear you're slumming it now."

I follow Peeta without thinking, not wanting him to do anything that could get him in trouble.

The boy grins dumbly as the group around him laughs.

Madge sits beside him looking very pleased with herself. That smile on her face gives her away, but I know there's no way we can prove she's the one responsible for that sign.

"Shut up, Dean," Peeta replies, breathing fire through his nose. He is livid as he scans the group in front of him.

"What the hell is your problem?" he asks and with surprise I realize he is directing his question at Madge. He must have put two and two together and realized the kiss we shared in front of her yesterday led to this.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Madge returns, pretending to be hurt by the harshness of his words. "I had nothing to do with that," she adds, lying through her teeth.

Peeta fixes her with a cold, hard stare and I can tell he wants to say more, but he holds back. He sighs in frustration and shakes his head.

"Can't say I blame you," the blonde hair boy, Dean, adds on, "I mean...if what they say about Seam girls is true."

Peeta makes a sudden movement, ready to lunge across the table and grab this boy by his neck but I catch his arm just in time. I pull him back, having to physically restrain him from going after him. He stares at the boy, enraged as his fists tighten and his breathing becomes fast and uneven. "I said shut up," he growls, his tone dangerously low.

"Come on," I urge, trying to get his attention, "they're not worth it. Let's just go."

I catch a peek of Madge, pretending to be completely innocent in this whole thing. We lock eyes and I hold my chin up, making sure she knows she didn't break me, that her little games won't work. I wrap my arm around Peeta's waist and lean into his body, the silent message that Peeta is mine and she can't do anything about it.

Peeta, to his credit, keeps his cool, and after a moment of hesitation, rethinks the idea of engaging in any kind of conflict here at school, in the cafeteria.

"We're done, you hear me," Peeta calls out loudly, "I'm done with all of you." He says, glaring at the table of Dean and Madge and a few others.

He turns and takes my hand, storming out of the cafeteria and not looking back.

I follow, willing to go wherever he takes me.

"So what do you think?"

I look around the 20 by 30 foot space of the abandoned shack, still not quite sure what to say.

As we left the cafeteria Peeta kept walking until we were leaving the school grounds and I didn't stop to question him or protest. I have never skipped school before and I figure one afternoon off won't hurt. I could also tell that Peeta was worked up and just needed to get away. He may have been confident before, been sure the opinions and comments from people when they found out about us didn't matter, but he was clearly affected more than he would like to admit about that scene at lunch.

It was probably a bit of a shock for Peeta, who has always been so popular and well liked, to suddenly have these people turning their back on him, casting him off. I wanted to comfort him, tell him it didn't matter, but he seemed to have already adopted that mindset as he walked away from school with a purpose. His hand holding mine tightly, never looking back.

He brought me here, to a small shack-like structure on the far side of the Seam. I'm surprised I've never noticed it before. It has to be at least 100 yards from the nearest house and if you weren't looking for it you could easily miss it.

The shack is one room. There is a fireplace on the opposite wall from the door and a window that faces the fence that separates the district from the woods. A small square table with two chairs, one that is broken and teeters awkwardly, sits in the corner.

In the corner, near the fireplace, is a wooden four poster bed with a mattress that doesn't seem to be in too bad of shape. There are sheets and blankets thrown casually across the bed.

"Were those already here?" I find myself asking, gesturing to the blankets.

"Oh umm no..." Peeta mumbles nervously, grabbing the back of his neck. "I came by here once when I realized that it was abandoned and then I brought those by later."

He blushes and stares at the ground.

"I wasn't assuming anything...I just figured...since we can't really go to either of our houses...I just wanted you to be comfortable..."

Realization sweeps over me and I feel a smile forming.

"Well, let's make the bed," I announce.

I see him sigh in relief and he follows me over to the bed. We spread the cover over the mattress and then lay out the sheet and blankets on top. I kick off my shoes and climb on top when we're finished. I pat the space next to me and he removes his own shoes before joining me.

"This is much better than school," I say, taking his hand in mine as we lean against the headboard.

"Being with you is much better than a lot of things," Peeta returns without a moment's hesitation.

I grin, feeling the joy bloom inside me. Peeta says these things with such ease, so naturally that I know they are not contrived. He is never just trying to flatter me for the sake of it, he truly means what he says.

"I'm so sorry...about earlier...about what they did..." he says, hanging his head.

"It's not your fault," I assure him, "I'm the one who pulled that stunt in front of Madge at the Opening Ceremony. And I'm fine, really. I just want to focus on being here with you now."

He nods his head in response but doesn't say anything. After a few moments of silence I realize he is more upset about this than I thought.

"Are you okay?" I ask softly, rubbing my thumb along his knuckles.

"I'm fine," he sighs and brings the back of my hand to his lips, kissing it. "They're not my friends, they never were if being with you has suddenly given them license to act like that."

"I don't want you to regret anything..." I trail off, not sure how to express what I'm feeling. I don't want him to ever think I'm more trouble than I'm worth.

"I haven't regretted a single moment since we got together Katniss," he explains and then I decide I've had enough of thinking and talking and worrying for the day.

I lean in and kiss him hard on the mouth, trying to convey the kind of passion I feel for him. The kiss quickly heats up and I moan against his lips.

He wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me down the length of the bed so I'm lying flat on my back, our lips never parting. He moves over me, his lips setting me on fire, making the need and desire pool low in my belly so I begin to tremble a little. I want him in ways that make me nervous, in ways that I have never even imagined.

He must feel it too because when we break apart his breathing is ragged. He rests his forehead on mine and pushes his hips against me. "Katniss..." he breathes out, leaning in to press kisses against my neck.

"I want you," the words leave my lips before I can stop them and when I look up to meet Peeta's eyes, I feel as shocked as he looks by my confession.

He swallows thickly and then I do something so bold it's like I'm someone else entirely.

I reach out and grab his right hand and bring it to my chest, placing it on my breast, over the fabric of my button down shirt. His breath catches in his throat and his eyes dart back and forth between his hand and my face. I smile at him softly, telling him it's okay, telling him that I want this.

He squeezes my breast softly and we both groan in pleasure. I wrap my hand around the back of his neck and pull him towards me, reconnecting our lips.

We kiss softly and slowly, tasting each other as he continues to touch me. Eventually over the shirt and the bra is not enough for either of us and I'm glad when his nimble fingers start to undo the buttons of my shirt, exposing my bra to him.

He breaks away from our kiss and starts kissing down my neck, in the hollow of my clavicle and then across my chest. My shirt is completely open now and he pushes it to the side. His eyes dart up to meet mine and the innocent, eager look he gives me makes me sure I want to do this with him.

I reach down and undo the front clasp of my bra - grateful that by some act of fate I chose to wear this particle garment today - and reveal myself completely to him. I avoid his eyes at first. I never thought I would show my body to anyone like this and I worry what he might think. I know I'm not big chested like some of the other girls at school.

Finally, I raise my eyes to look at him but he is still staring at my breasts. He finally looks up at me and offers me a crooked grin. "Wow...you...wow," he stutters over his words before kissing me again.

He reaches out and touches me again and the feel of his skin against mine is electrifying. I whimper and arch my back, urging him to take more of me in his hand. He breaks away from our kiss and moves down my chest.

I gasp as his mouth covers my nipple. I run my fingers through his hair, curling my toes and realizing there is a direct connection between what he is doing to my breasts and the ache between my legs. He licks and sucks and teases each nipple until I can feel that my underwear is completely wet. When he pulls away I tug at his shirt, pulling it over his head until it hits the floor.

He is breathtaking. I knew he was strong, knew he had muscles from working out a lot, but nothing quite prepared me for the sight in front of me now. His chest and shoulders and arm muscles are all perfectly defined, strong and big without being intimidating. His stomach is flat and there are indents on his sides where his torso meets his hips, creating a V that forms his narrow waist.

I run my hands over the newly exposed skin in wonder. He closes his eyes and then leans down to kiss me again. I am hot and needy and that throbbing sensation between my legs only grows in intensity.

Slowly, his hand trails down my side and rests on my hip for a moment. I push myself towards him and his hand finds it way to the apex of my thighs, rubbing me softly over the fabric of my pants.

I whimper softly, clinging to him and breathing hard. The feeling of his hand there, even over the rough material, makes me tremble. Suddenly, I feel overwhelmed, by how much I want him, by the way my body aches for more, by how nervous I feel about going this far. He stops, pulling away slightly.

"You okay?" He whispers, moving his hand to cup my face.

"Yeah," I gasp out. "It just...feels really good."

He chuckles softly and kisses me again.

"I've just never..." I trail off, but he seems to understand my meaning.

"Yeah, me neither," he returns and the thought makes me glad, makes me happy we're experiencing this together for the first time.

"We can slow down," he offers, but I just shake my head. I reach down and undo the button and zipper on my pants, tugging it down my hips and then kicking them off my feet.

"I want this," I say, taking his hand and pushing it inside the waistband of my underwear.

He hesitates for just a moment and then he slowly pulls my underwear down my legs, leaving me bare and vulnerable.

I shiver, not sure if it's from the slight chill in the shack or from my nerves.

Peeta grabs a blanket and covers my legs, pulling it up to about mid-thigh.

"You're so beautiful," he whispers, placing his hand against my stomach. He kisses me and I try and focus on the feel of his lips rather than how his hand is slowly making it's way back between my legs.

He cups me, pressing his fingers against my wetness. I moan, amazed that just the touch of his hand makes everything inside me sing with pleasure. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, breaking away from our kiss and focusing on the sensations he is causing.

He kisses my cheek softly and then trails his lips to my jaw line and down my throat. I want to just enjoy what is he doing to me, but it's more difficult than I expected. The way he's touching me, so intimate and sensual, is new and different and amazing and so many things I can't wrap my head pleasure is so intense I'm not sure what to do with it. It's almost too much to take in, the way he is affecting me, the kind of control he has over my body.

He slips one finger inside me and I cry out, arching my back and tensing up.

"It's okay," he whispers in my ear soothingly, "hey, it's okay."

I relax a little, letting his words lull me into a sense of ease. I sink back into the surprisingly soft mattress, and take a couple of slow, deep breaths.

"Katniss..." he says, my name hanging in the air between us. He trails off, a lingering pause before he continues. "I want to make you feel good."

He pushes his finger inside me again and this time all I can feel is pleasure. I don't think, I just let him take control of my body. I jerk my hips towards his hand in response, but the rest of my body remains more calm, tightening only from the pleasure building in my core.

I moan as he adds a second finger and close my eyes. He starts pumping his fingers in and out and the feeling overwhelms me, an intense pleasure that starts between my legs and spreads to every inch of me.

Suddenly, I can think of nothing other than what his hand is doing between my legs. I vaguely realize I'm shouting into the silence of the shack, mumbled nonsense and loud affirmations of how much I'm enjoying this.

He keeps pumping two fingers inside of me and then his thumb finds the bundle of nerves at the junction of my legs. He pushes down and starts rubbing it slowly and just hard enough to make me see stars. Everything in my body coils like a spring and I feel something coming on that I can't and don't want to stop. His fingers start to increase their speed a little and my shouts die in my mouth, every muscle in my body tenses, and my insides clench around him.

A release, a wave of tingling, sweet satisfaction hits me and my body goes limp. I cling to him, breathing hard and covered in a thin layer of sweat. I'm trembling and my limbs feel like dead weight. Peeta plants kisses over every inch of exposed flesh he can find.

"That was...wow," I finally say when I find my voice again.

Peeta just laughs as his lips find mine. We kiss slowly and lazily for a few moments as I come down from my high. After a moment I realize I can feel him straining through his pants, pressing against my stomach.

I want to make him feel as good as he just made me feel.

It's a little intimidating, surprising even, to know I have this kind of affect on him, but I try and forget my nerves. Doing this with Peeta makes sense, it feels right, even if it's still new and a little overwhelming.

I reach down slowly and grab at the button of his pants. He pulls away and shoots me a glance before reaching down and undoing it himself. He pushes down his pants to his ankles and leaves his boxers on.

I swallow thickly at the tent-like affect his erection is causing. I try to just focus on how this means that he wants me, that he's attracted to me, and I'm less nervous. I look at Peeta once before reaching out and pulling his boxers down his hips, exposing him to me.

I've seen this part of the male body before, limp and attached to the bodies of the ill and dying on our kitchen table when my mother is called on to help with the victims of mining accidents, but never like this.

He's rock hard and longer than I expected.

I look back and forth between his hardness and his face several times. I remind myself that this is just him and his desire for me, nothing to be intimidated by. His breathing is shallow and he holds a look of intensity when my eyes meet his that never wavers. It's this look that makes me certain I want to do this, that gives me the courage to go for it.

Slowly I reach out and take him in my hand and the gasp that escapes his mouth propels me forward. I study him in fascination, noting how soft the skin is and the moisture that has leaked from the tip. I work my hand up and down and the strangled moans of pleasure that escape his lips are like music to my ears.

"Katniss..." he breathes, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "That feels so good."

"Good," I smile, leaning down to kiss him. He deepens the kiss, pushing his tongue into my mouth and my hand starts to go a little faster.

I realize that what I'm doing on him is having an affect on me as well. Touching him like this, seeing how much he enjoys it, is making me wet again. I decide I need something to ease my movements up and down his length and I reach between my legs and touch myself. I use the tips of my fingers to gather the wetness that has seeped from my folds and then return my hand to him.

I pump him up and down with ease now, and when I glance back at his face his mouth is hanging open.

"What?" I ask self-consciously.

"That was so hot..." he says, wrapping a hand around my neck and bringing my lips to meet his again.

I smile through the kiss and start to feel more confident. I pump him at a steady pace and when we break away for air I study his body, how his hips start to jerk forward, how his muscles are tensing from my touch. He puts his fingers in my hair and starts to quiver, moaning nonsense as I alternate my pace from fast to deliberately slow.

"How are you so good at this?" He groans as his hips start thrusting upwards.

He cries out as I pump him increasingly faster a few more times and then he explodes in white, long spurts all over my hand and his stomach.

His breathing is shallow and his body has sunk back into the mattress. I sneak a glance back at him and his eyes are closed, a smile of pure bliss on his face.

"That was really good..." he murmurs.

I smile and plant a kiss on his cheek. Then I notice that some of his release is on my hand, a milky white substance that feels light and sticky. I bring my hand to my mouth and lick it clean, curious to see what it tastes like. There is a bit of saltiness to it, but I decide it doesn't really taste like anything.

I feel free and light-headed and different somehow lying here with him, both of us partially undressed, recovering from the pleasure we just shared, the intimacy with which we touched each other's bodies. I realize I'm not nervous or scared or hesitant anymore. Being with him like this, naked and physically close, makes sense to me. It's something that is good and special and makes me want more of him.

I help him clean the rest of his release off of his stomach, using my fingers and tongue. I look up at him when I finish and he's looking at me in awe.

He tugs me up towards him urgently and kisses me hungrily, flipping us over so I'm lying on my back. His tongue traces my bottom lip and then he finally pulls away.

"You're amazing," he chuckles and presses a kiss to my shoulder.

"You're not so bad yourself," I reply, kissing him again and hooking my leg up over his hip.

The feeling of our bare hips pressed against one another reignites the pleasure from earlier. He is so warm and his length against my inner thigh makes me want more of him. There is an ache deep in my belly I know only he can satisfy.

I look up at him and he swallows thickly, clearly just as affected as I am. When he speaks his voice is thick and full of emotion.

"As much as I hate to say this, we should probably get back to school," he offers, detaching himself from my arms and rolling over on his back.

I know he's right, but I can't help but feel disappointed. What we are sharing is too good, feels too amazing, and I want more. I nod my head in agreement and sit up in bed. He joins me and before I can redo the clasp on my bra he leans over and kisses me. His lips are gentle, but the kiss is passionate.

He reaches up and grasps my breast in his hand, squeezing gently.

I moan and then he pulls away. "We'll come back soon," he promises.

We dress in silence and then head back towards school hand in hand, what we shared in that shack at the far end of the Seam our own little secret.

We get back just before class is being let out for the day.

Peeta waits with me for Prim in our usual spot. He holds both my hands in his, interlacing our fingers, trailing his thumbs over my palms. We talk for a while, only focused on each other, and it surprises me when I realize some students have started to trickle outside, walking past us on their way home, and I've barely noticed. I feel so happy when I look at him it's hard to look away. It's hard now to care about what the people around us might be thinking.

"Good to see you two have taken my advice to heart," a familiar voice calls out.

We turn to see Haymitch approaching us and I am less annoyed at the old man's presence than usual.

"Sorry," Peeta shrugs, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

Haymitch simply rolls his eyes and pulls out his flask from his coat pocket. "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you," he grunts.

From over his shoulder I see the unwelcome sight of Karrick walking in our direction. He looks like someone knocked him over the head with a brick at the sight of Peeta and I wrapped in each other's arms. He approaches the 3 of us carefully, still looking confused as ever.

"So you two..." he trails off, his mouth hanging slightly open.

"She's taken," Peeta replies, tightening his hold on me.

"And that's allowed?" Karrick asks in protest, turning to Haymitch.

"What? You want to date him? I don't think he swings that way," Haymitch returns without missing a beat. "But yeah, there aren't any rules against it. Besides his role in this competition is over. There's no more training, the part that actually matters starts in two days."

Karrick turns and fixes me with a cold, hard stare that I simply return without blinking an eye.

"Don't get the wrong idea," I tell him calmly, "when I beat you and win this thing it will have nothing to do with my relationship with Peeta."

He laughs loudly, throwing his head back into the air.

"I should have known...you being from the Seam and all. It's what you girls are known for, isn't it?"

I feel Peeta tense beside me and I tighten my hold on him.

"I'll see you at the competition," he says finally, before turning and walking away.

"I knew I never liked that kid," Haymitch breaks the silence after he leaves. "Well, you two made your decision so now you have to deal with the repercussions."

"We got it, thanks," I retort, realizing I'm oddly calm, that since we left the shack I haven't given a second thought about what people say or think about us. Even Karrick's vicious words barely had an affect on me.

"Right, well..." Haymitch trails off, looking back and forth between Peeta and I. "Do me a favor though, just try and keep it off the radars of people from the Capitol, especially Effie."

I shrug nonchalantly, "Yeah sure, we'll try."

"I don't think I made myself clear," Haymitch responds, a sudden look of intensity in his eyes and edge in his voice. "It's important that people from the Capitol don't get wind of this little love story."

Peeta and I stare back at him for a moment before exchanging confused looks with each other.

"Okay," Peeta finally replies, "we'll be careful."

Just then I see Prim making her way over to us. She smiles and comes over to me first, wrapping her arms around my middle. "Hi Peeta, Hi Mr. Abernathy," she says politely.

Peeta smiles at her and Haymitch grunts. When the old man looks down at her face he softens a little and shoots her a grimace that I think was meant to be a smile.

"I'll see you around," Haymitch mutters, making his way past us without another word.


	8. Chapter 8

I wake early the morning of the first part of the Capitol Competition.

I put on my most comfortable clothes and make breakfast, bringing the brown mush to the table just as my mother and Prim are waking up. We sit in silence and I can feel my nerves start to eat away at me. My stomach is twisted in a ball of knots and soon the sight of the food in front of me makes me nauseas.

I realize as Prim helps me clear the plates away and wash them in the sink that I haven't been focusing on the competition as much as I should have. Between the excitement of being with Peeta and the frustration caused by Madge and Karrick the past few weeks, my attention has been somewhere else entirely. I've worked hard, practiced and done my preparation at the training sessions, but the idea of actually having to perform and compete in front of the evaluators for real today makes me uncomfortable.

I look at Prim's sweet, angelic face as we work side by side and remind myself why I chose to do this in the first place. It's not that I'm not glad to have Peeta in my life now, more than glad truthfully, but I don't want to lose sight of the importance of winning this thing and how it would take care of Prim.

The year after next, when I am finished school, I'll be forced into a Capitol assigned occupation just like Gale was, probably working in the sewing factory or the apothecary clinic if I'm lucky. My chances to hunt and provide Prim and my mother with food will be limited and I can't let them starve. My wage from my new job will barely be enough to feed myself. Gale was lucky he still had a friend like me to help put food on the table. Added with what he could manage to get on his one day a week off to hunt and his family of 5 barely manages to get by.

My mother wishes me luck before I take off. I'm surprised and I feel a momentary flood of guilt when I remember that I never told her I was even doing this. I realize she must have figured out where I've been spending all my time these days when I haven't been hunting. Either that or Prim told her. She apologizes for not being able to come, saying she needs to brew a special remedy for the clinic that is in high demand.

I shrug it off and give her an awkward, but somewhat sincere hug.

We walk towards the town hand in hand, Prim rambling on about how great she thinks it is that I'm the only girl doing this. She says how she has been telling all her friends about me. I would probably feel embarrassed or at least tell her it's no big deal, but I'm too preoccupied with my own thoughts.

I try and steady my breathing, willing myself to stay calm. I try and remember what Peeta told me about fighting hand to hand, the areas I should aim for, how I need to use my elbows more to disarm my competitors.

When we get there the multi-purpose room has been completely transformed.

There is a big crowd, bigger than I expected, already filling the stands around the room. At the far end of the room I see the Capitol officials, judges and evaluators that will be determining the winner of this thing. The are all gathered near a long table that is cloaked in a scarlet cloth with the seal of Panem hanging in the front. A few of them are wearing deep purple robes, holding clipboards and talking amongst themselves. The others are dressed in true Capitol fashion, bizarre outfits, outrageously bright colors, and excessive make-up.

Prim breaks my thoughts and tugs on my sleeve, saying she sees her friends that she's going to go sit with. She pulls me down to her level and throws her arms around my neck. I fight the momentary urge to cry. "Good luck," she whispers, planting a kiss on my cheek before taking off.

I wander through the crowd in a daze, noticing how the room has been arranged. There are the familiar mats we used for training on one side of the room, a table set up at the edge and a circle, big enough for two people to fight in, marked off in tape on the ground. In one corner there are weights and punching bags, and on the opposite side, knives, swords, and bows are laid out with targets to accompany them.

I take a shaky breath and not for the first time today try and get a hold of my emotions. I head towards the check-in table where I see Haymitch and Peeta already checking in my fellow competitors, crossing their names off a list, pinning numbers to their back.

I approach once the crowd clears and the smile Peeta gives me instantly makes me feel better. "Hey," he says, coming around the table to greet me.

"Hi," I return, noticing Haymitch rolling his eyes at us.

"Try and remember what I told you two, alright?" He grumbles. "Especially today, this place is crawling with people from the Capitol."

"We got it," Peeta replies and then grabs my hands and leads me off to the side, around the corner and along the outer edge of the room so we're hidden by the rows of stands.

"How are you feeling?" He asks, pinning my number to the back of my shirt.

I turn around to face him, my hands moving up and around his neck on their own accord. I shrug, not quite meeting his eyes as my fingers start to play with the ends of his hair.

"You're going to do great," he tells me, his arms snaking around my waist and his lips finding their way to the curve of my neck.

I close my eyes and let myself take comfort in feel of being in his arms. I tug his mouth to mind and kiss him gently at first, a silent thank you for his support, but it soon intensifies. He sucks on my bottom lip and my tongue reaches out to stroke his own. The passion between us, how quickly things can gain heat, makes that need, that desire I felt in the shack a few days ago, roar to life.

I break away, knowing this is not the time or the place for that.

We're both breathing hard and his arms tighten around my waist a little, pulling me closer so that our hips are flush against each other. The contact makes me moan and I move my hips against him when I feel his hardness through his pants.

He smiles and kisses me softly once more. "We'll have plenty of time for that later. Now go get ready."

I turn and reluctantly head back to reality and preparing for the competition.

He slaps me playfully on the backside and I yelp, not bothering to hide my grin as we emerge back into public view.

They separate us into 3 groups, assigning each group to one of the three different stations - fighting, strength, and weapons - to begin the competition. We'll rotate once we've been evaluated and judged until we've all completed every station.

My group begins with weapons first and I know I need to take advantage of starting with my best skill. Our evaluators are two old, heavy set men with white beards. They're wearing the same purple robes and hold clipboards in their hands, glancing down and making notes on it occasionally as their eyes sweep across the group of us.

I work hard to meet one of the man's eyes when his gaze falls on me. He smiles, amused I think, at the sight of the only girl in this group, in the competition as a whole. I try and shake the uncomfortable feeling this gives me, reminding myself to stay focused.

I go first, using the sword to attack the dummies like the judges request. The metal weapon feels heavy and awkward in my hand, but I make due, hitting my targets and slicing off the arms and heads of the inanimate objects in the allotted time.

When I move on to knife throwing I remember the arm motion Peeta told me to use. Two of my three knives stick in the board, one practically right on the bullseye and the other just to the right of where the first one landed.

"Very good Ms. Everdeen," the judge comments as I move on to the bow and arrow.

I reach out for the Capitol supplied, shiny, metal bow and work to hide my smile. I can't help silently thinking, you haven't seen anything yet.

With my confidence growing I grab an arrow and test it against my new weapon. It feels cool and familiar in my hands. Without even waiting for instructions I shoot at the target 15 yards away.

It misses completely, hitting the wall above the target and falling to the floor.

"Now, now Ms. Everdeen," the judge shakes his head, "wait until I have signaled that it is okay to begin. These weapons are extremely advanced and hard to handle. It might be too difficult for you to even attempt."

I glare at him incredulously and try to swallow my fury. Too difficult for me? Of course he just assumes that because I'm a girl. Well, and that shot probably didn't make me look very good, but it wasn't my fault.

The string of this new bow is rigid and the arrow slides against the metal in a different way than I'm used to with my father's wooden bow. Before I even released the arrow I could tell something was off.

I offer him my best apologetic smile and he tells me to take three shots aiming for the target. I take a deep breath and take my time, positioning the arrow until I feel comfortable with this strange and unfamiliar weapon. After a few moments I let it go but I can tell as it leaves my hand that this shot isn't much better.

The arrow shakes as it flies through the air, hitting the side of the target before falling to the ground. I stare in disbelief and anger at the arrow on the ground. When I flick my eyes to the judge standing beside me I see him shaking his head and writing on his clipboard.

I take a deep breath and clear my head, knowing I need to focus. I try and forget about my horrendous attempts so far and the pressure of the judge standing beside me, viewing me as a helpless, weak girl that is too far in over her head with these weapons.

I reposition the arrow, taking extra time to get used to and adjust to the feel of the weapon, and let it go.

It hits the target, but not the one I was aiming for.

I flush in embarrassment, suddenly feeling like I could scream and cry in frustration. This was not how this was supposed to go. Especially with the bow. This was suppose to be the one part I could actually count on succeeding in.

In my distraction and annoyance at my underperformance I grab the third and final arrow and shoot quickly, not aiming properly or setting it up against the bow in the correct position. It finally hits the target but falls to the ground rather than sticking.

I put the bow down, avoiding the eyes of the judge who says nothing. I move to the back of the line and silently fume over my failure.

I don't know how I could have just completely messed that up so badly. Maybe I was overly confident, maybe I should have brushed up on my shooting beforehand instead of worrying about the other aspects of the competition I'm weaker in.

I realize I've spent a significantly less amount of time in the woods actually hunting since this competition began. I have only been making enough kills to get by from day to day. My other time, when I haven't been training for this competition, has all been spent with Peeta. It was all too easy to let myself get swept up in the newness of being with him. Being wanted and desired, letting myself enjoy something, focusing on something other than putting food on the table was so enticing because I've never had anything close to it before. I've never imagined something as good as Peeta would ever come along in my life.

Now however, after that embarrassing display I just put on, I'm wishing I had stayed focused on the task at hand, the most important thing in the world to me, making sure Prim is taken care of.

I sulk and feel my spirits drop even further as the other boys in my group do considerably better than me with the weapons. I feel anxious and desperate to not completely fall apart as we finish up and move over to the strength station.

I don't do much better with these tasks either though.

They have to decrease the weights that all the other boys are lifting when it comes to my turn and by the looks of the judges I'm sure that's not exactly going to help me. They even seem to be disinterested and not really even paying attention when it comes my turn to show off fighting techniques with the punching bag.

I'm ready to call this entire part of the competition a failure after the first two stations, but as my group moves over to the training mats I catch sight of Prim in the stands. She waves at me eagerly and gives me a thumbs up. I manage to shoot her a small smile and her encouragement gives me enough motivation not to give up just yet.

I grit my teeth and decide to rally, ready to give everything I have to get a positive result in hand to hand combat. If I can beat my opponent, if I can win at this station maybe this part of the competition won't be a complete waste.

I watch the first two boys fight with a focused intensity, watching the way they move and how they attack each other. My eyes find the boy I'll be fighting standing across the mats from me. I barely remember him from training. I think his name is Ren. He is one of the few boys who has never done or said anything mean to me during training. He's quiet and a year older than me. He's at least a foot taller, but he's slender and can't have more than maybe 20 pounds on me.

When it's my turn I take my place on the mat in the center of the circle and face my opponent. I barely hear the words of instruction the judges give us, too focused on mentally preparing myself for this battle.

The whistle blows and I launch myself at Ren, deciding not to be the one waiting to get attacked this time. I take him completely off guard and I'm able to get in a few good kicks and hits to the side before he recovers and moves away. I am working completely on adrenaline. I feel the anger from failing earlier and the determination to salvage my chances driving me forward.

I must look completely mad, feral and out of control, as I stare down the boy. I can tell because he eyes me warily, like he's not sure what to expect. Suddenly, he's on me, delivering a kick to the side that causes me to double over in pain. He takes the opportunity to sweep my legs out from under me and then I'm on the ground, helplessly trying to crawl away.

This time however, I am not completely incapacitated by the blow and I'm ready when he attacks. I turn around to face him just as he approaches, sending a kick to his stomach that causes him to stumble backwards. I jump to my feet and move towards him, ready to finish him off. If I can keep him down for the required 10 seconds I'll be declared the winner.

My elbow makes direct contact with the side of his head and he falls to the ground. I jump on him, grabbing his arm and pulling it behind his back, attempting to keep him in pain to prevent him from getting up. He groans as I twist it a little further and I'm holding my breath, just waiting for a judge to blow the whistle or ring the bell or something that declares me the winner and makes this day not a total disaster.

I must not be paying attention or lose my focus though, because in one swift move the boy twists his body, freeing his other hand and raising it fast and hard, aiming a blow to my head that knocks me off him.

I feel dazed and sluggish as my body hits the mat, losing the urgency I had just moments before to win. I barely make it to my feet without falling over when I hear one of the judges blow a whistle.

I look over as he approaches the pair of us, making marks on his clipboard.

"Good effort you two," he says lazily, "we'll have to call this one a draw, however. You've gone over the allotted time."

I open my mouth to protest, anger and fear coursing through me as I realize I failed in this aspect as well, but no words come out.

"I believe this means you're done for the day," the judge smiles, "so we'll see you in a week for the second half of the competition."

"You did so good!" Prim tells me, wrapping her arms around my middle. "I can't believe you almost beat that boy!"

I smile at her weakly, unable to say anything in response. She doesn't realize how I've completely just failed her. She's so innocent she thinks my very participation in this competition should be something to be praised and rewarded.

It's not though. My horrible performance today did nothing to help me succeed. My failure won't put me in a position to win this thing and secure the money and food we'll so desperately need in a few years time.

"Why don't you find Vick or Rory and head home?" I tell her, running a hand over her hair. "I'll meet you there a little later," I explain and she agrees and makes her way through the crowd.

I move over to collect my stuff. I feel worthless. I feel like I let down the one person in the world that loves me unconditionally. I promised myself after my father died and my mother disappeared that I would never fail Prim. Even if it was difficult to find food or make sure we kept going I would at least try. I would sell what we had to, I would go hungry if it meant she had food in her stomach. I would never stop making the effort to provide for her.

Now my face burns in shame as I think about these past few weeks, realizing I have lost sight of that. I could have been better, I could have done more to prepare, I should have devoted my every waking moment to making sure I would succeed in this competition. It was essential that I won this because it would mean Prim's future will be taken care of when I no longer have to ability to provide for her anymore.

I'm so lost in my feelings of frustration and self-loathing I jump when I feel a hand on my back.

It feels foreign and when I turn around to see Peeta's smiling face I immediately direct my gaze at the floor, unconsciously taking a step back.

"Hey, good job today," he says, taking a step closer to me.

"You're kidding, right?" I ask him in disbelief, the anger and annoyance I've been trying to keep at bay rising to the surface.

"Uhh...no," Peeta laughs a little nervously when he sees the serious expression on my face. "A draw in hand to hand combat isn't a bad result and you did good at the other stations."

I shake my head and sling my bag over my shoulder, moving away from him. "I couldn't even hit the target with my bow and the judges were practically laughing at me at the strength station."

"Katniss...hey, wait up," Peeta calls, catching up to me and grabbing my arm. He pulls me off to the side and grabs me by both my shoulders, forcing me to look at him.

I bite the inside of my cheek, not wanting to cry. I'm so angry and embarrassed and upset about everything I want to just break down.

"Why are you being so hard on yourself?" He demands. "You didn't do that bad."

I laugh, a bitter, heavy laugh that gets stuck in my throat and reveals the emotion I'm feeling. "Yeah, well I was hoping to do better than just 'not that bad'," the words start flowing from me before I can stop to really think or analyze what I'm saying.

"You know, ever since we got together I've lost focus of why I signed up for this competition in the first place," I tell him, the need to release the guilt and anger about the day's events outweighing any rational thought. "I decided to do this so I can make sure Prim is always taken care of. That's the most important thing in the world to me and you've distracted me from that!"

The moment the words leave me I want to take them back. It's too late for that though and I know by the look on Peeta's face I've hurt him and making this right won't be so easy.

"So what, you're saying it's my fault?" Peeta questions, taking a step back from me.

I immediately want to reach out and pull him back.

I stare at the floor, hating myself. I don't respond, the words won't come because everything I'm feeling is too overwhelming to work out. I know he doesn't deserve the blame but my anger with myself and the pain I feel over my horrible performance today makes it hard to think rationally.

"Well I'm sorry you feel that way," Peeta finally says after the silence stretches on for what feels like forever. "I'll make sure you're free of any distractions in the future," he adds coldly and then immediately turns to leave, walking away and leaving me alone with my regrets.

I haven't seen Peeta in 3 days.

It has been the absolute worst 3 days I can remember in a long time. It's even worse because I know I only have myself to blame. I don't know what I was thinking or what could have prompted me to accuse Peeta of being the cause of my problems rather than the solution.

The idea that I thought he was somehow to blame for my lack of preparation is absurd really. If anything, I would have been less prepared if we hadn't got together, if he wasn't by my side giving me advice and telling me what to expect when the competition began I would have been much worse off.

I realize now that I need him in someway. And it doesn't make me weak, it just means I'm better with him than without. Being with him gives me what I have been in need of since my father died and my mother disappeared: comfort, support, and someone to care about me.

The fact of the matter is that I still have the final part of the competition to make up for what I may have lacked during the strength phase and when it comes to survival skills I know I have an edge against every kid from the Town. I owe it to Prim not to hang my head about my initial mediocre performance and give it everything I have in this last half of the competition.

I'm so lost in my thoughts of Peeta and the competition while hunting after school that I don't leave the woods until the sun has almost set. I got a good haul today, a couple of squirrels, a rabbit and a wild bird, so I decide to head over to the Hob before going home to see what I can get. We're okay on food for now so I can use practically all of this to trade for things we need.

The Hob is still pretty busy for it being dark out and I'm one of the few sellers so my game is pretty popular. It is one of those rare days where I can be picky with what I get so I only ask for a few essentials and then take money for the rest. With the money I track down the lady who sells dresses and fabrics that Prim and I tried to barter with a while back.

I pick out a baby blue dress and happily give her every cent I made for it, knowing the joy it will bring Prim. By the time I leave it is completely dark outside and I can only see a few steps ahead of me as I make my way back towards the Seam. A noise, a shuffling of feet, a few whispered words, muffled in the distance, startles me and even though I can't see anything in the darkness I pull my hunting jacket tighter around me and keep moving.

I cling to Prim's dress and the small bag of supplies, berating myself for not coming back from the woods sooner. I have just made it to the edge of Town when suddenly the sound of someone running towards me is all I can hear and I am immediately filled with dread.

As a hunter I recognize this sound, it is the sound of the prey about to be attacked, taken down for the kill.

A scream has barely left my mouth when I feel a pair of arms encircle me and my attacker pulls me to the ground. My head hits the hard packed surface of the Earth and I'm silenced by the pain, dazed and still taken off guard by the attack. Before I can even open my eyes or compose myself from the fall a cover slips over my head, a burlap sack that plummets me into total darkness.

Two sets of arms grab me by my hands and feet and carry me about 20 yards, probably to an alley along the path that leads to the Seam. They drop me on the floor and that is when the real torture begins. Three hard, swift kicks right in my gut leave me gasping for air, the pain unbearable. I make a move to take off the sack covering my face and someone punches me in the head, making direct contact with my temple.

I try and crawl away, desperate to evade any more hits but another kick to my back leaves me helpless on the ground. I want to cry. I want to give up. I just want this to be over.

A rough pair of hands flips my over so I'm lying on my back.

I hold up my arms up in protest, pleading for them to stop when another pair of hands pulls at the top of my shirt and then roughly squeezes my chest.

Pure panic, unadulterated fear, shoots through me and suddenly I'm thrashing around, kicking my legs and screaming as loud as the sack covering my face will allow me. The idea of them violating me in that way is too much to bear and I'm like a wild animal, absolutely losing my mind, doing whatever it takes to keep them from assaulting me like that.

The attack stops for a few moments and in the short moment of reprieve, despite the fact they have done a good job so far of covering their tracks, not letting me see their faces or hear their voices, I catch the sound of a few whispered words. The words saying 'that's good' and 'she's had enough' come only moments before a few more kicks and punches to my battered body, leaving me completely incapacitated.

The pain and trauma is too much and I feel myself slipping into unconsciousness as the footsteps of my attackers move away, leaving me broken and in pain, slumped in some alley with blood, bruises, cuts and scrapes as the only physical evidence of this unprovoked assault.

Before I give in to my injuries and my body shuts down from fatigue I have one last fleeting thought. That the voice of those whispered words I caught a hold of sounded awfully familiar. That I've heard that voice before taunting me in anger, that this isn't the first time that voice has been on the other side of my body being attacked. That voice reminds me being knocked unconscious during my first training session and of knives being thrown at my head.


	9. Chapter 9

Dawn has just arrived in District 12 when I finally come to.

I sit up slowly, my head pounding as last night's events come rushing back to me. I shift awkwardly and feel every blow delivered last night throb in pain. I take in my surroundings, thankful at least, that the deserted alley they left me in kept me out of sight.

I look around and see my small bag of supplies I picked up at the Hob. The contents are spread out over 10 yards from my spot in the alley to the path where I must have been walking when I was attacked. Everything is either broken or spilled on the ground, completely useless. There was nothing particularly essential lost and I'm thankful that I stocked up a couple days ago and we have enough food at home.

Then I catch sight of the baby blue dress I bought for Prim at the end of the alley, near the path to the Seam. I must have tried clinging to it in desperation as they dragged me over here.

I crawl over to the piece of fabric on my hands and knees, my stomach tightening and my eyes starting to water as I see the state it has been left in. I pick up the dress and press it to my face, releasing the tears of anger and sorrow for what has been taken from me, for what they did to me.

The dress is covered with dirt and rips everywhere from the force of the struggle. I wanted to give this to Prim so badly. I wanted to see her face light up when she saw it laid out on her bed, the realization that I remembered and went back and got it for her, the shock that she finally has something nice of her own now.

I cry for a long time, clinging to the fabric and letting myself sulk in the agony of it all.

Finally, with great effort, I rise to my feet, feeling every muscle in my body protest. I walk gingerly, and without realizing it, head back into Town, to the one person I now associate with safety and comfort, my salvation.

I knock twice on the back door of the bakery and I don't realize how careless I'm being until it's too late.

Fortunately, it's Peeta's father who answers the door. It's so early, but I'm sure he's already been up for a while, baking fresh goods to sell for the day. He takes one look at me, his eyes widening in alarm as he takes in my disheveled appearance, and then moves back inside the house without saying a word.

I sway on my feet at the doorstep, unsteady and weak. I am just about ready to collapse when I hear the most beautiful sound in the world, Peeta's voice.

"Katniss? Oh my god..."

I look up into Peeta's eyes as he steps outside and immediately burst into tears.

He pulls me into his arms, holding me so tightly I know he'll never let go. I bury my face in his chest, taking in the scent of him and wetting his shirt with my tears. He runs his hands over my hair and gently up and down my back, pressing kisses to my head and whispering words of comfort.

"It's okay, I got you now...you're alright," he says as my cries finally start to subside.

He pulls back after a while, cupping my face in his strong hands. He looks deep into my eyes and I can see how much he cares about me in that one look. He looks worried and confused, loving and compassionate, each emotion fighting to win out as he struggles how to process that I showed up at his door like this at this hour.

"Stay right here, I'll be right back," he commands and I nod silently as he disappears back inside for a moment.

When he returns he's carrying a bag of supplies and he takes my hand without saying anything and leads me away from the bakery. For a moment I'm confused about where we're going, but I don't protest, because I know I'll go wherever he wants to take me.

He leads me to the abandoned shack at the far end of the Seam. He doesn't say anything, just walks quickly and quietly, with a purpose. When we get there he leads me over to the bed that is still made from our time here together the other day and tells me to sit down.

He kneels in front of me and starts rummaging through his bag. He pulls out a plastic bag full of ice and tells me to hold it against my head where I can feel a huge bump already forming. He then takes out a clean rag and wets it with water from a canteen.

He reaches out gently and starts to wipe away the blood and dirt from my wounds, the ones on my face and arms. He still doesn't say anything, just takes care of me, nursing me back to health until my wounds are covered and I'm almost back to normal.

"I'm so sorry," I break the silence, unable to take it anymore.

"Katniss..." he sighs, and I know he's going to say it doesn't matter and he's not mad anymore, but that doesn't change anything.

I still need to make it right.

"No, I'm sorry about what I said. It wasn't your fault. I took my frustrations out on you," I explain, a fresh wave of pain and guilt and sorrow hitting me anew. "I don't know what I'd do without you. I'm so lucky I have you..." that's all I can get out before my emotions boil over and a lump forms in my throat and I have to stop talking before I start sobbing again.

He stands from his position kneeling in front of me on the floor and comes to sit beside me by the bed. I place the bag back in his bag. He wraps an arm around me and I lean into his body, resting my head on his shoulder.

He kisses my forehead once and just holds me for a little while.

"What happened?" He finally asks.

And I tell him. I tell him about walking home from the Hob when it was already dark and the attack that came out of nowhere. I tell him how they dragged me to the alley and the burlap sack they put over my head so I couldn't see who it was. I tell him how they punched and kicked me until I was almost unconscious, but I leave out the part where they grabbed my chest, wanting to spare him the misery of that humiliating detail. I do mention that I did hear one voice that I thought might belong to Karrick, but I can't be totally sure.

He stays silent the entire time, just pulling me a little closer as he listens patiently. When I finish I lift my eyes to meet his for the first time. His jaw is clenched so tightly I can see the muscles quivering with the effort. His eyes are swimming with the anger and pain that he is trying to keep at bay. It takes him several slow, deep breaths before he can speak.

"I wish I could protect you. I wish you didn't have to deal with any of this. I wish life was fair." He cups my face in his hands and kisses me gently. "You don't deserve this."

I lean up and kiss him deeply, wanting to feel as close as possible. I get lost in the taste of him, the taste of his mouth putting me back together, healing the wounds you can't see with your eyes. I cling to the front of his shirt, pulling him towards me. When we break away to catch our breath he leans his forehead against mine.

"Are you okay?" He whispers.

"I have you, don't I?"

He gives me a crooked grin and then we move to the head of the bed. We kick off our shoes and then he pulls me against his chest, one arm around my shoulders and the other holding my hand.

We drift off to sleep, content in each other's arms.

When we wake the sun is bright outside and it must be midday already. I glance up at him just as he is starting to come to. He gives me a lazy smile and I realize I already feel 10 times better than when I woke up this morning in that deserted alley. The scrapes and bruises are still there, but just being here with him has quieted the discontent in my mind, eased the pain in my soul.

I lean up to kiss him and slip my hand underneath the hem of his shirt, trailing my fingers across the flat muscles of his stomach. He makes a noise in the back of his throat. He pushes me onto my back and moves over me, deepening our kiss.

Suddenly, everything is hot and passionate and intense. The way things can heat up between us so quickly never fails to amaze me. He trails his lips down my neck, sucking lightly on the flesh. I moan because it feels so good and I don't want him to stop.

Before I can even process what is happening he moves down my body, pulling down my pants and underwear, and spreading my legs. I gasp at suddenly feeling exposed and vulnerable, but don't make any attempt to stop him. I close my eyes, waiting for the feel of his fingers against my wetness. Instead, I feel his hot breath and I cry out. I don't even have time to stop him or be embarrassed before he is licking me, sucking me, tasting me.

I writhe on the bed, grasping fistfuls of sheets, feeling my body respond to his touch. He doesn't stop, he is relentless. He devours me and although I know I should be embarrassed, I can't stop the moans of pleasure that escape me. I urge him on, bucking my hips up towards his face. My body tightens, the pleasure building, so much more intense than anything I've ever felt. I brace myself for the explosion and in one hot wave of ecstasy it hits me.

I scream, unable to hold back, letting the euphoria wash over me, letting it wash away all the pain and sadness I've held onto for so long.

Without realizing it I start to cry, overcome with emotion, with how he has come into my life and completely taken over my mind, body, and soul. My heart belongs to him now, there is no getting around that. It doesn't matter we come from different worlds. He is a part of me I never knew was missing.

He moves back beside me, pulling me in his arms. I can hear the sudden worry and concern in his voice when he asks me what's wrong, but I respond with the only thought I can fathom at the moment.

"I love you," I say, smiling through my tears.

The day before the second half of the competition I meet up with Peeta after school. All competitors are supposed to meet up at the multi-purpose room where they'll announce the standings after the first round. When we get there we split up, Peeta going over to talk with Haymitch while I hover awkwardly around the group of boys.

I try to meet Karrick's eye, but he won't even look at me. I want to stare him down, let him know he hasn't broken me, but as usual he is showing just how much of a coward he really is.

As my eyes remain trained on Karrick I watch from across the room as Peeta approaches him. Instantly Karrick's eyes widen in fear and he even shuffles a few steps backwards. His entire demeanor, his fear of Peeta, is as good as an admission of his guilt in my attack.

Peeta grabs him by the arm forcefully and pulls him away from the crowd of boys, practically dragging him to the other side of the room where he shoves him up against the wall. I can't hear what they're saying because Peeta is not shouting. He must be speaking in a very low, but dangerous, tone of voice based on the terror Karrick exudes. He stands with his back against the wall, shaking his head, trying to plead with Peeta, looking frantic as he realizes that someone knows exactly what he did, even if it can't be proven.

I flinch as Peeta puts a hand to Karrick's chest, pressing him into the wall and keeping him in place. He leans in, close enough so his lips are hovering near his ear, and then says something that makes Karrick look like he's about to faint.

After a moment, Peeta turns and walks away, leaving the coward shaking in his place, unable to move still.

Luckily, other than one of Karrick's friends, no one else has really seen or paid attention to the little scene that just unfolded. Everyone is still too busy talking loudly, too caught up in their own business to care. I make my way over to Peeta quickly, raising my eyebrows in a silent question, wanting to know what that was about.

He shrugs, but looks somewhat pleased with himself. "I just let him know even though we can't prove it I know what he did. I also told him I'd wait until he was least expecting it to return the beating."

I open my mouth to protest, not wanting Peeta to involve himself like that. It's not worth it and it doesn't help or change anything.

Before I can say something though, Peeta just laughs. "Don't worry, I don't have any plans to really go after him. I figure the fear and anticipation he'll have looking over his shoulder and waiting for it is good enough."

I grin, wanting to throw my arms around him and kiss him, but I stop myself, remembering where we are. Instead we separate again, as I make my way back to the group of boys and he joins Haymitch.

Haymitch sits at his usual fold-up table, a whiteboard in his lap, facing him. He keeps checking a wrinkled piece of paper in his hand and using a black marker to write on the board. Finally, he seems to be finished. He clears his throat to try and get our attention, but no one is listening.

Peeta notices and takes charge. "Okay, everyone gather round."

The group immediately moves towards the table, going completely silent.

"Alright, we have your standings so far in the competition after the first round. This was based on your result in hand to hand combat and the marks the judges gave you for your performances at the strength and weapons stations. This is just to give you an idea of where you're at heading into the last half of the competition tomorrow," Peeta explains.

Haymitch stands up from his seat and turns the whiteboard around so we can see what he's written. Everyone immediately pushes forward and crowds around so my view is blocked. I try and squeeze my way forward, standing on my tip toes and moving my head through the crowd to try and see.

I scan the list of 14 names and find my own positioned at number 6.

Immediately, I'm relieved. After the disaster that was my performance at the first half of the competition I was convinced that all hope I had of actually winning this thing had vanished. But it turns out I'm not totally screwed. If you had told me I would have done better than half of the boys competing before we even started I would have taken it in a heartbeat.

After staring at the list a little longer a few other things hit me as well.

I feel myself grinning in gleeful triumph when I notice Karrick and his friend Aren are ranked 8 and 9, respectively. I try and meet their eyes again, wanting to see what they have to say now, wanting them to see the smug look of satisfaction I have over outperforming them, but they just murmur quietly to themselves, looking deeply displeased and worried.

But then, I notice something else too.

The boy I fought in hand to hand combat, Ren, the one I tied, is ranked 13. I search my memory. We fought to a draw at our last station and I specifically remember him doing much better than me at the first two. If anything he should be ranked ahead of me. The thought makes me frown as I work out what to make of this.

I study him, his shoulders falling in defeat as he realizes he has no hopes of winning now with such a poor ranking after the first round. I search his face trying to figure out where I know him from. He lives in town, I'm sure of that, but I don't think he's a merchant's son. I think his father might work at the inventory station, monitoring and recording our weekly coal output for the Capitol, hardly a position of wealth or influence.

For some reason I can't explain, his poor ranking troubles me and I can't shake the odd feeling it gives me.

Peeta and Haymitch make a few more announcements before releasing us and wishing us good luck tomorrow. I linger off to the side, not wanting to be obvious, and wanting to wait until everyone is gone to approach the pair of men in charge.

Finally, when the crowd has cleared I come over to Peeta who immediately takes me in his arms, holding me close. "Six out of fourteen isn't too shabby," he whispers in my ear and I can't help but smile.

When he releases me I catch sight of Haymitch rolling his eyes at the pair of us.

"Good job sweetheart, I knew you'd give these boys a run for their money," he quips.

"Thanks..." I trail off feeling strange, feeling like I didn't exactly earn the ranking I got.

I watch as Haymitch shuffles through the mess of papers he's always carrying around. I suddenly realize that Haymitch, more than anybody, could help me sort through my sudden confusing and conflicting emotions.

"My ranking was a little...generous, don't you think?" I ask him, noting the way he tenses a little and keeps his back facing me.

"Katniss, come on, we've been over this..." Peeta starts to protest. "You're too hard on yourself."

"No, Peeta I'm not trying to be self-critical or anything," I explain, keeping my eyes trained on Haymitch. "I just didn't exactly do my best that day. And that boy...Ren, he did a lot better than me and he's practically already eliminated."

Haymitch finally turns around and eyes me carefully for a long moment. I hold his gaze, trying to read him. He sighs and runs a hand through his shaggy mess of hair.

"So are you going to ask me or not?" Haymitch finally says.

"Do I want to know?"

"I don't know, do you?"

We stare at each other, unblinking, trying to figure the other one out.

"What is going on?" Peeta breaks the silence, clearly confused by this whole thing.

Haymitch drops down into his chair at his fold-up table, looking exasperated.

"Alright, I'll give it to you straight, but only because you asked for it. And I trust you two." He looks around the huge empty room as if searching for anyone that might be hiding in the corners. "But you didn't hear this from me. And this doesn't leave this room."

Peeta and I are suddenly hanging on his every word, moving closer to him, eager to hear what he has to tell us.

"I've been running these Capitol programs since I was your age. I won my last year of school. It was a trivia competition, testing our knowledge of the history of Panem and it's districts. I kind of worked the system and found a way to get the answers ahead of time. They didn't find out until after of course, and when they did they took back the food and money from my family, leaving them to continue living in poverty. And then they stuck me with this god awful job, forever the Capitol's proxy for keeping the district in line with their programs."

Once Haymitch gets going, he doesn't stop. The words spill out of him like he's been holding this in forever, like he's been dying to share this with someone.

"Anyway, my point is, I've been around long enough to know how these things work. There's a reason why the rankings are mainly based on the judges' arbitrary opinions about your performance. They wouldn't want it decided objectively, then they couldn't control the kind of outcome they want."

I let this information sink in and slowly start to understand what he's saying. The realization of how this Capitol Competition actually works makes me queazy and suddenly I don't like being a part of it.

"They sell these programs as a way the Capitol takes care of the districts, rewards and provides for it's citizens. It couldn't be farther from the truth though. This is just how they make sure we stay dependent on them. They want us to be grateful for their generosity and hopeful that someday they'll reward us with their kindness. But they don't want us too hopeful, they like to keep us dumb and distracted. That's why everything is a big production. That's why you two don't want anyone from the Capitol finding out about your relationship - there would be nothing better to flaunt the success of their programs than young love."

My mind is racing. There are so many things I want to say right now, but the words won't come. I can't form a clear thought.

"That's the last thing you two want, trust me," Haymitch adds. "Once they get their claws in you, once the Capitol decides they want to use you for any reason, you don't really have a choice. You start out just looking for a little help, but then they ask for everything in return, your independence, your life, your future."

Haymitch shakes his head sadly, but I sense he's glad to have this weight off his chest.

I was right earlier, I realize, when I thought Haymitch was actually looking out for me, for us. He has our best interests in mind and I feel a rush of gratitude for the haggard looking man in front of me.

Finally, I find my voice.

"So I'm ranked higher than that boy Ren because..."

"Think about it, who would you rather see win? What makes a better story? Some no-name kid from Town or a girl from the Seam competing against all boys?" Haymitch asks.

I can't help but feel hurt. I naively thought at one point that maybe I could win this competition because of my abilities and skills, that I could actually outperform all these boys at any tasks asked of me. Now I know though that there will never be any fair outcome. That boy Ren never had a chance because the Capitol's judges don't think it would be very interesting if he were to win.

I feel shame and anger and a bunch of other emotions I can't quite identify. I realize now what I could never really see clearly before. The Capitol Competition was never a way to ensure Prim's safety and well-being in the future. It's just another form of oppression, like how they keep us all in poverty, except with their programs they keep us under their control.

"Thanks...for telling us this," Peeta finally says after a while. "We needed to know."

"You didn't hear it from me," Haymitch reminds us, shrugging it off. He gathers his pile of papers and a few other belongings and stands up from the table, turning to leave. He walks a few feet away and then stops, turning back to look at us.

"Be careful," he says, the concern in his eyes betraying the composed expression he tries to adopt.

We find ourselves back at the abandoned shack.

Our abandoned shack, I think, smiling sadly. This little home has become our safe haven, our space, where we come to find our moments alone together.

Peeta pulls me to the bed and we crawl on top of it together. I curl up against his side, resting my head against his chest as he leans back against the headboard of the bed.

"So...what now?" I finally say after some time.

We haven't talked about the new information Haymitch revealed to us yet and I'm curious to hear his thoughts.

He grabs my hand, trailing his thumb over my knuckles as he takes a deep breath before he begins.

"I don't know..." he says. "It definitely makes me think of everything differently now. I thought the competition was a good thing. It made me glad I was helping kids from around the district train and prepare in the hopes of maybe winning and coming away with that food and money," he shakes his head sadly, "but I guess some kids never had a chance to begin with."

Suddenly, I'm reminded of a fleeting thought I had a little while back.

"Peeta, why did you sign up to be our trainer?" I ask. "I mean I know you're good at this stuff, and to help kids win obviously, but at the Opening Ceremony Effie Trinket said you would be given the opportunity to choose your future career as a reward."

"Oh that," Peeta replies and I can't help noticing the slight flush that creeps up his neck as he looks away, "I um...well I decorate the cakes at the bakery and I don't know...I've always really liked painting and I'm pretty good at it. I wanted to hold drawing classes for people in Town or maybe even at the school."

He shrugs and looks away, trying to play it off like it's no big deal. "It's whatever, it's not exactly a lucrative career. I'm sure the Capitol won't even approve of it anyway. I just figured my chances would be better if I signed up as trainer for this thing."

I let the information sink in, reveling in the fact that Peeta has this whole other passion I knew nothing about. It makes sense. I knew there was a lot more to him than just wrestling and training.

I imagine Peeta staying up late at night and drawing in a sketchbook. I imagine how this is the one and only thing that really calls to him, that lets him express the innermost workings of his mind and soul.

Who is the Capitol to tell him whether he can or can not be allowed to do this for the rest of his life? The thought makes me furious at the injustice of it all, the control over our lives, the way they manipulate us.

"That's amazing," I tell him, reaching out and tipping his chin so he looks at me. I want to make sure he sees the sincerity behind my words, that I don't think it's dumb or silly that he wants to do that with his life. "If that's what you want to do you should do it," I tell him firmly.

He gives me a small smile and then leans in to kiss me gently.

"So what are you going to do?" He asks and I know he's referring to the competition again.

I shrug, not entirely sure. I know now that it's rigged and unfair, but what exactly am I suppose to do? If I win, I win and Prim will benefit from that reward of money and food. I don't exactly want to just drop out now with that still a real possibility. Especially since I have a more than good shot at actually succeeding apparently.

"I guess I'm going to have to finish what I started," I reply, even as the feelings of dread and unease creep into my subconscious now that I know what kind of game the Capitol is playing.

Maybe it won't be so bad. As long as I don't do anything to upset the Capitol like Haymitch did I'll be fine. There won't be any reason for them to ever take back the food and money from Prim and my mother. Even if it means I knowingly played along with their unjust programs and reaped the benefits while others were unfairly tossed to the side and forced to continue living in poverty. I'll push away the guilt with reminders that Prim will never go hungry again.

And that seems like a good plan, a great plan even. I'm ready to go along with it, hoping to finish this competition and be free from the clutches of the Capitol forever.

But all those hopes go out the window when, at the final part of the competition the next day, I show up only to discover that somehow Effie Trinket has gotten wind of Peeta and I's relationship.


	10. Chapter 10

Everything happens so fast.

When we get to the multi-purpose room the next day before the start of the competition I barely have a chance to glance around the room at the survival skills setup before Effie is pulling both Peeta and I to the Capitol's table.

Confused, I stare at the woman in charge of running our district's programs, watching the words coming out of her mouth, but not really comprehending what she is saying.

Finally, I'm broken from my stupor when I hear her ask a question and then look between us excitedly, waiting with bated breath for our answer.

"So, was it love at first sight?"

"Umm...what?" I manage to get out.

I look at the woman standing in front of me, dressed in a ridiculous pink jumpsuit and a matching wig. Already I can see it happening. She is enthralled by our romance. The idea that, through the Capitol's program we found one another and are now in a dizzyingly, passionate love affair.

"Something like that," Peeta answers evenly, grabbing my hand.

I can tell from the look in his eyes that he realizes what is going on as well. That the exact thing Haymitch warned us about is unfolding.

"Well, I think it is just so wonderful!" Effie says, clasping her hands together with a smile. "I mean, what better example of the importance and benefit of the Capitol's programs in the Districts. Our audience back in the Capitol will just love it! The idea that you two, coming from different worlds, a poor girl from the Seam, a handsome merchant's son, fell in love during the training sessions leading up to the competition."

Effie smiles so wide at us she almost looks insane. She then goes on talking about how she'll want to introduce us to the crowd today and if we could maybe hold hands and kiss a lot that would be especially great.

I stop listening to her though because my mind is too preoccupied with other things. Suddenly, I'm worried about what this means. If I were to somehow win the competition, or even if I don't, the Capitol knowing about Peeta and I means that when this is all over, my relationship with the Capitol might not be.

I hear Haymitch's words ringing clearly in my head. Once they get their claws in you, once the Capitol decides they want to use you for any reason, you don't really have a choice.

I feel sick and terrified at the thought of what I have with Peeta - the intimacy, passion, and love - being exploited by these people. Peeta, the only person in my life who has ever made me feel important, desirable, worthy of affection, is too special to be treated like a piece of entertainment for the benefit of the Capitol.

I'm overwhelmed by everything I'm feeling, the fear, anger and disbelief, over this latest development. One thought however, suddenly becomes too strong to ignore and I'm consumed by it, rattling around in my head. How on earth did Effie find out about us?

I contemplate the thought for a moment, and no sooner then when I start to feel genuinely perplexed by the question, do my eyes scan the crowded room over Effie's shoulder and I get my answer.

My eyes land on Madge Undersee, in one of her nicer dresses, standing off to the side of the stage where I once kissed Peeta in front of her, smiling smugly as she watches Effie continue to talk our ears off.

I barely mumble an 'excuse me' before I'm pushing past Effie and heading straight towards the Mayor's daughter. I hear Peeta apologize quickly to Effie before following me.

Madge looks so genuinely pleased with herself as I approach her my temper snaps and I can't control my anger.

"I'm sorry, did you not want Effie Trinket finding out about you guys? I must have accidentally let it slip..." she says, faking sincerity.

When I reach her I do something I should have done a long time ago. Something that I've been holding back for a while.

I raise my hand and slap her hard across the face, feeling my palm sting from where it made contact with her skin.

She immediately grabs her cheek, looking at me in shock and horror as she processes what just happened.

"You're lucky that's all I'm going to do," I snarl at her and I can actually see the fear in her eyes. "If you ever come near Peeta and I again, or if I find out you're talking about us, I'll put my new combat skills to use and really teach you a lesson."

She actually recoils a little bit, looking at me like I'm a monster. I don't regret it though. In fact, I feel glad to finally have confronted her for all of the awful things she's done to me.

Finally, Peeta grabs my hand, interrupting my thoughts. "Come on, Katniss," he urges, pulling me away.

"Sorry," I mumble not meeting his eyes when we move far away enough from Madge. I'm not sorry about what I did, but I hope I didn't embarrass him.

"Don't be," he laughs, taking my hands in his, "that was hot," he adds, smiling when he sees my look of surprise.

After a moment, he pulls me into his arms and just holds me, saying more in that embrace than he ever could with words. Finally, he pulls away, but keeps his lips close to mine.

"Don't worry about Effie or anything else right now," he tells me in a hushed voice. "Just get through today and we'll worry about what comes after later."

"Okay," I agree, leaning in to give him a quick kiss.

"Okay," he smiles before we break away.

The second half of the competition is a joke.

It's a joke for two reasons. The first is because I so clearly and easily have every competitor beat when it comes to survival skills. The second is because it quickly dissolves from, a competition where our abilities are evaluated and judged, to a mockery of Effie's apparent obsession with Peeta and I.

At first, I just try and ignore her and move from station to station, doing everything the judges ask of me.

The first station involves being able to identify edible plants and insects, sorting out poisonous ones from those that are safe to consume. Luckily, they don't make us actually eat the things because if that were the case almost every boy in my group would be dead. I pass with flying colors, thanking the mental images I have locked away from my father's additions to our family book.

In the middle of my turn to separate the poisonous items from the edible ones, Effie Trinket saunters over, actually leaving the Capitol table to get involved in the action. She watches me excitedly and when the first judge declares I have gotten them all right she jumps up and down and claps happily. Then she proceeds to ask me if Peeta helped me study for this particular skill.

I pretend I don't hear her and we move on to the next station.

We're each given a flint, steel, and charred cloth and are asked to get a fire going. Some of the boys look at the objects in their hands like they're from another planet.

When I get to work trying to produce a spark I see they have all copied my exact motions and now it's just a race to who gets lucky enough to make fire.

Effie unfortunately has followed our group to this station and she shouts encouragements at me the entire time. I roll my eyes. This woman could not be any more clueless. She also has no common sense. As a Capitol official she should be at least trying to show some restraint. It's not exactly appropriate for her to so clearly be rooting for one of the competitors in what is suppose to be a completely unbiased competition.

I sigh as I remember our conversation with Haymitch. Apparently Effie isn't too worried about what people might think. Or maybe she really does have no idea how the winner is determined.

Her words of encouragement as I'm trying to start my fire annoy me.

When she starts shouting for Peeta to come over and watch, I'm infuriated.

My anger, however, turns out to produce enough friction for a flicker of a flame that burns steadily for a few moments or so before dying out. After a while, since no one seems to be even getting close, they move us along to the next station and I'm still the clear favorite.

Peeta reluctantly appears at the last and final station, tired of Effie's incessant calls.

He shakes his head and looks as annoyed as I do.

They ask us to use the knives, ropes and branches to create any sort of trap for predators or animals. The irony of these skills being completely useless to all of these boys from the Town, who have never had the need or audacity to go beyond the District's borders and into the woods, only just now hits me. I wonder why they possibly would have chosen something like this for us to compete against one another and be judged on.

Again, I'm so clearly ahead of the group it's almost comical. I set to work sharpening a branch and using the rope to replicate one of Gale's perfect snares. Some of the other boys are attempting to fasten a knot that traps a predator and leaves them hanging from a tree, but it just looks like a giant knot of ropes so far.

I'm just about finished when Effie decides she hasn't been annoying enough for the day.

"This way, this way," she gestures a man carrying an odd, black contraption that I slowly recognize as a camera.

"Now Peeta, darling," she says, bringing Peeta over to where I stand, setting up the snare. "If you could maybe stand beside Katniss, look like you're helping her...maybe put an arm around her, that'd be fantastic."

"What? Why?" I protest.

"Because you two are going to be the faces of my new plan to flaunt the success of the Capitol's programs," she explains, trying her best not to looked annoyed that I would have the audacity to question her. "Who knows? If it goes well they might move me up to a better district," she adds as if she really doesn't know this might be considered rude or offensive.

She takes a few steps towards us and arranges Peeta's arms on my arm, positioning us in an unnatural, odd looking stance that she thinks looks good. The man with the camera takes 3 quick shots before we even have a chance to protest.

Effie puts her hand on her chin, appearing to be deep in thought.

"Yes, okay, I'll introduce you two after the results are announced," she finally decides. But then she leans in towards me and gives me a small wink. "Although, I think we both know who is going to come out on top."

She then turns on her heel and walks away, finally, heading back over to the Capitol table.

I turn to Peeta, my mouth hanging open in shock. He looks equally as disturbed and upset over these latest developments as I'm sure I do.

He can only shake his head, confirming what I fear, and yet know to be true in my mind.

That I was wrong in thinking I could just go along with the Capitol's unfair, controlling programs and hope to come away only reaping the rewards. That the Capitol has now demonstrated it's control over my life and they're going to manipulate my relationship with Peeta for all it's worth.

Even though I know it's coming, the nerves I'm feeling won't go away.

"This year's winner of the District 12 Capitol Competition: Katniss Everdeen!"

I struggle to maintain my composure, nervously touching my braid and smoothing out my shirt, and then make my way on stage. The lights are blinding and the cheers from the audience are thunderous. I force a weak smile.

It's funny. I thought if I found myself here at the end of this, named the winner and ready to be rewarded with food and money that will provide for Prim in the years to come, I would be ecstatic, relieved and triumphant.

However, I feel none of those things at the moment.

I feel sick knowing this is just the beginning. I try and avoid the eyes of my fellow competitors, most who are looking up at me on the stage in anger and disbelief. I especially make sure not to look at the boy, Ren, who I tied with during hand to hand combat. He never stood a chance in this thing because the Capitol decided it wouldn't be interesting enough.

I only now realize that Effie just asked me a question and the entire room is waiting eagerly for my response.

"I'm sorry, what?" I ask.

She laughs and the crowd joins in with a good natured chuckle.

"I said, what does it feel like to have beaten out all these boys?"

"Um...good," I mumble, dropping my gaze to the floor.

Like I needed to give them all another reason to hate me.

I catch Effie's exasperated sigh and slight roll of her eyes, clearly not too pleased with my lack of charm or personality.

She turns to the crowd. "Well, next I would like to bring out the young man who was so integral in your success, the student leader in charge of training all of our competitors leading up to this competition, Peeta Mellark!"

Peeta makes his way on stage, waving once to the crowd and coming to stand beside me. He shoots me a small, reassuring smile, reminding me that despite everything, I am not alone in this.

"Now don't be shy Peeta, feel free to kiss your girl!" Effie encourages, back to smiling like a maniac at the idea of us together.

Peeta shuffles awkwardly on his feet and I know he feels as uncomfortable with this as I do. Our relationship was never meant for the public's entertainment, I hate the thought of so many people knowing about what we have.

Eventually he slides his arm around my waist and pulls me into his side.

Effie sighs dramatically. "Aren't they wonderful together?" She asks the crowd. "A poor girl from the Seam and a boy from Town finding love with the Capitol's help." She gets weepy and takes a moment to recover. "Let's give them a round of applause."

It's only then I notice the crowd's expressions of surprise. People are quietly murmuring to themselves and others around them, they clap slowly and softly at first, but then eventually give us a full round of applause.

It's obvious the idea of Peeta and I together, Seam and Town, is shocking and even a little hard to accept for most of the people of District 12. They, however, seem to shrug it off after a moment and accept it, not really thinking twice about it, except maybe for why Effie is showing us off like her prized possessions.

I have to laugh at myself now. All that time I was so worried about what people in the district would think about Peeta and I being together. Madge calling me a slut, Karrick and the attack, but those incidents seem trivial now in comparison to what I can only imagine lies ahead. The people of 12 might be surprised and even a little disconcerted by us being together, but people from the Capitol are clearly infatuated with the idea.

It's the perfect, extravagant kind of thing the Capitol usually eats up. Two kids from different worlds, being together despite what everyone else thinks.

"In honor of Ms. Everdeen's victory, and to celebrate these young lovers who have found each other despite all odds, there will a dinner and rally tonight in the town square after sunset," Effie explains. "All citizens are welcome!"

For the first time I don't feel quite as awful about winning. At least the District will get a good meal for once.

The crowd cheers and Effie leads us off stage.

"Now you two come with me," she starts, "we want you both dressed for the occasion."

Effie escorts us to the Justice Building and up a few flights of stairs until we are both ushered into separate rooms. I wonder how they had the foresight to have all this ready for the victor, especially the tools the prep team brings out - waxing strips, makeup, curling irons - which seem a little odd given this was a competition mainly involving boys.

Then I remember that my victory was probably decided a while ago and I feel my insides twist uncomfortably.

The trio of odd Capitol assistants that have been assigned to get me ready for this appearance all talk loudly and animatedly, complaining about my body hair and how I bite my nails. After a few hours of pain, trying to sit still, and smiling and nodding at my prep team, I'm finally left alone, naked except for a light robe.

They told me to wait for the stylist that will bring me my dress, but I'm too anxious to stay seated any longer. I get up and wander around the room, velvet covered pieces of furniture, mirrors and paintings hanging from the walls, and a few windows that overlook the town square.

I think about how this is probably one of the nicest places in all of District 12. It only makes me feel uncomfortable though. Since I've been named the winner, since I discovered Effie found out about Peeta and I really, I've had this fear in the pit of my stomach I can't seem to shake. I back away from the windows, realizing I don't want anyone to see me, especially dressed in nothing but this thin robe.

I wander over to the side of the room noticing for the first time an outline of a door blended in with the wall. I hesitantly grab the knob and twist, surprised to find it unlocked.

When I pull the door back I'm greeted with quite the sight.

Peeta stands in front of me, wearing nothing but his boxer shorts.

His eyes go wide when he sees me. "Katniss..." he breathes out and we don't hesitate to go straight into each other's arms.

I wrap my arms around his neck and his arms snake around my waist. I bury my head in the crook of his neck, finally feeling a little tension leave my chest. I remind myself that through whatever comes next, at least I'll have Peeta by my side.

Finally he pulls back, his arms still wrapped around me.

"You okay?" He asks quietly.

I shrug, not really sure how to respond. "I guess...I'm just nervous. I mean...you remember what Haymitch said. And I can already see it happening, the way Effie acts around us..."

Peeta sighs, rubbing the curve of my hips where his hands rest. "I know, I know...let's just try and get through tonight and see where we go from here. I don't know what else they could do though. I mean you won, that's it. It's over now."

I nod my head in response, still feeling a little unsure, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in the back of my mind that is telling me it's not over yet by a long shot.

I lean in and kiss him softly and only then realize what little clothing stands in the way of us being completely naked together. His boxers are thin and my robe is tied loosely around my waist.

He seems to figure this out at the same moment I do because his hands move down to cup my behind, squeezing gently. I moan a little and then break away from our kiss, smiling sheepishly. "Not here," I tell him, but my grin makes it pretty unconvincing.

Just then, a door on the other side of his room bursts open and a dark skin woman with yellow hair comes in holding a black suit with red flame details. Effie Trinket follows close behind her.

Peeta and I immediately spring away from one another like guilty children.

I chastise myself, realizing this is the absolute last thing we needed.

"Oh, look at these two, they can barely keep their hands off each other!" Effie squeals with delight and I can only roll my eyes.

"Now get back in your room Katniss, your stylist will be there any moment with your dress. You two will see each other later tonight," Effie commands.

Peeta shoots me an apologetic look and I just shrug, making my way back to my adjoining room through the door I came in from, and closing it behind me.

Just as I do, a man enters my room holding a red dress with orange and yellow accents sewn into the fabric. "Katniss...this is for you," he smiles, holding it out to me.

"Um...thanks," I reply, taking the dress from his hands.

"I'm Cinna," he introduces himself. "Here, let me help you."

He helps me get into the dress and then offers me the heels I'm suppose to wear. I then stumble over to the mirror with his help and we take in my appearance.

"Little nervous?" He questions, noticing my expression.

"A little," I admit.

"Don't worry, just smile and wave a lot. You'll be great."

I can only hope it's that easy.

As the sun sets they bring Peeta and I down to the main floor of the Justice Building, keeping us off the side and preparing us for our grand entrance.

I catch sight of Haymitch staggering towards us, clearly drunker than usual.

"What the hell happened? I told you to keep it a secret, didn't I?" He asks, his breath reeking of alcohol.

Peeta puts a protective arm around my waist and answers for both of us. "Someone told Effie."

"Yeah, I can see that," Haymitch returns. "That woman is going to turn this into a circus. Good luck."

He turns, like he's about to walk away and I instinctually reach out and grab his arm to stop him. He looks at me strangely and I know how helpless and lost I look. He softens.

"Haymitch...what are we going to do?" I whisper.

He pauses for a long moment and then can only shrug in response. "Get through it," he finally replies.

The answer does nothing to calm my nerves.

I can hear the crowd that has already gathered outside in the square. Effie starts making preparations, informing us the order that we'll be introduced and where to go when we get outside.

Everything goes by very fast. When we get outside there are pretty lights hung up around the stores that border the town square. There are tables set up among the crowd where Peacekeepers hand out pre-packaged meals to the long list of residents that just want food but have to pretend to be enthralled by our romance. Peeta, Haymitch, and I, along with all the other Capitol and District officials, are seated along one long table on the stage in front of the Justice Building.

Effie makes a speech and the fact I won the Capitol Competition becomes secondary to the fact I've managed to find love. She makes Peeta and I stand and the crowd cheers less than enthusiastically, still unsure why they're expected to care about our relationship. Luckily we're allowed to eat in peace and not much else happens the rest of the night as soft music starts playing from the outside speakers.

Effie insists we dance in the spotlight, and the only good thing is that as the song ends we're able to melt into the crowd and have a few moments of peace from that wretched woman.

I'm holding Peeta's hand tightly, determined not to let go as a small pair of arms wrap around my middle and a tiny body slams into my side.

"You won! You won!" Prim shouts ecstatically.

I can't help but smile, laughing as I lean down and hug her, picking her up and swinging her around as she squeals in delight. Finally, I set her down and turn to see my mother, looking timid and unsure of herself.

"Congratulations, sweetheart," she says and we hug.

"I knew you could do it!" Prim declares, smiling so wide it makes my heart swell.

Suddenly, I've forgotten about Effie Trinket and the Capitol and all I can focus on is the beaming face of my little sister. Maybe it is worth it, I decide. Having to endure the public eye is surely worth the reward of knowing my little sister will be taken care of for the next several years.

"I'm glad I could prove you right then," I tell her, leaning down to plant a kiss on her forehead. "Go grab some food before they run out," I instruct her, "I'll be home later tonight."

She obliges and her and my mother go off together, disappearing through the crowd.

Peeta and I take our time navigating through the square, not in any hurry to get back to the stage. I see a familiar face approach and I squeeze Peeta's hand before letting go.

"Hey Catnip," Gale says, and we hug.

"I knew you could take those boys from Town," He smiles and then I notice the way his eyes flicker over my shoulder to Peeta.

"Thanks," I smile at him and then turn back to Peeta, gesturing for him to come stand by my side.

Gale sighs a little wearily and I know he's trying to decide whether or not to really trust Peeta. Well, maybe not whether to trust him, but if he even really likes him all that much.

"Hey man," Peeta speaks first, holding out his hand to shake with Gale.

After a moment, Gale relents and shakes Peeta's outstretched hand.

"So you two seem pretty popular," Gale muses, raising his eyebrows at me.

I roll my eyes at him. "Don't get me started," I huff.

"If you aren't careful you'll end up like Effie Trinket," Gale starts, "wigs, makeup, bright pink clothes."

I gape at him, narrowing my eyes in annoyance.

"Don't worry," Peeta speaks up, "I won't let that happen.

He slips an arm around my waist and pulls me against his side. I look over to see he is staring down at me, a smile tugging on his lips. He presses a kiss to my forward.

When I turn back to Gale I can see he is eyeing Peeta carefully, surveying him.

Finally, Gale takes a step forward, placing his arm on Peeta's shoulder and locking eyes with him.

"Take care of her, alright?"

"Alright," Peeta agrees and just like that Gale disappears into the crowd.

I have a funny feeling of changing tides. Like that in a way, I'll always remember this moment as when Peeta took over for Gale as the most important person in my world, my best friend in life.

And the thought, among the stress and worry that plagues me at the moment, calms me and makes me smile.

I know that this was how it was meant to be all along.

Effie finally gathers us back to the stage and when we start to make our way back inside the Justice Building I can't help let out a sigh of relief. This day is finally over I realize. I've gone along with their show and let them dress me and show me off and maybe they'll be happy with that.

Just as we get inside however, Effie turns to us, a wide smile on her face. She has that maniacal look I've come to recognize with her. I also know that nothing good usually follows that look. I grab Peeta's hand, preparing myself for the worst.

"I have fantastic news, you two!"

I grimace, waiting for the bomb to drop.

"I've just received word from the Capitol that they are doing things a little differently this year! They want to celebrate all of the Capitol Competition winners from the various districts this year by doing a sort of victory tour that will conclude in the Capitol with a special event in your honor!" Effie actually claps her hands together and and bounces on her feet as she says this.

"Obviously, as Katniss' trainer you'll be expected to come along as well, Peeta," Effie adds.

I open my mouth to respond, but before I can, Haymitch, who I hadn't even realized followed us back inside, speaks up.

"Well, of course the boy's coming!" He slurs, only slightly less drunk than he was earlier today. "You wouldn't want to miss the chance to show them off to the whole damn country. Parade them around like those freak shows you have in the Capitol."

I gape at Haymitch, surprised to hear him actually saying these things to Effie's face.

Effie narrows her eyes at him, looking at him like he is a very unpleasant pet.

"I don't expect you to understand young love," she says, turning her nose up at him.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's it," Haymitch laughs. "You just care about them so much! Definitely doesn't have anything to do with promoting the Capitol's agenda."

Effie starts to respond, hurling insults and getting worked up, but I stop her before things can escalate.

"Okay Effie, we'll go," I say tiredly, knowing it is a lost cause to try and argue otherwise.

"Great," she smiles, returning to her earlier state of cheerfulness.

"The train leaves tomorrow morning, so pack your bags!"

And I know, without understanding how or why, that after this train ride nothing will ever be the same.


	11. Chapter 11

14 days.

Two weeks.

That's how long they expect me to be away from home. Away from Prim and my mother and Gale. That's how long they expect me to be away from my district and my woods. The only reason I have managed to keep some form of my sanity in tact is because Peeta is by my side.

Peeta is a constant source of comfort and stability through the never ending, and constantly changing, ceremonies and celebrations. Every meeting with district officials and dinner held in town squares, every new dress and hair style, starts to bleed into one another until I can't tell the difference from one to the next.

We start in District 11 and make our way in descending order until we reach the Capitol. At every district, we are suppose to celebrate their own Capitol Competition winner while acknowledging the prior district's victors as well. Somehow though, Peeta and I are constantly being thrown to the forefront of everything. Effie seems to monopolize all of the other district officials and makes sure the spotlight is always on us. She gets annoyingly good at slipping in a mention of how we met and the 'love affair' we find ourselves in that "could only have been made possible thanks to the Capitol".

And to my horror, people seem to eat this up. They scream our praise and gush when we're forced to share a dance. Word must even spread around the country, because as we continue through the districts the crowds seem to get bigger and louder, screaming our praises before we're even introduced. Every other district victor and their student leader are merely a side attraction to Peeta and I. I can feel their eyes on me at every rally, seething with anger and disgust that we're stealing the spotlight from them.

Each district victor and their student leader join us on the train for the next stops. With two people joining us in every district things start to get a little crowded on the train and Effie doesn't hesitate to insist that Peeta and I should share a room.

The suggestion makes my face burn from embarrassment and anger. I hate how involved she is in our relationship, I hate anyone knowing anything about us, I hate all of this.

Soon it all starts to take a toll.

Even wrapped in Peeta's arms at night it becomes harder and harder to sleep.

The anxiety and stress over these public appearances, where I'm forced to parade around like a doll for everyone's amusement, becomes too much. I hate wearing these uncomfortable dresses and wearing so much makeup that when I touch my face half of it comes off. I hate that the one thing in my life that was private and special and comforting has now been exposed to the public.

The relationship I have with Peeta is meant to be shared in that abandoned shack at the end of the Seam or in a private cluster of trees out in the woods. It is meant to be kept away from the rest of the world and their prying eyes. It's just suppose to be the two of us. No one else. I fell in love with Peeta because of how he made me realize I could still take pleasure in this world, that there were still good things to enjoy. Having that stained by the interference of Effie and the Capitol just feels wrong.

I start getting bags under my eyes from stress and lack of sleep. Soon the idea of attending another dinner and celebration brings a kind of anxiety I've never felt before. I get shaky and nervous, short of breath and desperate to escape before we're introduced. Peeta does everything he can to comfort me, but I know the only solution is is to stop this endless publicity tour of my private life.

We're on our way to District 4 one night on the train when things get worse than I could have imagined.

We're sitting at dinner with some of the other victors and student leaders. Effie, as always, is monopolizing the conversation and talking about how splendid everything has been unfolding.

I am doing my best to tune her out as usual and force some of the rich Capitol food down, despite feeling nauseas all the time lately. I'm mid-bite when Effie makes a comment so casually, I almost choke on my food.

"Oh and Katniss! You will not believe this. I've been told by some high up officials that President Snow himself has requested a meeting with you when we get to the Capitol. He must have gotten wind of what a sensation you've been on this tour!"

My fork clatters to my plate and I have to take a long drink of water to dislodge the food that got stuck in my throat. I feel Peeta's eyes on me, trying to see how I'm processing this latest bit of news.

"President Snow said he wanted to talk to me?" I ask skeptically.

Effie nods her head enthusiastically. "He did! He must be very impressed with the only girl to win the Capitol Competition out of all the districts. I wouldn't be surprised if even he has found himself caught up with the 'love story from District 12' that has been sweeping the nation!" She grins, that same maniacal grin that I've come to know and loathe. I'm sure she thinks she's just delivered me the best possible news and I should be brimming with excitement.

The only emotion I'm feeling, however, is fear.

Why would President Snow want to see me? It makes no sense. He knows how the Capitol Programs work, he must know that I wasn't exactly named victor because I outperformed all the other competitors. I was essentially chosen to win the competition because the Capitol wanted it that way and now the President himself is requesting my company. It makes me start to worry that I've been a part of something sinister for longer than I realize, that I have been on the Capitol's eye for longer than I dare think about it.

Peeta reaches over and places his hand on top of mine, trying to give me a reassuring look.

I try and offer him a small smile, but when I see the concern in his own eyes it turns to more of a grimace.

Later that night Peeta and I are curled up on the bed in our compartment.

He is sitting up with his back against the headboard and I'm curled into his side, my head on his shoulder.

He has been trying to console me for the last hour or so. I've been alternating back and forth between crying and shaking from fear. There's not much more he can do or say, but he does his best, running a hand over my hair, whispering soothing words.

"I want to go home," I mumble into his chest after we've been silent for a long time.

"Me too," he sighs.

"I miss my sister. I miss the woods. I hate this. I hate being this...piece in their games."

Peeta chuckles and I look up at him confused.

"You know I was actually just thinking the same thing the other day. Dressing us up, parading us around, using us for their agenda...it's like what Haymitch warned us about. We're just pieces in this game they play to try and control the districts," he explains.

I cling to him a little tighter, saying an internal 'thank you' for about the thousandth time on this tour that he is by my side through all of this. That, even in this never ending nightmare, I still have him.

"I don't want any of this to change us," I blurt out before I can stop myself.

"What do you mean?" He questions quietly, interlacing our fingers together.

"I just...this is all really stressful and just...hard, but I don't want any of it to affect us...like you and me." I hesitate for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts. "I just...there's the Capitol and their games and then there's us...I don't ever want those to cross paths...I don't ever want them to mess things up for us."

Peeta puts a finger under my chin and tilts my head so I'm forced to look up at him.

"They won't," he says, his eyes a steely blue that take my breath away with their intensity. "They can't." He leans down and kisses me very gently. When he pulls away he whispers words that make my heart start to pound and my stomach fill with butterflies.

"I love you."

I have to fight off the bizarre desire to cry. I grab a fistful of his shirt and pull him back to me, deepening the kiss. I let my lips tell him how I feel the same way.

When we break apart I get up and move off the bed.

"Where are you going?" He asks, breathless.

I lock the door to our compartment and then turn around and smile at him very coyly.

I walk a little closer to the bed before I stop and reach behind me, unzipping the back of my dress. When I let it fall to the floor I take pleasure in the way Peeta's eyes get a little bigger at the sight of me in just my bra and underwear.

"Wh-what are you doing?" He asks, swallowing thickly.

In response, I bit down on my bottom lip and unclasp my bra, letting it fall to the floor as well.

I don't look at him this time, suddenly shy over being so exposed, even though he's seen me like this before. I can feel his eyes on me and just that thought alone is enough for the wetness to grow between my legs.

With the past week and a half being nothing but stress and anxiety over this tour, I suddenly have the urgent need to just lose myself for a little while. I want something to take my mind off of everything, off of how the Capitol is using us, off of how something that was once so intimate and sacred has become a big charade, off of the recent news of Snow's request to see me.

I know just what I need too. I know all I need is Peeta's touch to come undone, to help me relax, to remember that all is not lost.

I grab the waistband of my underwear and slowly tug it down my legs until it is around my knees. Then I use my foot to pull it down the rest of the way before kicking it off to the side.

When I look up I see Peeta is sitting up more fully in bed, his eyes glued to me. I make my way over to him, crawling across the bed and straddling his hips, my completely naked body covering his fully clothed one.

I take his face in both my hands, kissing him as passionately as I can. I moan as his tongue pushes into my mouth and his arms wrap around my waist, pulling me even closer to him. He breaks away and then starts kissing down my neck, reaching one hand up to massage my breast.

I groan in satisfaction, running my hands through his hair. I'm getting so wet and the friction of his pants against my bundle of nerves is electrifying. I grind my hips against him and he hisses in response.

I decide I need to touch him, make him feel good. I reach down between us and undo the button and fly of his pants. He lifts up just enough that between the pair of us we manage to tug his pants down past his hips. Already I can see the effect this is having on him through his boxers.

I release him from his underwear, freeing his erection. When I wrap my hand around him he leans his head back and whispers my name breathlessly.

I take this opportunity to lick and suck the flesh of his neck, making my mark.

I start to work my hand up and down his length. I move from the base of his shaft, up and over the tip, taking the moisture that has already leaked, and spreading it down to the rest of him. He grows in my hand and when I pull my lips away he takes a few moments to watch in fascination as I continue to work to get him harder.

When it seems like he can't possibly get any bigger he suddenly puts his hands on my hips and flips me over to the other side of the bed so that I'm lying on my back. He grins cheekily and then quickly removes his shirt before properly ridding himself of the rest of his clothes.

When he returns to me he is much more serious. His eyes search my face, looking for any sign of doubt about what we're about to do, but I know he won't find any. I have never been more certain about something in my life.

To prove this I reach down between us and take him in my hand. I position himself at my opening, closing my eyes at the feel of his tip grazing my wetness. There is an ache in my lower belly that is burning to be fulfilled. I know only him being buried deep inside me will accomplish this.

I start to guide him inside me until he takes over, my hand falling away as he pushes his length more fully in. He leans down and kisses me and then flexes his hips until he completely sheathes himself into my core. I make a small, strangled cry, reacting to the feel of being stretched so fully and the sudden sharp pain of him breaking whatever innocence I had left.

I am breathing heavily, desperately trying to adjust to the feel of him. He hovers over me, his arms trembling, his entire being quivering with the effort to stay still and not to just start thrusting into me at a furious pace like I'm sure he wants to. Instead he just leans down and kisses my lips and cheeks and neck, whispering that it's okay and that he loves me.

After a few moments the pain starts to give way to a more pleasurable ache, my entire being tingling from the feel of us being joined in this way. I buck my hips towards him, encouraging him to move. When he pulls almost all the way out and then drives himself into me again I cry out, overwhelmed by the completely new, completely exhilarating sensation. The pleasure builds as he starts to go faster and soon his hips are moving in quick, desperate motions that almost seem out of his control.

"Katniss...I can't..." he apologizes.

"It's okay...I want you to," I reply immediately and the words have just left my lips when he pushes into me one final time. He stills, his entire body tensing, and I feel him throbbing inside me.

He collapses against me, dead weight on my chest as I run my hands through his hair, clinging to him, clinging to the memory of our first time.

I'm broken from my peaceful moment, however, when he suddenly pulls back, looking at me in horror. "Oh my god...we didn't use anything..."

I smile at him gently, pushing his hair away from his face. "It's okay...my mother makes me take something..."

He looks at me curiously and I clarify.

"I think she thought there was something going on between me and Gale for a while," I shrug.

He only nods in response and then rolls off of me. We both try and catch our breaths, lying side by side, holding hands. After a while he props himself up on one arm and looks at me sheepishly.

"If you want to try again...I think I can make you..." he trails off and I have to bite my lip to keep myself from smiling at the thought he could possibly be shy or embarrassed about anything after what we just shared.

"Of course I want to do that with you again," I say, leaning over to kiss him. "I want to do that with you for the rest of my life." The words leave me so easily, probably because it's so true and we just made love and all my defenses are down. It takes me a moment to realize what I actually said though and I immediately want to hide, to take them back, to explain that I was only joking.

Peeta, however, doesn't seem to even think twice about the mention of the rest of our lives. He only moves over me more fully and kisses me deeply.

"I love you," he says, rubbing his growing length against my folds, he hits that spot at the apex of my legs and I hiss at the jolt of pleasure it sends to the rest of my body.

This time when he pushes inside me I'm more at ease with the sensation and there is only pleasure at the beginning. His thrusts are more controlled, even and measured this time. I look up into his eyes to see him studying me carefully. I can only groan and whimper, breathless indications of my satisfaction.

He starts to push inside me a little harder and then a little faster, causing everything inside me to tighten like a spring ready to be uncoiled.

"Peeta!" I cry, gripping onto his arm. I feel like I'm going to split in two from the power of his hips, breaking me in the most perfect way. Everything is building, my muscles tensing, the ache between my legs reaching it's peak.

He reaches down and rubs that bundle of nerves and I come undone.

I can't even hear the sound of my own voice screaming his name.

I have an outer body experience, momentarily losing consciousness as wave after wave of sweet, tingly release rolls through me.

The next thing I'm aware of is being pulled against his chest, a kiss being planted on my forehead, and my body drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

We get to the Capitol the day before the 'special event' that will be held in honor of all the district winners of the Capitol Competition.

Tonight there is a dinner and dance for only important Capitol officials that we're expected to attend.

After sitting through hours of hair and make-up I am finally deemed presentable for public viewing. Cinna, who has grown on me during this tour, mainly because he seems to understand how much I despise every moment of it, helps me into my dress.

It seems he has saved his best work for last.

I look into the mirror at the girl I do not recognize. She is hardly a girl anymore. My make-up is a little more dramatic and my dress clings to every curve of my still slender frame.

"Think Peeta will like this one?" Cinna asks over my shoulder, with an amused smirk.

I can't help but blush and look down.

"I definitely don't hate it."

I turn at the sound of Peeta's voice who stands at the doorway of my dressing room. He smiles and comes into the room. "I got to tell you Cinna, you've done a pretty good job on this tour. Of course, it's easy when you have such a beautiful canvas to work with."

I roll my eyes, but can't stop the rush of delighted satisfaction his words give me.

Cinna just laughs and pats Peeta on the back.

"I'll give you guys a moment alone together before the madness ensues." He steps out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

"You don't look so bad yourself," I observe, admiring the way Peeta looks in his tux. It's tailored perfectly to his body, highlighting his muscles and tall frame.

He smiles and reaches out to hold my hands.

"How are you doing?" He asks quietly.

I shrug, focusing on the way he interlaces our fingers together. "Glad this is almost over," I whisper. And yet, as I speak the words out loud I can't help the feeling of dread that creeps up on me. A tiny voice in the back of my mind keeps terrorizing me, keeps reminding me that the end of this tour doesn't necessarily mean the end of the Capitol interfering in our lives. We can still turn out like Haymitch, forever haunted by the presence and control of the overpowering government in our lives.

"Me too," Peeta returns and I step forward and move into his arms.

We just hold each other for a long time until Effie comes and knocks on the door and tells us it's time to go.

They line every competition winner and their student leader up in order of districts at the entrance to the ballroom. I inspect the line, noticing how every pair before us makes an odd combination. In most of the districts it's boy-boy, the winner of the competition and then an older boy that served as his trainer. Out of all 12 districts I'm the only girl as victor, but there are two other girls that served as student leader. From 1, a tall, muscular girl with dark hair and from 7, a girl with short, brown hair.

Every pair from districts 1 through 11 before us looks awkward and uncomfortable standing beside one another in evening wear. The districts with two boys make sure to put a good amount of space between themselves.

I look over at Peeta, noticing the way my hand is grasping his curled arm he has offered me. I don't want to pull away, but I know this is just another way Effie has designed to make sure we stand out to the crowd. The 'love story from District 12' is about to be jammed down the throats of the people from the Capitol and I have a suspicion they're going to eat it up even more than the people from the districts did.

"Okay, bright smiles you two!" Effie commands, walking by us just as the doors to the ballroom open and the procession begins. The pairs before us enter the room to thunderous applause from the crowd.

We inch closer to making our debut as the line moves forward.

I shoot Peeta a nervous glance, clinging to his arm a little tighter.

"Ready?" He asks, eyebrows raised.

I can only nod my head in response, to nervous to formulate words.

When we enter the crowd goes nuts. That's the only way to describe it. I thought they were clapping pretty loudly for everyone else, but apparently they were holding back. People are screaming, clapping, calling our names. I can only nod and smile and wave, holding onto Peeta for dear life.

We walk around the dance floor and to the front of the room, taking the last two seats at the 30 foot long table where all the others have already taken their seats.

My eyes flick to the center of the table near the podium and I get my first in person glimpse of the man I've only seen on television screens before. President Snow has white hair and a white beard that covers most of his face. The only visible feature I can make out, in fact, is the snake like quality of his eyes...and how they seem to be trained directly on me.

I look away, unable to hold his gaze much longer. I feel like if I keep looking at him he'll attack and I don't need to entertain those kind of thoughts before our little meeting later.

Peeta holds out my chair for me and I hear squeals of delight from the crowd.

When he sits down beside me I immediately reach under the table and grasp his hand tightly, needing the comfort and reassurance of his touch.

The evening starts with a speech from President Snow who congratulates and praises the victors from every district and commends the student leaders for their aid in the competition.

I avoid his eyes, keeping my gaze trained on the crowd in front of us.

When he mentions the 'love story that has captivated the nation' I whip my head in his direction and manage a smile that I'm sure looks more forced than anything.

"A shinning example of how the Capitol Programs provide hope and opportunity for the districts," He smiles in our direction.

He says the words so sweetly, but I can see something dangerous behind those snake like eyes of his.

After the speech we're served a 5 course meal that makes my stomach start to rumble from the richness of the food. As the plates are being taken away Effie appears at the podium and insists that Peeta and I have the first dance. The crowd applauds their approval of the idea.

Peeta stands and takes my hand, leading me out into the center of the room where I can feel hundreds of eyes on me.

I wrap an arm around Peeta's neck as his own finds it way around my waist, bringing me closer to him. He takes my other hand in his and holds it against his chest, right above his heart. I rest my head in the crook of his neck and take a deep breath.

It's amazing, really. That in the middle of all this chaos, in the middle of all these bizarre people from the Capitol obsessing over us and the disconcerting presence of President Snow, I need only to feel the warmth of his body against mine to feel a little more at ease. The way his hands grip my waist possessively, the way he strokes the pad of his thumb against my palm. It makes everything else fade into the background a little. Not entirely, it doesn't make me forget about our current situation, it just helps me remember how much his presence in my life makes everything better.

The song comes to an end and as I lift my head up to look at him he gives me such a sweet, warm smile. I can't help it when I press my lips softly against his, momentarily forgetting, or just not caring really, that so many people are watching us right now.

When we break apart the entire room erupts into a cheer and I blush and look away, being brought back to my current reality. After a moment though, everyone begins to crowd the dance floor.

I am just about to drag Peeta away, maybe find a quiet place where we can be alone, when the ice cold feel of slimy, wrinkled fingers touches my shoulder.

I jump at the sensation and turn to see the cause. President Snow stands beside me, having appeared completely unnoticed, a look of mild amusement in his eyes.

"Ms. Everdeen, I hope Ms. Trinket informed you that I wish to have a word with you privately," he says, his eyes trained on me, full of something I can't decipher - Anger? Impatience? Annoyance?

"Oh, um yes..." I stutter.

"I hope you don't mind me stealing her away from you for just a few moments, Mr. Mellark," He adds good-naturedly, turning to Peeta.

"Not at all, Sir," Peeta returns without missing a beat. "I just hope you won't be too long. I'll feel a little lost without her by my side."

"She'll be back in your arms before the band stops playing," the President assures him, offering him what I think is supposed to be a smile, although it looks weird and twisted.

I shoot Peeta a nervous glance who mouths 'it's okay' to me before I turn to follow the President. He leads me out the side door of the ballroom that I hadn't even noticed before. We make our way up a long spiral staircase and then down a long complicated maze of hallways, turning left then right, then left and left again and then, finally, right.

He never acknowledges me, just walks two steps ahead of me so I'm facing his back the entire time. Finally, we reach a set of double doors that are huge and made from a rich oak wood. He opens the door and then gestures for me to go ahead.

I step inside the room and look around. Bookshelves that reach the ceiling line the walls, filled with old, dusty books that don't seem to be used much. A small couch next to a silver tray and stand that holds a couple of glasses and a bottle of dark liquor sit against the wall. At the far end of the room a huge desk, at least eight feet long and almost as wide sits with just a few random objects placed on top of it.

In front of the desk, two plush white cushioned chairs sit facing it.

"Have a seat Ms. Everdeen," the President speaks and it doesn't seem like an invitation, it seems like a command.

I move to the chairs and sit down.

He takes his time coming around the large desk, taking a seat in his high back chair, resting his hands on the arm rests. For a long moment he is completely silent, looking across the desk at me. I have to work to maintain eye contact, not wanting to seem weak or afraid.

"I must say Ms. Everdeen, all of the Capitol judges and officials were quite impressed by your exceptional skills during the competition. Your ability to create snares, start a fire, shoot a bow..."

I swallow nervously, but don't say anything in response.

"A natural hunter it seems."

I feel a shiver run through me at his words. I suddenly have the feeling of a child being found out.

"We're very glad it worked out that way, you see. The competition this year, a test of strength and survival skills, would naturally draw two types of youth. The ones who feel they have something to prove, but are completely inept. And then the ones like you Ms. Everdeen. The ones who already know they have an aptitude for those kinds of skills."

I open my mouth, but then close it again quickly, realizing I have nothing to say.

"And you do have a skill for those things, don't you Katniss?" the President asks, using my name for the first time and making me cringe.

"All those years out in the woods have taught you a great deal."

My eyes widen at the thought. He knows. How long has he known? How much trouble am I in?

"You see, for years we've been letting the hunting that takes place in the woods beyond the fence in District 12 slide. As an outlying district, we never cared too much or thought the time and effort it would require to prevent it was worth it," Snow explains, talking so casually he could be discussing the weather.

"Lately, however, I've come to realize that this is just simply unacceptable. If one district were to slip away from us, what's to stop the rest of them? It just doesn't cast the Capitol in a very favorable light to have some of our citizens so blatantly undermining us. Our power is a very important thing, Katniss. We are what keeps this nation together."

"I'm sorry!" I blurt out suddenly. "I'm sorry, I won't do it anymore, please!" I realize I'm shaking.

"Yes, well I'm glad you can understand where we're coming from," the President nods. "As you know, we could make life very difficult if you choose to defy us on this issue."

"Please..." I whimper. I realize every bit of the terrified, 16 year old girl I am in this little exchange is on display, begging for mercy and forgiveness.

The idea that I'll be trapped inside the fence of District 12 forever terrifies me. The thought that I'll never be able to roam free in the woods again is nauseating. In this moment, however, my fear overtakes all of that. Those snake like eyes burn through me and all I want to do is get out of here unharmed.

"It's a funny thing, you know. We set out this year planning the Capitol Program with the idea of hopefully getting a chance to reign in the rebels, the troublemakers such as yourself, so to speak." The President sighs, turns in his chairs and stands, moving over to a window at the side of the room. He stands quietly for a while, just gazing out at the view.

"But then something unexpected happened. It seems Effie Trinket finally managed to get something useful out of District 12 after all." He turns and comes back towards the desk, this time walking to the front and leaning against the edge so we're barely a few feet apart.

"It seems you and Mr. Mellark are quite the sensation. I didn't believe it at first, but the people want what they want." He leans towards me just a bit, the overwhelming smell of blood and roses infiltrate my senses. I have to work not to gag.

"I pride myself in being an intelligent man, Ms. Everdeen. I know the importance of the Capitol's power and I also know that it can be a very fragile thing." He examines me carefully for a moment, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Having something to root for, giving people hope...it's a much more effective tactic than ruling with an iron fist, much more powerful than fear."

I shake my head, completely confused. I have no idea where he's going with this. "What are you saying?" I ask.

"The love story between you two is wonderful for the country's morale. A love story like yours promotes the Capitol Programs." He's silent for a moment studying me. "But what could make it even better? What would give everyone in Panem cause for celebration?"

I look at him blankly, wondering if he could possibly be talking about what I think he's talking about.

No.

There's no way.

"If you two were to give the nation what it wants...a happily ever after for an adored couple...then we could maybe continue to look the other way when it comes to your indiscretions beyond the district fence."

"So you want...you want..." I can barely get the words out.

"You know there's nothing the Capitol enjoys more than a big event...and what's bigger than a wedding?"

My stomach drops to the floor. I sink back in my chair, feeling as if the wind has been knocked out of me. I can't form words, I can barely sort out my thoughts. He must noticed my dazed expression because he harshly snaps me back to reality.

"Of course, marrying the boy won't be a problem, correct? I mean...it is genuine on your part, yes?"

My confusion quickly turns to anger. "Of course, it's real!" I practically growl at him, wondering in the back of my mind how I ever worked up enough nerve to talk to the President of the country like this.

"Good. I thought so, but I just wanted to confirm. Then there should be no problems."

"I'm only sixteen!"I squeak out, wondering how he can act like this is no big deal. "Peeta and I haven't even been together that long!"

I realize that the idea of marrying Peeta doesn't really frighten me as much as the fact that we're being forced into it by President Snow. I know we're young, but I also know how much I love him and that being with him makes sense. The thought of my life and my relationship being so blatantly manipulated by this man for entertainment purposes is what I can't deal with.

He sighs and turns to go sit back at his desk. When he does he looks up at me, the venomous, snake like quality of his eyes more prominent than ever. "Ms. Everdeen, might I remind you that the Capitol will generously be providing your family, which includes your mother and younger sister, with large amounts of food and money as a result of you being named victor. If you don't abide to our wishes we can just as easily renege on your winnings."

"No! Please, don't!" The words escape me before I can stop them.

A flicker of a smile crosses Snow's face.

That is when I know I'm indebted to this man, to the Capitol, to this corrupt government. If I want to provide for my mother and sister, if I want to keep them going when I am no longer there to support them, there is only one thing I can do.

I have to marry Peeta.

I move through the Capitol mansion in a daze, with no idea where I am or where I'm going.

Finally, after walking down a few staircases, making wrong turns and running into dead ends, I find a familiar looking hallway. At the end I spot a scruffy looking man holding a drink. When he meets my eyes I don't hesitate to go directly towards him.

The tears are already beginning to flow.

"What the hell happened, sweetheart?" Haymitch asks, looking bewildered and concerned.

I break down in his arms, letting him comfort me. Finally, I pull back and explain everything that just happened, the fear and anxiety pouring out of me.

"Peeta and I have to get married," I mumble through my tears, "if we don't get married he'll take it out on my mother and Prim, or worse."

I look up at Haymitch when he doesn't say anything for a moment.

I see his eyes are trained at a spot over my shoulder.

I turn to find Peeta standing behind me.


	12. Chapter 12

I hastily wipe the tears from my eyes.

I can see a thousand different emotions registering on Peeta's face: shock, confusion, anger, hurt.

He takes a step closer to me and shakes his head in frustration, trying to force some words out.

"I don't...what..."

I can see this is just as upsetting for him. Suddenly I feel an unbearable weight of guilt for putting Peeta in this position. For putting him in the position of either marrying me or knowing it will have repercussions for my mother and Prim.

If we were to get married everything about the circumstances would be wrong. The fact it was President Snow's idea. The fact that it's for public's entertainment. The fact Peeta would not have much of a choice in the matter because of what it would mean for my family if he didn't.

Finally, Peeta is able to form a clear thought.

"He told you we have to get married? He said all those things?"

I nod my head in confirmation, my heart breaking at the look of disbelief on his face.

I have ruined his entire life. I have put him in the position of either caving to the Capitol's pressure or knowing how it will hurt me. It's bad enough Snow has meddled in my own life, but ruining things for Peeta is unbearable.

He'll go along with it I'm sure, because he's Peeta and he'll want to protect me and it's the honorable thing to do. But that doesn't mean that he actually wants to. We still have the rest of our lives ahead of us and if he marries me on Snow's wishes he'll never be able to meet another woman, he'll never be able to see if there was someone out there that is better for him than I could ever be.

Haymitch speaks up from behind me, his voice rough. I had forgotten he was here.

"Let's find somewhere private to continue this conversation."

He leads us down the hallway and out on a small terrace with steps that lead to the expansive backyard of the President's mansion.

We walk until the lights and music from the dinner party that is still going on fade into the background.

I rub my hands up and down my arms, unsure if the chills I feel are from the slight breeze or the implication we're being watched, based on the distance Haymitch has wandered away from everything and everyone.

I feel an arm come around my shoulder and look over at Peeta who has shrugged his jacket off and is putting it around me in an attempt to keep me warm.

"Thanks," I whisper, shooting him a small smile.

I'm not sure if I'm imagining it, but suddenly I feel like things are a little awkward between us. He won't exactly meet my eyes and the guilt I feel for putting us in this position makes me nervous around him.

"Tell me again everything he said," Haymitch orders me. "This time slowly and clearly," he adds.

I take a deep breath and repeat my entire conversation with the President. How he knew about my hunting. How the competition was essentially designed so I could win and they could bring me here and reprimand me. How he wants me to marry Peeta for the country's benefit, how he'll let my hunting slide if I do. And the threat to take back the winnings from my mother and Prim if I don't.

When I finish there is a long silence where the three of us just let my words sink in, the gravity of the situation weighing on all of us heavily.

Haymitch seems resigned, looking sadly between the two of us.

"I don't know what to tell you kids. It's not worth the risk to defy the Capitol and not do what Snow says."

I close my eyes as the tears start to fall.

"I'm so sorry," I manage to gasp out, finally looking over at Peeta who looks in shock.

His face is blank and I can't figure out what he's thinking which makes me nervous.

"It could be worse, sweetheart," Haymitch tries to reassure me, patting my shoulder.

Of course it could be worse. A lot of things are worse than having to marry Peeta, but that's not the point.

"Now, they'll want the proposal soon. Tomorrow at the event for all the victors would be ideal."

"Tomorrow?" Peeta and I exclaim in unison.

"They'll want it to be as public as possible," Haymitch shrugs.

I drop my face in my hands, squeezing my eyes shut, and wondering how this happened all so fast. A couple of weeks ago Peeta and I were happy together and the most we had to worry about was Madge or Karrick.

Now our lives are about to turn upside down. Now he is being forced into marrying me out of guilt and fear.

"I umm...I'm going to go get ready...you know, um practice...for the proposal..tomorrow," Peeta stutters out, turning on his heel and leaving before anyone can say anything else.

I look to Haymitch in confusion as Peeta's figure retreats back to the mansion, walking at a brisk pace.

Haymitch looks at me with sad eyes, pulling a flask from his coat pocket.

"He'll come around. Just give him some time to get used to the idea," He says.

I want to cry. And scream. I knew this wasn't fair to him, I knew this was an awful situation, but I didn't expect it to be so hard for him to accept. If I'm being completely honest about it, I expected Peeta to embrace the idea, to try and reassure me that everything will be okay.

But I guess something like marriage being thrown on you like this is hard for anyone to wrap their head around.

Even Peeta.

I don't see Peeta again until the next day when all of the victors and student leaders from the districts are being lined up, preparing to make their entrance for the special event being held out in front of Snow's mansion, around the city circle.

I can already hear the roar of the crowd from the residents of the Capitol who must be lining the streets to get a chance to see us.

Effie is fussing over my hair and make-up, debating whether we still have time to do some touch ups, when I snap.

"It's doesn't matter what I look like!" I burst out, feeling bad for only a few seconds when I see the startled look of hurt on Effie's face. For all her over eagerness and meddling ways, she really is only trying to do her job.

"Well, it doesn't..." I add, feeling a lump suddenly form in my throat. It won't matter what I look like, only that I'm the epitome of a love sick teenage who weeps uncontrollably with happiness when Peeta proposes.

I stare at the ground as Effie walks away, muttering about my ungratefulness.

"Hey."

I look over my shoulder to find Peeta standing a few feet away from me, hands in his pockets, looking unsure of himself. He offers me a crooked smile.

"Hi," I return and my voice comes dangerously close to breaking.

I search his face, desperately trying to get a read on what he is feeling right now. We haven't talked about this at all, he walked away last night before we even got a chance to. My stomach turns uncomfortably when I realize how sad he looks.

I want to break down right here, right now. I want to scream at the injustice of being put through this, of the Capitol controlling our lives this way. Another part of me though is broken, broken and hurt, because I guess I was expecting Peeta to be okay with the idea of marriage. More than okay. I was expecting him to tell me that he more than didn't mind marrying me, that he wanted to.

I want to tell him I'm sorry for everything, but before I can we're interrupted.

"You ready, boy?" Haymitch asks, appearing at Peeta's side and placing a hand on his shoulder.

Peeta just nods at him silently and directs his gaze to the floor.

"Look, don't be afraid to uh...really play to the cameras," Haymitch whispers to the pair of us. "You don't want to give them any reason to be unhappy with your performance."

Performance.

That words makes me sick. It is a reminder of just what exactly this is, a big performance for the Capitol's entertainment. Our private lives, something that was once so special and just between the two of us, has turned into this huge spectacle, a big joke.

We hear Capitol officials directing us to get ready for our entrance and Haymitch is ushered away.

Peeta and I are pushed into line together, standing side by side.

I keep my eyes trained on the back of the boy's head in front of me, preparing myself for this moment. I am lost in my own world of fear and anxiety when I feel Peeta reach over and take my hand in his, he rubs the back of my hand with the pad of his thumb. I can feel my shoulders relax and a little tension leave my chest.

The line moves forward as each pair from the district are introduced to the crowd outside.

As the victor and student leader from District 11 are introduced we step forward. Peeta squeezes my hand and I look over to him curiously. His eyes search my face, a look of intensity I have never seen before, taking over his features.

And in the moment before our names are called, as Snow makes our introduction to the crowd that is going crazy, explaining about the love story that has swept the nation, he leans over and whispers something in my ear.

"I love you."

My heart is beating frantically as he tugs my hand and moves out onto the stage set up in front of the President's mansion, overlooking the city circle. There are people lining every street, stretching as far as I can see in every direction. The roar of the crowd is deafening.

I smile and wave to the crowd as we take our places.

When we pass the President he surveys me with those snake like eyes of his, a satisfied smirk creeping onto his face.

The ceremony goes by in a blur. There are a lot of speeches by Capitol officials, praising the victors and giving themselves pats on the backs for the importance and influence of the Capitol Programs in the districts. I'm not really paying attention to any of it though because I keep repeating the words Peeta said to me right before we came out here.

He loves me. He loves me and maybe everything will be okay.

"Before we go, one of our student leaders has told me has something very special to ask the victor for his district," Snow tells the crowd, who respond with joyful shrieks.

Peeta pulls me to the center of the stage near the President, right where everyone can see us.

Snow gives him a nod of approval and then Peeta turns to face me so barely a foot of space separates us. He holds both of my hands in his and I feel like he is trying to tell me something when he looks into my eyes. He looks calm, but determined. The intensity of his gaze never wavers and I can feel my stomach doing flips. He loves me, I remind myself.

He slowly lowers himself to the ground, getting down on one knee.

The crowd starts to lose it's mind.

"Katniss..." he begins.

I don't know how, but suddenly his voice is amplified times a hundred, times a thousand, booming through the speakers and letting every Capitol citizen in on this private moment. Out of the corner of my eye I see that our faces are plastered on the huge screens that face the audience.

"I never really thought this was possible...to love someone the way I love you. But now that I have you in my life, I can't imagine a world without you by my side. You're beautiful and strong and amazing and brave."

When my tears start to fall they have nothing to do with worrying about putting on a good show for the crowd.

"I know things aren't perfect, but it doesn't matter how we ended up here, only that we're here together now."

I repeat these words over and over in my head and realize that despite being in the most public venue possible he is speaking to me privately, he's talking about how this marriage was forced upon us.

"And I know, that if you'll let me, I will be by your side through all of it. I'll be there for the good and the bad, I'll be there to protect you."

I look down into his eyes and realize this is not for the public's benefit or to please Snow. He truly means everything he is saying to me.

"Katniss Everdeen...will you marry me?"

I can only nod my head in response, the tears making my vision blurry. Finally, I manage out a 'yes' and immediately lose my composure. Peeta rises to his feet and takes me in his arms. I cling to him as I cry into his chest, feeling overwhelmed by the joy and relief of this moment.

"I love you so much," I mumble when we pull back and he smiles and leans down to kiss me.

I'm brought back to the present moment when I feel the presence of someone by our side. I look over to see President Snow looking between us, a twisted smile on his face. The noise from the crowd is deafening, but he manages to get them to quiet down by just raising his hand.

He places a hand on Peeta's shoulder. "How about you let us throw you a wedding right here in the Capitol?" Snow asks.

The crowd cheers their approval. Peeta, however, surprises me with his response. He pulls me against his side and then looks Snow right in the eye.

"Thanks, but I think we'll want to keep it small. We have a simple ceremony we do back in 12 and I think it would feel more special that way."

Snow's mouth sets in a straight line, all indications that he was pleased and satisfied with the proposal vanishes. The crowd groans in dismay.

"I'm sure you can catch it on camera so the country can see though," Peeta offers after a moment.

I look up at Peeta in wonder. He knows exactly what he's doing. The nerve and strength he has to stand up to the President like this, to dictate the way things will go for our wedding, amazes me. I can't help but grin, and despite standing across from a man who could wipe us off the map if he chose to, I feel like I've never been safer here in Peeta's arms.

Snow softens a little at the idea, realizing it's better than nothing. With Peeta making his intentions clear here in front of everyone he has essentially forced Snow to allow us to get married back in 12.

The President smiles, eyeing us both carefully. "I think we can make that work," he agrees.

He addresses the audience. "Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a great send off to the future Mr. & Mrs. Peeta Mellark!"

The crowd goes wild, there is chaos and commotion, but I can only look into Peeta's blue eyes, seeing the love I have for him so clearly reflected back at me.

With all the excitement from our engagement Peeta and I don't manage to have a moment alone together until the first night on the train when we are headed back to 12.

I close and lock the door to our compartment behind us after we finally drag ourselves away from Effie's incessant talk about floral arrangements.

I stare at the ground, biting my lip to hide my smile as he turns to face me in the privacy of our room. We still haven't gotten a chance to talk about any of this, what it means or how each of us feel about it.

I open my mouth to speak, but before I can get any words out he steps forward and kisses me. When we finally break apart we're both breathing heavily.

"Sorry, I just had to do that."

"Don't be sorry," I laugh, taking his hand and dragging him over to the edge of the bed where we sit side by side.

"So...you're really okay with this?" I ask him just to clarify. I need to know for sure. I want to know I wasn't just misreading his intentions during the proposal

He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses the back of it.

"More than okay," he tells me. "And I'm sorry if this isn't what you want, I know this isn't ideal circumstances, but I promise I'll help you get through it."

I stare at him in confusion for a while, trying to figure out what he means. It's when he drops my gaze and stares at our joined hands, a frown appearing on his face, that I understand.

"You think I don't want to marry you?"

He sighs and seems to struggle to find the right words. "I think you don't like the Capitol telling you what to do. I think you don't want to get married right now, period. I totally understand, but like Haymitch said defying Snow isn't worth the risk, so we're better off going through with it."

"Peeta..." I try and find the right words to tell him that what he said to me today during his proposal made me realize that marrying him is one of the best things I'll ever do.

Marrying him, no matter what the circumstances, will make me happy.

"That's why I was acting a little weird after you told me about it," he explains, "I saw how upset it made you and I didn't want to make you feel bad by letting you see how happy the idea made me."

My heart breaks a little at the idea that Peeta actually thinks I'm dreading this engagement. I keep trying to figure out the right words to explain what I'm feeling, but I keep coming up with nothing. I lean over and cup his jaw in my hand, making him look at me.

I lean over and kiss him softly, our lips just brushing against each other. It soon picks up heat like it always does between the pair of us and his tongue strokes mine and I moan in satisfaction.

I swing my leg over his body and straddle his lap, holding his face in place as I continue to kiss him. His hands go to my hips and when I rub myself against him he breaks away, groaning from the sensation.

"I want to marry you," I breathe heavily, my forehead resting against his.

"I was never opposed to the idea, only scared of how you would react and upset over Snow trying to control our lives."

The crooked grin that appears on Peeta's face makes me feel lighter than I have since we left on this tour two weeks ago.

"I love you," Peeta replies, running his hands up my sides. "And I promise I will do everything in my power to make you happy."

"I know," I smile in return. When I laugh it almost comes out like a sob. I'm suddenly overwhelmed by the idea that this amazing man is going to be my husband. "I love you, too."

Peeta leans in and starts planting wet, open mouthed kisses against my chest, making me forget about everything but his lips. But then he pulls away abruptly. "You know, Snow really messed up..."

He continues when he sees my look of confusion.

"I mean...trying to keep all the districts in line by feeding them some love story between a couple of teenagers...how long do you think that will last? They'll get tired of us pretty quick and then he'll be trying to find another way to hold onto his control."

I let his words sink in and realize he's completely right. I smile at him, running my hands through his hair. "And when you think about it, he may have been trying to manipulate us, but he actually just gave us the upper hand," I add.

"Exactly," Peeta agrees. "By making such a big deal about our relationship, making it public and using it as a way to keep people happy...it just means we're the ones in control now. We can dictate the way things go because his whole fragile little system is now resting on us acting like lovesick teenagers whenever there are cameras around."

I grin, leaning in so my lips hover by his ear. I place kisses on and around it, biting down softly on his ear lobe, before speaking. "And the beauty of this whole thing is that being in love with you is not something I will ever have to fake..."

When I pull back I expect to see him laughing or smiling at me. Instead, he has this look on his face that makes my lower belly flood with warmth, my muscles tightening in anticipation. His eyes have narrowed and have taken on a darker blue color.

He presses his lips against mine and in one swift move, grabs me by my hips and flips me over on the bed so I'm lying on my back. His lips are insistent, his tongue pushing into my mouth and then moving down my neck, sucking on the skin.

"Peeta.." I gasp, because everything is suddenly so intense and fast, the urgency of his kisses, the way my body is screaming to have him inside me.

He must be able to read my thoughts because the next thing I know he's pushing my dress up and over my waist and pulling my underwear down my legs. I spread my legs for him, waiting for him to join our bodies in the most perfect way. He stands up at the edge of the bed and I watch with appreciation as he makes quick work of removing his pants and boxers.

He is already so hard and I can feel a rush of warm, wetness seep down my legs. He moves over me and guides himself inside me. I cry out from the feel of him, hiking my knees up to give him more room to grind into me. His thrusts are steady but hard, pulling almost all the way out before slamming back into me, making me whimper from the pleasure. He uses his hands to hold himself above me and I pull him down to join our lips in a kiss.

The stroke of his hips become shorter and his rhythm becomes even, but relentless, pounding into me at a faster pace. I start to call out his name as the ache between my legs spreads to the rest of my body and builds and builds.

Finally, just when I start to think I can't possibly take anymore, I explode, my body engulfed by flames that make me see stars. I hear him shout, finally stilling his movements and throbbing inside me when he comes.

He collapses on top of me and I cling to him, deciding to never let go.

The ceremony was perfect. It was intimate and special, and besides the presence of Effie Trinket and the cameras from the Capitol capturing the whole thing for the rest of the country, I wouldn't have changed a thing.

We were lucky enough that the only part the cameras were really interested in capturing was the part that didn't mean as much to us. Effie and her team turned the Justice Hall into what I'm sure weddings in the Capitol all look like. There were more flower arrangements than people, I was dressed in a long flowing, white, lace dress, and Peeta was put in a customary tux. Haymitch walked me down the aisle and the district judge performed the ceremony.

It's not that I didn't enjoy standing next to Peeta and signing those papers that made it official, but it just didn't feel as special. It wasn't what we wanted.

Afterwards, when Effie and her camera team disappeared, we had the toasting. My mother gave me the dress she wore on her wedding day and Peeta wore his father's best suit. Only the people that mattered were there: my family, Peeta's family, Gale, Haymitch, and some of our friends from school.

They sang the customary song and gathered around the fireplace in the living room of our new home. It is a small, two bedroom, one story house at the edge of Town that Peeta's father found for us, using his savings for the down payment and telling us it was his wedding gift for us. It is still in Town so Peeta can walk to the bakery every morning and near enough to the Seam where I can see my mother and Prim as much as I want.

For the rest of my life I will never forget how it felt to hold that bread in the fire and then break off a piece of it to feed to Peeta. My entire body quivered, my stomach twisted in a mess of knots and butterflies, overwhelmed by what it meant to be committing myself to this man forever. I could not stop thinking about how grateful I was to have him. I was grateful and happy that I had found the one person who finally made everything make sense for me. The person who taught me that life was not all struggle and pain.

The look in his eyes as he toasted his own bread and fed it to me made me feel a thousand different emotions. Most of all it was that I was loved. I was so very loved by this man and I could not think of anything better in this world. The other was passion, desire, and lust. The way he looked at me made me forget that all of our family and friends were standing nearby. It made me want to rip off his clothes and ride him until I saw stars, right in front of that roaring fire.

It has been 6 months since the toasting and still not a day goes by where I don't smile like an idiot when I remember that Peeta is my husband now.

The cameras still come around, as well as Effie Trinket with requests for interviews and specials highlighting our married life together. It's slowly starting to fade though. Just like Peeta predicted people are losing interest in the 'love story from District 12'. Snow will need to find another way to keep a restless country under his control.

I get home from a long day in the woods completely exhausted.

My feet ache, I'm dripping with sweat, and there are stains on my clothes. When I walk into my house I'm overwhelmed by the smell of fresh bread coming from the kitchen. I'm greeted by the sight of my husband leaning over, pulling a fresh batch of cheese buns from the oven.

He has a very nice butt, I think to myself.

"Hey you," I say, a smile creeping across my face when I realize I've startled him.

"Hey," he grins, placing the tray on the counter and moving over to take me in his arms.

I take a step back holding my arms out to stop him from getting any closer.

"Stay back," I warn. "I'm absolutely disgusting. I've been in the woods since the crack of dawn. I desperately need a shower."

Peeta however is unfazed. His arms snake around my waist and he pulls me against him anyways. "Oh, is that right?" He asks. He crinkles his nose. "You smell pretty good to me."

I roll my eyes at him, but can't help my smile.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

Peeta leads me down the hall to our bedroom. In the adjoining bathroom he starts to run the warm water in the tub. I let him undress me and then decide his clothes should join the pile on the floor too.

We sink down into the water, my back flush against his chest.

His arms wrap around me, touching and teasing. He starts planting kisses against my shoulder and I am lost in his touch.

"You're right. You do stink," Peeta breaks the silence, making me laugh.

He washes my hair, working his fingers through my long locks and massaging my scalp gently. We then take turns washing each other's bodies. When we're finished I start to touch him and he touches me. Teasing caresses that only hint at what we so desperately want.

When our hands have turned clammy we finally let the water drain and I rise from the tub. I grab a towel and dry my hair before tossing it aside. Then I wrap a fresh one around my body and walk back into our bedroom. I am standing at our dresser looking for fresh clothes to change into when I feel a pair of arms come around me.

I grin when I feel his hardness pressing into my back.

"Can I help you?" I tease, grinding myself against him.

He doesn't respond, he only starts kissing my still damp skin along my shoulders and up my neck.

"We should go have dinner," I protest, although it's a feeble attempt to get him to stop. Especially when I lean back into him and tilt my neck so he has better access.

I feel his arm reach down and slip under my towel. When he slips two fingers inside me I gasp and reach behind me to grab his head.

"I'm hungry for something else," he whispers.

He leads me over to our bed where my towel falls away. He sinks down to his knees at the edge of the bed and spread my legs. He starts to lick and suck and taste me until I come, screaming his name.

He stands up and pushes inside me before I can even come down from my high and makes me come two more times.

We lay side by side, panting, basking in the afterglow of our love making.

He reaches over and grabs my hand, lifting it to his lips where he places a gentle kiss to the back of it.

Our lives aren't perfect, but we're together, and that's the only thing that matters.

We may have initially come from different worlds, but we'll move forward, in this deeply flawed one we find ourselves in now, together.


End file.
